So, I recently finished a bizarre project I started a long time ago with a friend of mine. Well, at least it was bizarre according to my friends and family, but in my defense - what's so weird about reading the ultimate all-time best-seller?
Yep, I read the entire Holy Bible. Start to finish. Old Testament and New. My reasoning for such a project was many-sided: approximately 40% historical intrigue, 30% finding profound life lessons, 20% street credit when being able to quote scripture and 10% finding counter-arguments against people who use religion as an excuse to spread hatred (looking at you, homophobes). Now that I'm all done, I'll share some of the insights that the Good Book has brought to my mind, by ranking all sixty-six books of the Bible.
DISCLAIMER: In keeping with my own worldview, this post definitely criticizes many aspects of the Bible and Christianity in addition to showing respect to many parts of the faith. I also write about these things with my typical comedic touch, not as a means to belittle aspects of faith that many hold dear, but rather to express my opinions and findings in a way true to myself. Therefore, if you're a Christian who is very serious about their faith, this post might not be the best thing for you to read - I hope not to offend anyone's sensitivities with what I've written.
Also, uh, spoiler alert if you haven't read the Bible yourself and aren't aware of how it all plays out.
66. Leviticus (Old Testament)
The Bible got off to a surprisingly intriguing start with the first two Books of Moses, but then hit a snag with the latter instalments of the Torah section being significantly less interesting. The height of this boredom can be found from Leviticus, which goes on and on about painfully specific rules on how to build a proper Tabernacle or whatever. Also, minus points for including the infamous "You shall not lie with another male" line that a lot of people seem to view as the most important sentence in the Bible. I assume that these people never cut their hair and that they happily murder anyone from a different religion, as taking every word of the 2000-year-old book literally is so damn important to them?
65. Numbers (Old Testament)
Just like the Third Book of Moses described above, the Fourth Book of the same saga continues its dull tirade of specific laws and outdated rules, with the actual story of Moses kept on long pause and any actually profound lessons being woefully absent.
64. Zephaniah (Old Testament)
Towards the tail end of the Old Testament, there are numerous books of "Minor Prophets" that are quite short and to the point. However, many of them lean very heavily into the "You will all feel the fury and wrath of our God as we must cower in fear of Him or else our children will be brutally slaughtered in front of us" side of things, and such is the case with the Book of Zephaniah.
63. Amos (Old Testament)
Very similar to the Book of Zephaniah, this is one of those instances where the Old Testament God feels like a Marvel villain - as in there is some vague sense of justice and morals, but it is twisted to the point where this powerful being believes in murdering tons of innocent souls in order to achieve a "greater good". The Old Testament is a dark place at times.
62. Nahum (Old Testament)
This Book of Prophecy is just as brutal as the rest, and it is also strangely specific to the city of Nineveh in Assyria, detailing what horrors that city in particular deserves. The Book of Nahum takes a semi-interesting look at the geo-political landscape of the time, but other than that, falls into the more merciless and fucked-up side of things (it should be noted that I don't mean to offend more serious Christians and as you will see further up the list, I have a great deal of respect for much of the Bible's teachings - I just think we should take an honest and reflective look at how many of the Bible's worldviews don't hold up today and are quite scary when considering that there are people who take it all word-for-word).
61. Joel (Old Testament)
Another minor prophet book so full of blind fire and fury that you'll begin to wonder how okay it is that this work of literature is more or less the foundation of western civilization. At least this book also discusses hope and redemption, albeit insisting that it can only happen after destruction has reigned upon the non-believers.
60. Obadiah (Old Testament)
One Minor Prophet Book among the rest, not really sticking out for better or for worse. For all their faults, these books are at least quite the page-turners with their fast-paced narratives and short lengths.
59. I Timothy (New Testament)
And so we arrive at the worst book of the overall better Testament - the first Epistle to Timothy is mainly my least favorite out of the bunch because it feels like it's pulled straight out of the Old Testament. Overall, the New Testament was a breath of fresh air compared to the Old as it focused much more on positive teachings of love and acceptance, but it still has its share of "Jeez, this thing really was written 2000 years ago" reminders. Chief among them is this epistle, full of reminders that men who sleep with men will be sent to hell and that a woman's place is to quietly stand by their man. Oh dear.
