Greetings, reader!
Well, I recently finished watching eight seasons of schemes, affairs, breakups, fires, hostage situations, murders, and about 20 different hit-and-run incidents taking place on peaceful suburban cul-de-sac - needless to say, it's one of the greatest TV shows ever made. Scoring literally full points for entertainment value in my books, Desperate Housewives also took time off the soap opera thing to be intense, clever, tear-jerking and a shit-ton of other stuff in between. Out of the many amazing episodes in the 180-episode run, these are the very best ones.
Here are my honorable mentions: Pilot (Season 1 Episode 1), One Wonderful Day (Season 1 Episode 23), My Husband, the Pig (Season 3 Episode 16), City on Fire (Season 5 Episode 8), I Guess This Is Goodbye (Season 6 Episode 23).
And a spoiler alert is in order!
10. Give Me the Blame (Season 8 Episode 22)
"Let me tell you something about neighborhood. It's not just a bunch of houses in the same place. It's a community. It's lives that are connected, people who care about each other..."
"That's great. Now, back to Mrs. Perry..."
"I know it sounds sappy but dammit, it's true. And these wonderful people I've lived beside...well, they're my family"
The structure of the show's final season is quite brilliant: the second-last episode feels like the true finale to season 8 specifically, tying up many loose ends and thus leaving room for the series finale to feel like a closing chapter for the whole series. The penultimate episode Give Me the Blame works as a fantastic culmination to the How to Get Away with Murder -plotline that dominated the final season, as the courtroom drama keeps you guessing with the stakes higher than ever.
The eventual conclusion is the stuff of legends: Mrs. McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten), the absolute guardian angel of Wisteria Lane, saves the day with a monologue that is part selfless sacrifice, part calculated risk, part love letter to the show's core themes, and all heart.
9. Look Into Their Eyes and You See What They Know (Season 5 Episode 19)
"As I looked down on the world, I began to let go of it. I let go of the white picket fences, and cars in driveways, coffee cups and vacuum cleaners. I let go of all those things that seemed too ordinary, but when you put them together they make up a life...a life that really was one of a kind. I'll tell you something: it's not hard to die when you know you have lived. And I did. Oh, how I lived!"
It sucks to read up on the behind-the-scenes drama that lead to Nicollette Sheridan's departure from the show - her character Edie Britt was such a magnificent dose of pure chaos into the show's dynamics throughout the first five seasons, and it sounds like the actress was really done dirty. Thank God that they did the bare minimum and gave her a dynamite exit episode (I'd be so mad if they hadn't).
In a swan song that pulls out all the stops, we follow the aftermath of Edie's untimely death, while flashbacks shed light on the specific individual relationship that each of the four main characters had with her. It's a touching send-off, and an appropriate testament to what a great character you can lose by being a jerk showrunner.
8. Epiphany (Season 6 Episode 20)
"There is a house in the town of Fairview. Inside this house lives a monster - the kind who kills women. You may wonder how a monster like that came to be. The answer is simple: monsters are created by other monsters"
Oh man, this one hit me right in the feels. It's a hellishly impressive feat for a screenwriter to make viewers feel any degree of sympathy for a character who *checks notes* STRANGLES WOMEN, but somehow, they pulled it off. Writing a complex villain is extremely difficult, as attempts to give a degree of humanity to an otherwise evil person often end up either A) not doing enough and thus making the villain nothing but evil in the viewer's mind, or B) going too much overboard and making the villain into an antihero that the viewer might accidentally support despite the storyteller's intention of just fleshing out their villains. Eddie Orlofsky (Josh Zuckerman) is one of the rare cases where a storyteller manages to convey how two things can be true at once: he's a frightening antagonist doing horrible things, AND he's a victim who could've turned out very different if he had been brought up in a different environment.
As a teacher, I firmly believe that no one is born to be a bully or any other sort of scoundrel, and more often than not, it's something like neglectful and/or unloving parental figures that affect a person becoming the way they are. Epiphany, the hands-down deepest episode that the generally entertainment-first series did in its 8-season run, shows us Eddie's heartbreaking backstory, and while its exact themes and takeaways could be endlessly analyzed and debated, one thing is clear: no matter what you think of Eddie in a nature-vs-nurture, victim-vs-perpetrator sense, the true monster is the mother who wasn't cut out to be a parent, didn't show him love, and set him up for failure.
The entire endgame of season 6, but this episode in particular, poses some profound questions: how much of all that happens is Eddie's fault, when it's so clear that he would've turned out very different if he had had a parent like Lynette instead of the crappy hand he was dealt? Deep down on the level of the soul, can he be said to be any different than the Scavo kids, any of whom might have turned out horrible if the places were swapped? There's no easy answer to such questions, but it's important and fascinating to ponder such things in a world that needs more nuance, and it was a pleasant surprise to have a chaotic soap opera prompt such trains of thought.
