Happy Olympic season, everyone!
The 2020 Summer Olympics, naturally held in 2021, are in full swing. Now, before anyone reads this list and gets pissed off, I want to emphasize the point that I do not claim to know what I'm talking about to any degree. I have many passions in life but the Olympics are not one of them - I have a lot of respect for them and I enjoy watching many of the events recreationally when they're on TV, but I do not claim to be anything remotely near to an expert or even a guy who knows what he's talking about. I just wanted to make this ranking for fun, with the only real parameter being "If two events are on at the same time, which channel am I going to change to".
50. Shooting
Quite dull to watch and doesn't really feel like a sport per se. Also, my feelings about the gun culture in my dear second home country run so deep that it's hard for me to appreciate gun-shooting of any kind without being reminded that these things exist for the purpose of humans killing other humans.
49. Freestyle Wrestling
Another sport that just feels a bit too violent for a softie pacifist like myself to enjoy. I've never found wrestling remotely fun to watch.
48. Greco-Roman Wrestling
Shockingly, I'm not an expert on the differences between wrestling subgenres. But the "Greco-Roman" title sounds classy as hell.
47. Weightlifting
Another event that I find very dull to watch.
46. Boxing
Sure, I love the Rocky movies just as much as the next guy, but I reckon that real-life boxing is less Rocky and more Million Dollar Baby.
45. Golf
I have some sort of grudging respect for the whiff of classiness that this sport brings with it, but that doesn't change the fact that it's quite a snooze-fest to watch on television. Even the commentators sound bored.
44. Baseball
Probably quite a cool sport, but more or less ruined for me due to a history of being absolutely terrible at it in physical education class.
43. Softball
While I'm not quite caught up on the differences between baseball and softball, I'm pretty sure that I never got picked last for a softball team in school so there's less baggage there.
42. Field Hockey
I've never been the biggest hockey fan to begin with (I know that my love for football over hockey is extremely illogical and even masochistic for a man whose two nationalities are greatly successful hockey countries but woefully average soccer countries). And I can't imagine that the sport is any more interesting when you strip the 'ice' element from the concept.
41. BMX Racing
If we have a bunch of bicycle racing events, and an event for BMX freestyle, I don't really see why we additionally need an event for BMX racing. Maybe some of my cyclist readers can explain why this sport isn't totally unnecessary in an Olympic context.
40. Dressage
With no offense to horse enthusiasts, I find this sport very boring - it's ranked this high simply because the idea of how uninteresting I find it to be is always enough to put a smile on my face.
39. Sailing
Definitely a cool sport in its own category, but not at all my cup of tea for some reason. Sailing might be quite grandiose to follow live (not to mention participating in it), but falls a bit flat when viewed on a TV screen.
38. Eventing
Cards on the table, I don't have the slightest idea on what eventing is. But it's listed as an equestrian sport, and I'm just assuming that it's more interesting than the one where the horses walk slowly but less interesting than the one where they run and jump.
37. Diving
I do enjoy watching diving in the Olympics more than I do watching it in the Premier League, but my enthusiasm for the sport still isn't particularly high.
36. Surfing
Like, whoa, I wasn't even aware that this was an Olympic sport! That's pretty rad, dude.
35. Modern Pentathlon
Sounds quite epic as a concept, but my mother (who actually knows her shit concerning the Olympics and will likely pass out after witnessing my sheer lack of knowledge if she reads this post) opened my eyes on the many problems relating to the sport, so now I'm not the biggest fan.
34. Handball
I'm much more familiar with handball as the name of a foul in football than as a sport of its own. From the very little that I've seen, it seems like a neat team sport but doesn't especially grab my attention.
33. Judo
Martial arts are cool enough to watch, but I don't know enough about them to have particularly strong feelings or rank them very highly.
32. Taekwondo
The picture that I have in my head of taekwondo is less wrestling-y than that of Judo, so I'm ranking it a tad higher (I can't stress enough how far out of my comfort zone I am when discussing Olympic sports).
31. Karate
Why do I rank karate higher than its martial arts counterparts, you ask? Well, call me when there's a cinematic classic called Judo Kid or Taekwondo Kid.
30. Rugby Sevens
I've never been a fan of rugby (apart from the hilarious Friends episode with Red Ross), but it's awesome that Fiji won the men's competition this year. I feel emotionally invested in the small island nations of Polynesia, due to their traditional folk music being absolutely amazing.
29. Jumping (Equestrian)
It's pretty cool to watch the horses jumping. I swear, next week's post will be about movies again so I'll have some actual thoughts and professional terminology at my disposal.