58. Haggai (Old Testament)
The grand tradition of Bible books about building various temples continues in this short book, truly making one realize what a huge deal temples were back then.
57. Hosea (Old Testament)
While the Book of Hosea does share many of the problems common with the prophet books, it at least makes for thought-provoking literature to some degree once you realize that Hosea's relationship with an unfaithful woman is a metaphor for God's relationship with the people of Israel. Not exactly mind-blowing or mega-poignant, but an interesting comparison at least.
56. II Chronicles (Old Testament)
The Second Book of Chronicles is much like the first (more on that in the entry below), but more detailed and therefore less of a page-turner (it's not like either of them is exactly The Lord of the Rings, but you get my point).
55. I Chronicles (Old Testament)
Essentially the "Previously on" segment of the Bible, the First Book of Chronicles is a recap of all the wacky hijinks that has happened so far - at least that's the fun way of looking at it, while a slightly more accurate description might be "a more historical and objective account of the genealogy and major events in the Torah and early historical books of the Bible". Either way, it's an intriguing concept but the ridiculously long family trees weigh the end result down.
54. Micah (Old Testament)
The Book of Micah is one of the better Minor Prophet books, mainly due to its mentions of a certain Messiah who would one day help restore balance. I always appreciated the references to Christ in the Old Testament, as such moments have quite an epic and hope-inducing feel to them, making the Books of Prophecy worthy of the title.
53. Nehemiah (Old Testament)
The Book of Nehemiah follows the re-building of Jerusalem's walls, after the people of Judah were freed from exile in Babylonia. There isn't any particularly memorable storytelling or any striking life lessons, but it's a thoroughly solid continuation of the geopolitical history in the Old Testament.
52. Ezra (Old Testament)
Ezra is a fairly uncommon name, which means that I constantly envisioned actor Ezra Miller playing the role of Ezra the Scribe while I read the Book of Ezra. This made the reading experience much more entertaining, which was needed as this is otherwise quite an average Old Testament book - at least it contains the payoff of the Babylonian Exile coming to an end, though!
51. James (New Testament)
The Epistle of James is all right, but it has a bit too much of the whole "You must not enjoy your time on Earth because Heaven is waiting" doctrine that I don't really subscribe to. The most intriguing aspect about this epistle is definitely the fact that it was allegedly written by James, the brother of Jesus Christ. This really blew my mind when reading up on the backstories of these books.
50. Philippians (New Testament)
This is one of the many epistles that Paul the Apostle wrote while being imprisoned, trying to reach out to multiple different peoples with the message of Christ. It's easy for a modern globalist such as myself to point out that the idea of needing everyone to convert to the same one true religion is quite screwed up, but if you try and relate to the author's situation, it is quite touching that he tried his best to get his message of salvation across to as many people as he could.
49. Titus (New Testament)
This epistle was written by Paul to one of this chief followers, Titus. It contains a bunch of advise, some of which is dull and uninspired while other parts have some real wisdom to them.
48. Habakkuk (Old Testament)
Another stand-out from the Minor Prophets, the Book of Habakkuk tells its story in a memorable fashion as the narrative is framed as a dialogue between God and the Prophet Habakkuk. This discourse even gets into the more philosophical side of the Bible, as they discuss what really is right and what is wrong, beyond what the law might say.
47. III John (New Testament)
I tried my best not to give any extra points to the Third Epistle of John for the fact that it's the shortest book in the Bible - this wasn't easy to do, because at this point I had spent over 9 months reading this behemoth, and coming across a book you can finish in two minutes was quite a relief. Substance-wise, this short and sweet epistle continues the themes of the two previous books while not bringing anything especially new to the table.
46. II John (New Testament)
The Second Epistle of John is an epistle written by John - no, not John the baptist - no, also not the John who wrote the Book of Revelation - yes, possibly the same John who wrote the Gospel of John although this has been disputed. Listen, I really should have gotten a degree in theology in order to really understand much anything from this convoluted mess that some people call the Greatest Story Ever Told (I reckon they've never seen Star Wars).
