Greetings, reader!
Last year, my girlfriend and I planned and executed a pretty epic movie marathon for Halloween, and I made a blog post ranking everything we watched. A year later, there was a glow-up on many levels - first of all, she's now my fiancée, and more importantly (kidding), this year's Halloween marathon came with an even cooler selection of what to watch, a more versatile line-up of snacks, and we invited a few friends to share the experience with us. Once again, I'm ranking everything included in the marathon - these are not ranked based on how good they are as overall movies / TV episodes / short films, but rather based on how good and important and memorable they were as parts of the overall marathon experience.
8. Terrifier (2016)
How good it is cinematically: 5/10
How scary it is: 7/10
How much fun I had watching it in the context of the marathon: 6/10
At how many minutes would my Mom give up if she were to watch this: 2 or 3
The third feature film that we watched in the marathon, Terrifier was, uh, interesting. I'm not a big fan of gore, and this flick ousted Hostel (2005) as the most disgusting gore flick I've seen. It's nice that the tapestry of films we watched made for a diverse dive into the subgenres of horror, but yeah, I definitely enjoyed this one the least.
7. After-School Special (2011)
How good it is cinematically: 7/10
How scary it is: 6/10
How much fun I had watching it in the context of the marathon: 6/10
At how many minutes would my Mom give up if she were to watch this: I reckon she'd watch the whole thing, but immediately regret it afterwards
One of the many strokes of genius from Martta (planning the contents and order of the marathon was her responsibility, as it was mine last year) was starting with a 10-minute short film to set the mood. After-School Special isn't horror in the conventional sense, but it is very uncomfortable and equipped with a shocking twist, so it did make for a neat prologue for what was to come.
6. Halloween 3: AwesomeLand (Modern Family, Season 6 Episode 6)
How good it is cinematically: 7/10
How scary it is: 2/10
How much fun I had watching it in the context of the marathon: 9/10
At how many minutes would my Mom give up if she were to watch this: This is the one thing she would watch fully and enjoy
Just like last year, we ended the whole thing with the cool-off of a Modern Family Halloween episode. It was a delightful change of pace after all the darkness and horror, and the episode is very funny.
5. Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
How good it is cinematically: 6/10
How scary it is: 8/10
How much fun I had watching it in the context of the marathon: 8/10
At how many minutes would my Mom give up if she were to watch this: 15-20 (assuming you can somehow talk her into starting it in the first place)
Our marathon included the first two flicks of the Halloween franchise last year, so naturally we continued with flicks #3 and #4 this year (can't wait for the fifth and sixth ones in 2025!). This cruddy but enjoyable slasher sequel was made extra cruddy due to multiple technical difficulties, but that just made for a more authentic movie marathon feel - something always has to go wrong.
4. Halloween III: The Season of the Witch (1982)
How good it is cinematically: 4/10
How scary it is: 7/10
How much fun I had watching it in the context of the marathon: 11/10
At how many minutes would my Mom give up if she were to watch this: A solid half an hour (it takes a while before things get scary and gross)
Now, don't get me wrong, this deeply obscure Halloween instalment is a bad movie. But it was a great part of the marathon. It's not just bad - it's just that sweet right type of bad, and we had so much fun enjoying the cheesiness and laughing at it together. Also, there are some cool parts towards the end. But yeah, a good horror marathon needs one of these - no one wants to watch eight full-focus masterpieces in a row.
3. Salem's Lot (2024)
How good it is cinematically: 7/10
How scary it is: 8/10
How much fun I had watching it in the context of the marathon: 8/10
At how many minutes would my Mom give up if she were to watch this: Whenever the first kid goes missing
The first feature film in the marathon, completing the opening after the introductory short film, was this Stephen King adaptation from just this year. It wasn't perfect, but a very solid adaptation nonetheless, and the neat vampire-horror vibes were great for setting the mood and getting us properly locked in.
2. Hereditary (2018)
How good it is cinematically: 8/10
How scary it is: 9/10
How much fun I had watching it in the context of the marathon: Not sure if 'fun' can describe it, but I love how f**king tense we all were
At how many minutes would my Mom give up if she were to watch this: I doubt she'd last a minute
Ending on this (if you don't count the Modern Family cool-off) was a bold f**king move, but I gotta hand it to Martta - saving such an artistic and deeply anxiety-inducing piece of cinematic horror elegance for last was quite the powerful final act. After many films in a row of making light and cracking wise, this film had us rattled, unsettled and focused. Hell yes.
1. Ju-on: The Grudge (2002)
How good it is cinematically: 9/10
How scary it is: 10/10
How much fun I had watching it in the context of the marathon: 9/10
At how many minutes would my Mom give up if she were to watch this: Out of the house upon seeing the poster and/or trailer
Oh jeez. The Japanese know their shit when it comes to horror cinema. A part of me was disappointed that we didn't save this for the dark nighttime for maximum effect, but I get it - that might've been a bit too much. I take my horror flicks seriously (at least the ones that deserve to be taken seriously), and this masterpiece had me hooked, leaving a lasting impression.
Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I continue this fall's genre project, with a ranking of my all-time top 15 fantasy movies.
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