Ranking everything we watched in our Halloween marathon - 2025 edition

Greetings, reader!

Well, we just hosted our third annual Halloween marathon last week. It's starting to become one of my all-time favorite traditions, and as is part of the tradition, here is a ranking of everything we watched! The event totaled six feature-length films, six short films and one Halloween-themed sitcom episode. It should be noted that I didn't rank them as overall pieces of cinema, but rather as overall parts of the marathon. I rated them based on four factors (How cinematically impressive it is, how scared I was watching it, what did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon & how much fun did I have watching it), and ranked them based on their point totals. And, just like last year, I added the category "If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up" just for fun. I hope you enjoy!

13. Item 6/13: Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

How cinematically impressive was it: 5.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: I reckon she’d clock out promptly after the first scene

The Halloween franchise carries an important role in this tradition: we watched the two first Halloween films in our original marathon two years ago, the third and fourth instalments in last year's marathon, and the fifth and sixth ones this year (looking forward to H20: 20 Years Later and Halloween: Resurrection next year).

Out of the two chapters of the slasher franchise included in this year's marathon, I actually prefer the sixth Halloween over the fifth as an overall movie - but as a part of this particular marathon, it does rank worse. Watching one cruddy slasher amidst better material during a horror marathon is a perfect blast of fun, but the second one in a row gets a bit tired and makes you yearn for quality. Still, no regrets, as I love this tradition-within-the-tradition!

12. Item 13/13: Halloween 4: The Revenge of Rod Skyhook (Modern Family, Season 8 Episode 5)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7/10

How scared was I watching it: 1/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 9/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: Like last year, the Modern Family cool-off is the one thing she would get through AND fully enjoy!

I hate to rank the Modern Family cool-off so low, as it's another tradition-within-the tradition that I love (we've watched one of the show's Halloween episodes after each Halloween marathon, and it's a different one each time). As my high rating for the third category shows, it's a crucial part of the marathon as a whole, and cooling off with a light sitcom episode is the perfect way to wash away the fear from the more intense parts of the marathon so one can go to sleep with an unburdened mind. But, all of the horror stuff we watched this year was so solid, that this one can't help but lose out to most of them.

11. Item 4/13: Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

How cinematically impressive was it: 4.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 4/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 9/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: I give her a solid 15 minutes (assuming you somehow get her to start a film called Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers in the first place)

As I mentioned, Halloween V is an even cruddier obscure slasher sequel than Halloween VI - but, in the context of a marathon that mostly consists of good horror, the first cruddy slasher you watch is inherently more fun than the second. We had such a good time during The Revenge of Michael Myers, laughing our asses off at the comical Michael Myers moments and the poorly aged 80's plot that felt simultaneously "Kid's, don't have premarital sex, because a guy will impale you with a pitchfork if you do!" but also "Dear creeps, please watch this film, it'll have plenty of scantily clad young women having sex because that sells!".

10. Item 9/13: The Strange Thing About the Johnsons (Short 2011)

How cinematically impressive was it: 8/10

How scared was I watching it: 8.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 2/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: No parent should ever have to bear watching this one

This ultra-dark short film by Ari Aster was a difficult one to rank - I had just the worst time when watching it, but I respect how that is very much the point. Now, if everything in a 13-point Halloween marathon was this disturbing, it would be a miserable event and I would have no interest attending. But, when one item out of 13 is this bleak, it's kind of perfect.

A big part of the horror genre is shock value and darkness, so finding one item so next-level that it functions as the crown jewel of that side of the genre just to showcase what lengths the marathon will go to...it's kind of genius (props to Martta for choosing this short film to serve that purpose). All in all, The Strange Thing About the Johnsons was scary as hell (not in a conventional sense but in a gross, disturbing sense), a nice bridge into the feature film by the same director that we would go on to watch right after it, and just a horrible experience in the best way possible.

9. Item 7/13: Mama Agnes (Short 2024)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7/10

How scared was I watching it: 7.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 7/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: About halfway through the 3-minute runtime

Generally speaking, the short films we watched in between each feature film were the highlight for me! This is partially thanks to their role as transitions and/or pallet cleansers, and partially because horror is always at its best when viewed for the first time, and I had seen 5 out of the 6 feature films beforehand while all 6 short films were new to me (two of them were chosen by my best friend Atte, while four, including this one, were chosen by Martta).

While Mama Agnes wasn't as memorable as the best shorts of the day, it was still a thoroughly decent addition on all counts. Not super-scary but definitely creepy, not an Oscar-worthy masterpiece but still a well-shot production, not a highpoint of the event but also not a major low. Like the back-up vocals in a rock song or the central midfielder serving short passes in a football squad, this was one of those parts-of-a-whole that are vital to building up the end product despite never stealing the show.

8. Item 3/13: Tunnelen (Short 2016)

How cinematically impressive was it: 8.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 6/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 7.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: When she realizes that there’s something up with the Death Tunnel

This short film, pitched by my friend Atte, was a wonderfully different addition to the setlist of the marathon. Barely qualifying as horror per se, this award-winning Norwegian short is more of a sci-fi mystery, but it still fit our large scope of Halloween-appropriate viewing very well, making the end product more diverse and fun.