45. Isiah (Old Testament)
At its best, the Book of Isiah (which is the first Book of Prophecy) is quite epic, as we get a whole new kind of Biblical narrative and some groundwork for the New Testament (an upcoming Messiah who will "bear the sins of the many" is prophesized about). However, the Book of Isiah is way longer than it needs to be, thus feeling like quite a chore to get through despite its interesting parts.
44. Jeremiah (Old Testament)
Much like Isiah, the Book of Jeremiah is also a Major Prophet book that has its moments but goes on for way too long. It barely edges out its counterpart due to Jeremiah 4:21 being one of the Old Testament's more memorable passages: "How long must I see the battle standard and hear the sound of the trumpet?"
43. II Timothy (New Testament)
Much like Terminator II: Judgement Day (1991) and The Dark Knight (2008), the Second Epistle to Timothy is one of those rare cases where the sequel is far better than the original. This is largely due to the torch-passing nature of the book, as the author Paul recognizes that he doesn't have many years left, and this letter is his attempt to pass his wisdom onto his follower Timothy.
42. II Corinthians (New Testament)
Much like Iron Man 2 (2010) and The Matrix Reloaded (2003), the Second Epistle to the Corinthians is one of those classic cases where the sequel is far lesser than the original. Far less profound and more focused on specific details than the brilliant First Epistle to the Corinthians, this book follows the themes of its predecessor but fails to live in the same spirit.
41. Romans (New Testament)
The first of the many Epistles written by Paul the Apostle, this book is interesting enough to read as it is the first of its kind and thus a breath of fresh air when getting through the Bible in order (I recognize that the way I read the Good Book isn't exactly how it was intended to be read). Still, I have to give the Epistle to Romans some minus points as it is one of the more fundamentalist books in the New Testament, really zeroing in on just how wrong and sinful all non-Christians apparently are. You know, having read all of the Pauline Epistles in rapid succession, I'm pretty sure that the old man softened up with age - the later instalments of this portion in the Bible are much less judgemental and more tolerant.
40. I John (New Testament)
We're slowly starting to get to the good stuff here! The first Epistle of John represents just the side of the Bible (and the New Testament in particular) that I really find myself agreeing with, as it focuses more on positive lessons about love and acceptance than it does on judgement and fear-mongering.
39. Jude (New Testament)
The final Epistle and the second-last book of the entire Bible, this book feels like a summary of all the epistles that came before it, repeating many of the New Testament's central lessons to ensure that they'll stick in the head of any dork who has decided to read his way through the whole thing.
38. Lamentations (Old Testament)
It is a refreshing change of pace to read a collection of lyrical poetry in the midst of the Books of Prophecy, sort of like a throwback to the Book of Psalms. Not one of the more philosophical or narratively interesting books in the Bible, but a well-written collection of songs lamenting the fall of Jerusalem.
37. Philemon (New Testament)
The final Epistle written by Paul, before the New Testament moved on to the general Catholic Epistles, is short and a bit cryptic but an overall fitting ending to one of the Bible's most prolific contributors. It even seems to have a remarkable anti-slavery message, if I interpreted it correctly, which is quite something for a text from that particular era.
36. Colossians (New Testament)
There are some unfortunate parts in the Epistle to the Colossians (the Bible really contains a lot of teachings about women being the property of men - I shudder to think about just how much the presence of such messages in a still ever-popular book of faith has contributed to the fact that our society still is woefully unfair towards women). But it isn't among the most extreme instances of such material in the Bible or even the New Testament, and it also has some really nice teachings of people being kind to each other and 'walking in Christ' (I never entirely understood what this meant, but it sounds profound).
35. Ephesians (New Testament)
One of the very few books in the Bible to actually say something about that ever-famous 'God's plan', which is usually just left completely unexplained and up for the priests to interpret. In addition to the little explaining that this Epistle does to balance out the cryptic nature of most biblical books, it also features some nice thoughts on grace, peace and the notion of life after death.
34. II Peter (New Testament)
Both Books of Peter hit the more wholesome side of the New Testament, featuring delightful thoughts on love and trust. The second book is a bit repetitive after the first, not bringing terribly much new material to the table. Again, I'm painfully aware that I'm reviewing these books as if they were chapters of a novel, even though the Bible very much shouldn't be reviewed like that.