7. Remember (Season 2 Episodes 23-24)
"The trick is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon. Yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn't see coming...but that's really the point, don't you think?"
I felt bad writing the descriptions for places #8 to #10, as they were in many ways quite untypical episodes in the series, and having so many outliers in the top ten with reasonings like "This one is good because it provoked philosophical questions about human nature" or "This one made me cry like a baby" felt like I'm praising Desperate Housewives for elements that aren't really what the show is about first and foremost, which felt unfair, as I absolutely love the show at its core despite the amount of 'different' episodes in my top ten. That's where today's #7 comes in: the two-part finale to the second season is as Desperate Housewives as it gets, as you can gather for the quote I chose above, where Mary Alice basically breaks the third wall and deadass says what the series is all about and why it kicks so much ass.
Yeah, Remember is a pretty perfect encapsulation of the series. You get romantic intrigue and relationship drama, moments of silly humor interspersed betwixt a dramatic and suspenseful conclusion to the season's villain arch, answers to mysteries that pose further questions, a minor character getting randomly hit by a car, and a completely separate incident where a very major character is ran over by another major character in a moment of pure mystery-cliffhanger chaos that would have ripple-effect consequences for years and years to come.
And, most importantly, you have the show's most unique character (as well as one of the best), Mary Alice Young, doing her thing as narrator and endless source of emotionally charged lore. It's always a treat to see Mary Alice in addition to hearing her, and this episode is one of the best, most heartstring-tugging utilizations of her character, as flashbacks show how each of the four main women first met her once they moved to Wisteria Lane. Beautiful stuff.
6. Bang (Season 3 Episode 7)
"I'm having a really bad day. Is a little cooperation too much to ask?"
It's the highest-rated episode of the series on IMDB with an impressive 9.5, and no wonder why. The "chaotic disaster episode" archetype would prove to be so popular that the series would go on to try and replicate its glory in many delightful attempts, but it's hard to beat the original. In Bang, a high-stakes hostage situation unfolds as emotions run high, and the whole thing manages to be chaotically entertaining while still feeling legitimately intense, to the point that the first-time viewer is fully invested and full-on panicing. It's great TV.
5. The Little Things You Do Together (Season 3 Episode 15)
"I can't believe you bagged another neighborhood kid!"
"Where are you going?"
"To warn the Scavo boys!"
I have a massive soft spot for this episode, which feels like the de-facto finale of the third season as many of the season's central mystery storylines are resolved and there's no clear and cohesive endgame for the rest of the season. The show's writing is at its absolute best, as the subplot follows some mega-entertaining and whimsically unserious character drama unfolding at Scavo's Pizzeria, while the main plot brings one of the show's better storylines to a hectic, dramatic conclusion.
Andrew Van De Kamp and Orson Hodge are among the show's best characters, and both of them have moments of heroism that had me weeping as they rush against time to save Bree's life. It's an emotionally charged, truly climactic and quite unforgettable 45 minutes of television.
4. Something's Coming (Season 4 Episode 9)
"Is that the tornado?"
"Worse, it's the Scavos"
Ah, the legendary tornado episode. You know you've done something right when both my fiancée Martta and her sister Iida, both of whom are die-hard Desperate Housewives fans, consider this midseason finale to be the show's #1 best episode. While it is barely outdone by three even better episodes in the humble opinion of this Desperate Houswives newbie, I do see where they're coming from; it's a damn great episode.
Out of all the disaster episodes the series did, this one is probably the most random conceptually, yet it still feels more real and serious than any of the others. The escalation is done so well, as the approaching disaster can be seen and felt in little ways, and the directors and set designers did a fantastic job gradually ramping up the wind from scene to scene, making it truly feel like the moment of absolute devastation is slowly but surely getting closer and closer. All of the character drama that unfolds throughout that unforgettable day is quite perfect for the episode as well, and those final moments are just so damn intense.
3. Down the Block There's a Riot (Season 7 Episode 10)
"This is all on you, I hope you know that!"
"Me? Those are your friends out there, Lynette. The solid citizens of Fairview! Tell me again why you think they're better than a bunch of ex-cons"
This one could be counted as one of the disaster episodes, but the calamity element itself isn't why it beats out its counterparts (in terms of creativity, "a riot" isn't quite up there with "nightclub fire", "tornado" and "a goddamn plane crashes onto Wisteria Lane because of course it does"). Naturally, the well-directed chaos sequences throughout the climactic riot do help, but more than the directing, it's the writing - Down the Block There's a Riot is some of the best storytelling the series ever delivered.