28. BMX Freestyle
Doesn't exactly scream "Olympic sport", but I'm not enough of a traditionalist to really care about that when the tricks look awesome.
27. Skateboarding
Pretty much the same reasoning as with the previous entry, with the added reasoning that I loved playing the Tony Hawk's Underground games in my childhood and that my Mom will absolutely have a fit when she sees skateboarding ranked this high.
26. Football
Why is my favorite sport (read: the objectively best sport) ranked this low? Simply put, I don't care for football as an Olympic sport, because neither does the football community. The Olympics are literally going on as we speak, and all football fans are talking about it is how the Euros were really interesting and who will win next season's Champions League. With the World Cup and Euros to care about, the Olympics just aren't a very intriguing international competition for the world of football. I would rank it even lower, but I do enjoy watching it from an aesthetic point of view so much that I have to rank it above the likes of golf, and I know enough about football that I have to rank it above whatever eventing is.
25. Water Polo
I don't really know what's going on in this sport, but the players seem to be having a good time! Good for them, man.
24. Rhythmic Gymnastics
I'm very out of my depth when following gymnastics, but one simply has to appreciate the effort and skill of the participants.
23. Trampoline Gymnastics
Who doesn't love jumping on trampolines?
22. Artistic Gymnastics
These people definitely know what they're doing and the end result looks really neat.
21. 3x3 Basketball
I don't think I've watched one second of this sport, but I'm assuming that it's the lite-version of the sport listed next.
20. Basketball
My caring for this sport went up about 500% after watching the documentary series The Last Dance. Still not my favorite sport in the world, but an all-around entertaining one to follow.
19. Track Cycling
These sorts of racing events are always quite riveting to follow as they unfold.
18. Road Cycling
Like the one listed above, but the urban environment is a cool extra twist.
17. Artistic Swimming
Ranked this highly due to humor value and humor value only. The Olympics wouldn't be the Olympics without my family making several jabs about artistic swimming being a thing, and I wouldn't have it any other way. There will always be a place in my heart for this silly event.
16. Rowing
Like I said with the cycle-racing events, stuff like this is always a riot as the finish line approaches.
15. Table Tennis
A delightfully fast-paced event that always brings Forrest Gump to mind.
14. Tennis
Like the previous entry, but not taking place on a table. Jokes aside, tennis is a nice sport to follow although the terminology and point system will forever drive me nuts. Why do the points add up in the way they do and what the hell does love have to do with it? I swear, the rules of Quidditch make much more sense.
13. Sport Climbing
Not the most traditional Olympic sport, but definitely more intriguing to watch than a majority of the bunch.
12. Fencing
You know a sport is exiting when the Pirates of the Caribbean theme starts to play in your head when you're watching it.
11. Mountain Biking
An extremely cool sport with great scenery as a backdrop, but I have to give slight minus points for the extreme stress that watching this event causes (many Olympic sports are dangerous, but this one feels especially "What if someone makes a mistake and dies?" to me).
10. Canoeing (Sprint)
Canoeing has a place in my heart due to it being such an important sport to my mother, who I think is mentioned in this post more times than any real sports term or reasonable argument.
9. Marathon Swimming
Another racing-type event that is exciting to follow, this time in an aquatic setting.
8. Swimming
Why do I prefer swimming to marathon swimming? Well, Finland nabbed a bronze medal in this one this week!
7. Canoeing (Slalom)
Looks hellishly fun, kind of like the competitive sports version of water park rides.
6. Volleyball
An easy-to-follow and exciting team sport that I've always found rather cool to watch!
5. Beach Volleyball
Like the previous entry, but the beach setting is much more fun.
4. Archery
Definitely the most Middle-Earth out of all the Olympic sports, so you know a Tolkien fan such as myself will rank it highly.
3. Triathlon
Three interesting sports combined into one super-sport, all while having a legendary status in sports history? Sign me up.
2. Badminton
A sport that has a big place in my heart, mainly due to the fact that it's one of the select few sports that I'm legitimately good at. I may enjoy playing badminton more than watching it, but it's also an exquisite event for us bench athletes to indulge in.
1. Athletics
This mega-sport combines so many cool events, from javelin and pole vault all the way to the 100m sprint and the motherf**king marathon, that it thoroughly deserves the #1 spot. A mainstream pick for sure, but a popular favorite for good reasons.
Thank you for reading! Next week's post will be a continuation of my Top 100 Movies of All Time -countdown, as I go from #80 to #71.
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