33. Judges (Old Testament)
Quite early on in the Old Testament, between the Books of Moses and the Age of Kings, there was an era when various judges ruled Israel, and this book is an account of those times. A highlight is the story of the warrior Simson, which is quite the classic.
32. II Thessalonians (New Testament)
The Second Epistle to the Thessalonians reads like an appendix to the first one, continuing on the same themes of faith, hope and love, while adding some new perspectives. It's not mind-blowing, but it's quite nice.
31. I Peter (New Testament)
The first Epistle of Peter features some powerful thoughts about the dangers of persecution - sure, it's more than a bit ironic to read this from a book of the "tons of people have been killed in this book's name" variety, but that doesn't stop lessons such at this from being good lessons if people just listened and were less violent in their interpretations.
30. Ruth (Old Testament)
One of the shortest books in the Bible, the Book of Ruth feels like a prologue to the Age of Kings or maybe like the post-credit scene at the end of a Marvel movie that teases the next film's events. We follow one of the more strong female characters in the Bible, as her journey lays the groundwork for the era to come, as the book ends with the birth of David (later to be known as King David).
29. Galatians (New Testament)
The Epistle to the Galatians features some thought-provoking philosophy regarding the law. The central theme seems to be that what one knows to be right is more important than the literal following of the old law, as laws can be flawed (I was quite surprised to find such ponderings in the Bible out of all places). This makes the Epistle feel quite relevant in a modern context, much more so than most biblical texts.
28. Malachi (Old Testament)
The final book of the Old Testament is quite the season finale. It begins with a typical Minor Prophet tirade of all the sinners getting what they deserve in a brutal fashion, but towards the end it gets quite epic with Malachi's promise of an upcoming Messiah who will be sent to restore balance. A fitting end for the Old Testament, and a neat bridge into the New.
27. Jonah (Old Testament)
The story of Jonah is compact, compelling and layered. The Book of Jonah follows the Prophet as he runs away from God, is punished in unique fashion, and then finds redemption (which is extremely rare in the Old Testament).
26. Esther (Old Testament)
When starting this project, I didn't have the faintest idea that the Bible would feature stuff like the Book of Esther - this delightfully different book strays course from the usual Old Testament style of writing, and delivers what feels like a traditional heroic tale. Interesting characters, Tolkien-esque elements and exciting moments (at least by Biblical standards - as eye-opening as reading the whole thing was, it isn't exactly riveting) ensue.
25. Hebrews (New Testament)
I don't agree with much of the philosophy in the Epistle to the Hebrews, nor did I find any profound life lessons from it, but it is ranked highly simply because it is so damn fascinating in a historical and cultural manner. The Epistle sheds light on the divides and unifications between Judaism and Christianity, as an unknown author tries to persuade the Jewish people to accept the teachings of Christ into their belief system. One of my main reasons for reading the Bible was its historical and cultural intrigue, and this aspect hit an all-time high when reading about this loaded but compelling culture clash.
24. Daniel (Old Testament)
One of the high points in the Books of Prophecy was this final instalment of the "Major Prophet" books. The story of Daniel's rise in the ranks of Babylonia and Persia is quite intriguing, and the part where he is sent into a den of lions and survives there for three days is quite a powerful tale of faith.
23. Deuteronomy (Old Testament)
The final Book of Moses was one of the toughest books to rank, as it is a very mixed bag. The first half of it is the same yawn-inducing rule-mongering that caused the Third and Fourth Books of Moses to be at the tail end of my list, but Deuteronomy gained my respect by becoming downright epic towards the end. Moses's final song and subsequent death (uh, spoiler alert) is touching, and closing the story of the Torah while laying the setting for the rest of the Old Testament by having Moses's people finally arrive in the Promised Land feels strangely glorious.
22. Ezekiel (Old Testament)
An otherwise average Book of Prophecy, lifted to greatness by the fact that it includes the passage famously used in Pulp Fiction (1994). I'd be lying if I said that I didn't read the entire book of Ezekiel with Samuel L. Jackson's voice in my head.