In a series full of great villains, Paul Young is more or less in a league of his own. He was brilliant as the mystery antagonist (with an ultimately humane motive behind all the horrors) in season 1, and after a long break, the final seconds of the season 6 finale brought us a chills-down-your-spine return for the show's OG villain. Paul is the hands-down best part of season 7, as his arch manages to be even more psychologically complex and emotionally gripping than before (all villainy aside, you can't help but feel for the guy), yet he simultaneously manages to escalate to an almost cartoonish (said with the utmost respect) level of entertaining villainy. His scheming antics throughout the season are an absolute joy and thrill to follow, and never more so than in this episode.
Watching his nefarious master plan unfold, causing chaos of the utmost degree across the episode, is just perfection. And the dialogue quoted above hits so goddamn hard because, well, the man has a point. The episode holds a mirror to the show's main characters and their supposed values, making the viewer ask who the real bad guy is in a situation like that. All in all, the episode is thrilling and intense, emotionally charged, impressively thought-provoking and just a masterclass of television.
2. Finishing the Hat (Season 8 Episode 23)
"As Susan left her driveway, she had a feeling she was being watched. And she was"
Ah - no notes. The series finale leaves nothing to be desired, no plot threads unwrapped, and just nothing less than absolute poetic satisfaction. As I mentioned above, the most intense plot-heavy drama of the final season got its conclusion in the penultimate episode, and this was a brilliant choice as it allowed for the very last episode to feel like an epilogue. Saying goodbye is a bittersweet thing, and this episode absolutely f**king nails the emotion of saying goodbye after a bunch of good times - an emotion that comes with events such as moving out from a neighborhood where you lived for years, or a great television series coming to its final episode.
The balance of 'bitter' and 'sweet' is delicious throughout the episode - Susan is moving away, everyone has exciting new opportunities in their love lives and/or careers, there's a wedding because of course there is, but Susan's daughter Julie gives birth on the same day because of course she does - and Mrs. McCluskey makes the big move from Wisteria Lane to the great neighborhood in the sky. All of this happening simultaneously makes for the utmost flow of tears, especially when knowing that McCluskey's actress (national treasure Kathryn Joosten) was very ill at that point, barely being able to film those final episodes, and she ended up passing away just weeks after the series wrapped up. This makes it all the more touching when the characters say their last words to the characters, as the actors were clearly having to prepare to say a difficult goodbye in real life as well.
When all is said and done in this emotional rollercoaster, the final scene follows Susan driving off as she leaves Wisteria Lane for good - and as the show's final emotional gut punch, every goddamn actor who had their character killed off throughout the show's eight seasons appears as a ghost watching her drive away. I remember how my heart jumped to my throat when I saw Mike, and the emotions only got more intense with the additions of McCluskey and her late son. After a fuck-bunch of more obscure side characters are seen, the very last ghost couldn't have possibly been anyone else than Mary Alice Young, and her last look as Susan leaves is simultaneously haunting yet also restful - maybe now she'll finally get to exit the purgatory of omniscient narration and enjoy the afterlife.
1. The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened (Season 5 Episode 13)
"Eli Scruggs sat in his truck for almost an hour, devastated that he had done nothing to save me. He then made a quiet vow to God: from that moment forward, he would do what he could to help people...to help them fix their lives. And for the rest of their life, that's exactly what he did"
For a viewer like me, this is a clear and easy #1 pick. The show's one hundredth episode reads like a charming, beautiful love letter to the series, while touching some larger-than-life themes. The narrative framing of the episode is an untypical and immediately fascinating one: we begin with the death of a handyman we've never seen before, and we then spend a majority of the episode seeing flashbacks of this handyman interacting with the show's main characters.
In just one 45-minute episode, Eli Scruggs (played by Beau Bridges) finds his way into all of our hearts. The flashbacks showcase many ideas worthy of the show's 100-episode milestone: how someone like a trustworthy handyman can give the perfect viewpoint to the various secrets and drama going on around the neighborhood, how all of the four main characters needed a helping hand to get through some tough times, and how those helping hands in one's life can often be unseen, unsung heroes stemming from unlikely places. It's touching to see how important Eli was to the main characters, helping each one during a pivotal moment in their lives, and how fondly they remember him when paying their respects.
This becomes especially evident in that heart-wrenching ending: after having our Susan, Bree, Gabrielle and Lynette storylines, we flash back once more, to the show's most profound character: Mary Alice Young, the woman whose suicide kicked off the entire series. Her interaction with Eli took place just moments before her death, and it was that ever-so-human sense of "I should have done more to help" that made Eli the man he became, one who doesn't look the other way but rather has to intervene when he sees someone suffering. That's a beautiful way to look at life - God knows how we need people like that in real life. I know plenty of real-life Elis (I'm even engaged to one), and they're the very best people I know. It's funny how a show so often delving into cynicism and purposefully unlikable lead characters managed to produce an episode that is one of the most touching testaments to kindness that I've seen in movies and TV. An unforgettable episode, and a brilliant roadmap on how to treat other people.
Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I continue my Desperate Housewives posting with a list of the show's greatest villains.
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