7. Item 5/13: Man on a Train (Short 2021)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 8.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 7/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: She might even get through the whole thing, but with very little enjoyment and/or appreciation

Short and to the point, this feat of real-world horror wastes no time in creating a creepy atmosphere, doing some efficient build-up in its short runtime, and cutting off at the scariest possible place. In all relative simplicity, Man on a Train does its job as a horror short very impressively, and was a splendid addition to the gallery of our marathon.

6. Item 2/13: The Exorcist (1973)

How cinematically impressive was it: 9/10

How scared was I watching it: 7/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: She’d last an impressive half an hour with this one

After kicking the marathon off with the short film Other Side of the Box at noon, we launched into the first feature length movie of the day: The Exorcist. The movie was much as I recalled from my first viewing of it many years ago: not all that scary to my subjective tastes, but masterclass of cinema nonetheless. Watching such a classic as the first full-length instalment of the event was a pretty awesome choice, and it kickstarted the decade-based order of feature films with a brilliant dose of classy 70's cinema.

5. Item 12/13: Longlegs (2024)

How cinematically impressive was it: 8/10

How scared was I watching it: 7.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 7.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: Definitely out of the room before the first scene is over

Last year's horror darling Longlegs wasn't nearly as scary the second time around, as the impressive horror that I praised in my post about last year's greatest movies came largely from not knowing what will happen next and how well director Osgood Perkins utilized that. That being said, it's a damn fun movie to watch for the 2nd time! It's a whole different experience, as you can fully focus your attention on noticing the elements of visual background-buildup that flew over your head or only hit your subconscious during your first viewing.

Also, it was fun to watch with someone who is seeing it for the first time for their reactions - a majority of our visitors had left by the time we started the marathon's final feature film around 11 p.m., but my best friend Atte was still present, and Martta and I had a great time watching him watch the film. All in all, a good finale (not counting the Modern Family cool-off), and a good representative of 2020's horror for the decades-gimmick we had going on with our selection of feature films.

4. Item 8/13: Ju-on 2 (2003)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 9/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: Assuming she would’ve seen the first one, she’d be out of the house upon hearing the very name of the film

More people started to pour in around this film, and having a full house was quite merry for watching this extravaganza of Japanese horror sequeldom. The second Ju-on isn't nearly on the cinematic levels of the first, but it's pretty much just as scary, which was quite the perfect combo for this point in the marathon and this amount of people - it didn't take the level of attention that a masterpiece requires, but there was still plenty to enjoy and appreciate in its horror elements. Also, it was the only feature film of the day that I hadn't seen before, so points for being a new and refreshing experience!

3. Item 10/13: Midsommar (2019)

How cinematically impressive was it: 9/10

How scared was I watching it: 8/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: She’d make it almost through the first hour, but would clock out immediately once THAT scene arrives

Man, the 'fun' category for this one was a difficult set of points to give - on one hand, it's an infamously disturbing film, but on the other...we couldn't help but have a blast when watching this. When compared to The Strange Thing About the Johnsons, where we all just soaked in discomfort and shock value, this was a different case - mainly because I'm pretty sure every single one of us had seen Midsommar before.

No matter how hard-hitting the most haunting scenes still are, that side just isn't the same when you know what to expect, so there was a lot of joking around to lighten the mood going on. Continuing from Ju-on 2 and the short film in between, we were at full capacity for this one, with a head count of seven humans and one dog, and we all had a blast.

2. Item 1/13: Other Side of the Box (Short 2018)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 8/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: 2-3 minutes into the 15-minute runtime

I really appreciate a kick-ass opening, whether it's the first track of a concert or the pilot episode of a TV show - and, based on her genius choice of this short film for the opening number of our marathon, I have chosen to marry the right person. Not only is Other Side of the Box a pretty damn fantastic horror short overall - it was just the right opening for this year's marathon, immediately setting a creepy-but-fun tone that would go on to escalate into all sorts of directions. Hell yeah.

1. Item 11/13: Portrait of God (Short 2022)

How cinematically impressive was it: 8/10

How scared was I watching it: 9.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: I can picture her going ”Yeah, nope” before the first line of dialogue is finished

The last short film we watched, right before the Longlegs + Modern Family finale, was Portrait of God, pitched by Atte. And dammit if it wasn't the highlight of the marathon for me. Not only is the short insanely scary - it is the very specific brand of horror that gets to me the most.

My relationship to the genre is very similar to how Stephen King describes why he prefers opening acts to finales in horror stories: there's nothing that really beats the creaking door, the whisper from the darkness, the mysterious box, the figure you only kind of make out from the shadows. Nothing much happens in Portrait of God, but the visual horror cues and the anxious sense of mystery are quite simply sublime. By this time in our marathon, it was pitch-dark outside, we had our jack-o-lantern out, and I was quite simply locked in. Chills.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week for a ranking of every episode in FX's hit show The Bear.