21. Song of Songs (Old Testament)
I certainly didn't expect the Bible to be this Fifty Shades of Grey at any point. The Song of Songs, also known as the Song of Solomon, is a strange and honestly quite wonderful celebration of love and passion. Quite wild and even erotic for biblical standards, this book is thoroughly unexpected but quite beautiful by the end.
20. Joshua (Old Testament)
The first post-Torah book opens with an immensely fascinating follow-up to Deuteronomy, as Joshua leads the people into the Promised Land. The intrigue and battle tactics of the Book of Joshua make for a great read, albeit a dark one when considering the implications - the book gets all glorious when discussing the killing of non-believers, not to mention that certain religions dedicating the same areas as their "Promised Land" continues to have horrendous effects to this very day.
19. II Kings (Old Testament)
The Second Book of Kings isn't quite as profound as the original, but it's still a dramatic and powerful read. The book accounts the various wars and sins of the kingdoms of Jerusalem and Judah. The Bible's portrayal of the infamous Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar as a servant of God, sent to punish the people of God's own kingdoms for turning their back on their faith, is extremely dark but quite a fascinating take on history.
18. I Samuel (Old Testament)
The First Book of Samuel breaks some interesting new ground in the Old Testament, introducing major players like God's chosen wise-man Samuel, Israel's first king and intriguing anti-hero Saul, and legendary King David. The book is especially memorable for featuring the story of David and Goliath - a true "David and Goliath" -type underdog story if I ever saw one.
17. I Thessalonians (New Testament)
"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else" (1 Thessalonians 5:15). That's damn right. This is the side of the Bible that I found myself actually enjoying, more than one might have expected.
16. Acts (New Testament)
Continuing with my crummy movie references, this is the Jurassic World (2015) or Ocean's Eight (2018) to the Four Gospels that chronicle the story of Jesus Christ - the Book of Acts is somewhere between a sequel and a spin-off, as it were, for it continues the same story but with different main characters while retaining some cool connections. Paul the Apostle's origin story and tale of redemption is quite iconic as well.
15. I Kings (Old Testament)
The First Book of Kings is one of the honestly few books in the Old Testament to have some real wisdom to it - most of the "actually great stuff concerning morals and justice" material in the Bible is reserved for the New Testament. But this book is all about King Solomon the Wise, and while some of his thoughts are very much tied to the time of its writing, others have stood the test of time and feel profound to this day.
14. The Gospel of John (New Testament)
Out of the Four Gospels that kick off the New Testament, I easily find John's account to be the least interesting. It still makes it to 14th place in my ranking, because all of the Gospels were a fascinating read - the story of Jesus himself is obviously a highlight when reading the Bible. While there is plenty to enjoy in the Gospel of John, it does pale in comparison to its counterparts as it focuses on the less interesting aspects of his life (instead of focusing on his actual philosophy and teachings, John's Gospel is largely about describing Jesus's various miracles and super powers, in an attempt to persuade people about just how magical the dude was).
13. Exodus (Old Testament)
There may not be all that much to learn in the Second Book of Moses, apart from the ever-famous Ten Commandments (reading this book really helped me stop coveting my neighbor's livestock). But, when you look at the Bible from a book-readers point of view (again, this is supposed to be 'the greatest story ever told'), hardly any other part of the Good Book is as much of a page-turner as this. From the poetic story of Moses's origin and his vision from the burning bush, through the Ten Plagues and the release from slavery, all the way to the parting of the Red Sea and the receiving of the Ten Commandments, Exodus sure is more riveting than a majority of the Bible's material.
12. II Samuel (Old Testament)
"Abner called out to Joab, 'Must the sword devour forever? Don't you realize that this will end in bitterness? How long before you order your men to stop pursuing their fellow Israelites?" (2. Sam. 2:26)
For my pacifist worldview, that passage hit hard. Again, I'm very much aware that such a quote would be less ironic in a book that had caused a fewer crusades, but still. All in all, the Second Book of Samuel is a dramatic tale, with historical intrigue and words of wisdom making it my #1 favorite in the "Historical Books" portion of the Old Testament.
11. I Corinthians (New Testament)
Easily my favorite out of the many, many Epistles in the New Testament. The whole thing about faith, hope and love remaining (and love being the greatest of them) might feel like quite a cliché if you've ever set foot in a church, but it's one of the more well-known passages of the Bible for a reason. It still rings true today, and I must admit that after reading thousands of pages filled with fundamentalism, sexism and family trees that go on forever, reading such sweet words brought a big old smile on my face. It's nice when the Bible is wholesome.
10. Zechariah (Old Testament)
Time jumps. Cryptic dialogue. An ambiguous ending. Metaphors that are hard to decipher. Descriptions of dream-like visions ranging from men riding colored horses into strange valleys and the high priest Joshua making a return from beyond the grave to a flying scroll and a small woman in a pot. Simply put, I never expected the Bible to get so...Lynchian.
9. Psalms (Old Testament)
I'm a musician and a poet, so I suppose it makes sense that I enjoy the book that consists of various hymnal lyrics. This book also marked the most concrete example of this Bible-reading project being beneficial in my life, as I found a perfect passage from Psalm 45 ("A wedding song for a King") to quote in my Best Man's speech at my best friend's wedding last summer - he comes from a very religious family and his dad is a priest, so I felt pretty good about myself when quoting scripture like a boss at that particular event.
8. The Gospel of Mark (New Testament)
The Gospel of Mark is the shortest out the quartet, and a nice and compact look at Jesus's life and teachings. It skips the legendary birth tale and the Messiah's childhood, instead fast-forwarding straight to his baptism by John the Baptist. Due to the book's compact nature, the Gospel of Mark doesn't quite reach the same level of depth as my two favorite Gospels, but it still has plenty of compelling viewpoints and words of wisdom to offer.
7. Genesis (Old Testament)
Where it all began. The very first book of the Old Testament packs a lot of iconic material into its length - I'd say that about half the stuff that I knew about the Old Testament beforehand, due to what I remember from religion class in school as well as pop culture, comes from this one book. You got your creation of the world, your Adam and Eve, your Cain and Abel, your Noah's Ark, you Tower of Babel and your Patriarchs, all told in a compact manner. The high point of Genesis for me was the story of Joseph (the OG Joseph, not to be confused with the more well-known Joseph from the New Testament), as it is possibly the most gripping and poetic character tale that the entire Bible had to offer.
6. Job (Old Testament)
I don't entirely agree with the main lesson of the Book of Job - it was, in fact, ruined for me at an early age by South Park (1997-Present) out of all things, as the Season 5 episode Cartmanland does a pretty good job of debunking the moral of this story.
It still makes it to sixth place in my ranking, largely due to the dramatic nature of the story, its poetic language, and its narrative structure. You can't help but relate to the main character, who is so layered and humanized when compared to most of the major players in the Bible, thus making it gripping to read as he slowly loses everything he loves in life. The dramatic conversations he has with his friends make for a fascinating look at a religious man starting to lose faith and question his worldviews, making this into one of the more deep and hard-hitting books in the Bible. The story is also told in a very intriguing narrative frame, as we witness actual conversations between God and Satan taking place in their own realms. So, even though the actual moral of the story falls a bit flat, the Book of Job was still an immense page-turner and one of the most interesting reads in the Old Testament.
5. The Gospel of Matthew (New Testament)
The first book of the New Testament tells the story of Jesus Christ, from birth and life to death and resurrection, and it's quite something. The difference between testaments old and new is striking, as we're introduced to a more evolved God who feels less like a Marvel villain and more like a benevolent and merciful being, someone you might actually want to love and believe in instead of being motivated by fear and violence. The Gospel of Matthew may be 2000 years old and therefore poorly aged at parts, but when compared to the Old Testament, it's woke as hell.
4. Proverbs (Old Testament)
The Book of Proverbs is essentially a long litany of catchy sayings, having to do with life and death and God and humanity and everything in between. Naturally, some old the sayings are unfortunate products of their time that make one shake their head at people who still choose to take the Bible literally in the modern world, but I found most of the proverbs to be surprisingly delightful. Many of the Bible's greatest wisdoms can be found here - "Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones" (Prov. 16:24), "Can a man walk on hot coals, without his feet being scorched?" (Prov. 6:28) and "Those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin on themselves" (Prov. 11:17) are just a few choice examples.
3. The Gospel of Luke (New Testament)
Picking your favorite Gospel is like picking your favorite Beatle - all four bring their own unique touch to the mix, so it's hard to compare them. But, gun to my head, my favorite one has to barely be the Gospel of Luke. It focuses on the parts of Christianity that most strike a tone with me - the teachings of grace and redemption, of looking out for the less fortunate members of society, of peace and harmony and love. Many classic stories that are classics for a damn good reason, such as the Good Samaritan and the Prodigal Son, are featured only in this account of Jesus's life and teachings.
2. Revelation (New Testament)
Now, you need to understand that I read the Bible while being a) not quite as passionate about Christianity as most people who read the entire thing, and b) very much a literary enthusiast. The Book of Revelation is damn good literature. The dramatic language, as John describes the apocalyptic vision he saw, is colorful and epic in scope. Ending the New Testament (and thus the entire Bible) on such a strange note, with a detailed vision on how the rapture will happen according to the narrator, is a striking and powerful way to bring the entire thing to a close. Not the most conventional ending, but certainly a bombastic one, and one that will leave some impressive cataclysmic imagery in your head.
1. Ecclesiastes (Old Testament)
While there is a lot of philosophy in the Bible - after all, that's what religion really is - I found 95% of it all to be unfortunately narrow-minded in its strange own way. Of course, this can be attributed to the worldviews of the time when it was written, but that doesn't stop it from being a down-weighing factor when a modern person such as myself reads the whole thing through, hoping to find mind-blowing bits of wisdom. The Bible certainly does have its share of those, but for a book all about finding new perspectives on life and finding larger meanings to the world, nearly all of the Bible's teaching end up fitting into a very narrow moral and philosophical spectrum.
And that's why the Book of Ecclesiastes is the ultimate breath of fresh air - it doesn't fit into that spectrum, but rather inserts a whole new way of looking at things into the mix.
Mind you, the Book of Ecclesiastes isn't even all that close to my own worldview; I'm an idealist, and nowhere near as nihilistic as the fabled narrator of this book. But I have a huge appreciation for just how open-minded this narrator is, as he looks at the world through a complicated lens that doesn't seem to fit in with many of the Bible's teachings, while still feeling Christian enough to earn its place in the Bible. For those not familiar, Ecclesiastes follows the thoughts and ramblings of an unnamed narrator, introduced as the son of King David. It is unclear whether he was a literal or metaphorical son, or how real/fictional this person really was - apparently one theory is that the book was written by Solomon himself at his old age. I'm absolutely obsessed with this viewpoint, as it's so fascinating to picture such a conventional figure of Christianity reaching such complex and barrier-breaking wisdoms with age.
There are many brilliant passages that I could use to illustrate just how wise the Book of Ecclesiastes is, but I reckon the one I'll go with is Ecc. 11:9: "Rejoice, o young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgement". Christianity aside, if you view the 'God' in question as a higher power or value befitting your own worldview, this is damn good advise for anyone: we're allowed and even encouraged to enjoy the days of our youth, but we're still urged to remember that actions have consequences and that the pursuit of pleasure in life doesn't justify dumb or harmful actions. I also just like that the Bible features this sort of passage that delightfully contradicts the whole "You're not allowed to enjoy your life on Earth simply because Heaven is waiting! Sit here and suffer!" shtick that the New Testament is woefully full of.
So, there you have it. While parts of the Bible were a chore to get through, I do not regret this project - I got a lot out of it, whether it was the historical intrigue of the Epistle to the Hebrews, the literary enjoyment of Revelation, or the wisdom found from Ecclesiastes. As for the parts I didn't like, well, it just might have been worth it if only for the fact that I now have a better knowledge of the downsides to this belief system as well as the upsides, and I had a great time ranting about the book's less-than-delightful aspects in this post.
Thank you for reading! Tune in next week, as I celebrate the ever-nearing Christmas season by ranking all 16 Christmas Specials that Doctor Who (1963-1989; 2005-Present) has annually released ever since its 2005 revival.
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