The Top 11 Best Movies of 2021

Greetings, reader!

What? Top 11? Instead of the usual ten? Why???

I assure you, I have not gone mad nor have I lost the ability to count to ten and then stop. I merely felt that there were one too many films in this bunch that deserved to be praised and discussed, so why not break from the arbitrary convention of top ten lists for once? Okay, maybe what happened was that I had already written this post, after which I saw one more film that was better than some others on this list, but I didn't want to waste the kick-ass text I had written of my previous #10.

Anyways, the year 2021 ends tomorrow, and so it is once again time to rank the year's greatest movies. I didn't see as many new releases this year as I would've liked in a less pandemic-ridden world (as you might guess from the, ahem, varying quality of my honorable mentions). But I saw enough for there to be at least these eleven excellent new films that I can thoroughly recommend to fellow friends of the cinematic arts and entertainment!

Here are my honorable mentions: F9: The Fast Saga, Godzilla Vs. Kong, Halloween Kills, No Time to Die.

11. The Harder They Fall

"This is a wanted man. Turn his body in and you will get five thousand dollars for your church"

"Why aren't you taking him yourself?"

"I'm worth ten"

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and throw a wild guess that Jeymes Samuel, director of Netflix western The Harder They Fall, grew up watching Quentin Tarantino movies. From the stylized violence and funky graphics to the old-school yet modern revisionist western feel and the comedic dialogue in a non-comedy film, this movie is very, very Tarantino-influenced. That's not to say that it's a rip-off, though: Samuel definitely brings his own unique touch into the mix. The multi-talent didn't settle for mere writing and directing, either: Jeymes Samuel also composed the soundtrack!

The Harder They Fall is a modern western that may not blow your mind, but is a delight to watch nonetheless. Jonathan Majors proves to be one of Hollywood's more promising up-and-coming stars as he shines in the lead role, while fellow young stars (Zazie Beetz, LaKeith Stanfield) as well as iconic old-timers (Idris Elba, Delroy Lindo) make for a great supporting cast. The Harder They Fall is an entertaining, well-produced and joyfully Tarantino-esque viewing experience.

Speaking of Tarantino influences...

10. The Suicide Squad

"They call you Peacemaker"

"I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women and children I kill to get it"

Needless to say, my expectations were not high for DC's The Suicide Squad. Even when it came out and got positive reviews, I was skeptical, having been down that road before - 2016's Suicide Squad was so reviled, that when similar film Birds of Prey came out in 2020 and wasn't terrible, it was praised as great merely because people thought it didn't suck as much as Suicide Squad did. So, when James Gunn's reboot with the concept of "Fuck it, let's try it again" got good reviews, I figured it just meant that it's not as bad as the previous Suicide Squad, nothing more than that. Walking into the theater, I certainly wasn't expecting to see one of the best modern DC films.

Well, that's exactly what I saw. The Suicide Squad is surprisingly awesome, and not just because of the aforementioned Tarantino influences that James Gunn happily paints his unapologetically violent and entertaining vision with - it's about more than that. It's about a film studio that learned its lesson and finally gave their director free hands.

Pretty much all of the problems that DC Comics' movies have had in the last few decades can be traced back to the same dilemma - they've hired creative filmmakers with artistic visions, and then they've completely boxed them in with demands that the films don't try anything risky but rather fit into the cliché superhero formula we all know and are sick of. That's why Suicide Squad didn't work. That's why 2017's Justice League didn't work. With The Suicide Squad, DC finally got the memo and let James Gunn make the film James Gunn wanted do make, thus making for a different-feeling and unique comic book film. Hoping for more of these instances in the years to come!

Speaking of comic book movies...

9. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

"I know you don't like to talk about your life, but a guy with a freaking MACHETE FOR AN ARM just chopped our bus in half!"

My expectations for the future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe were at a low-point sometime in 2021, as the new Black Widow had sadly earned its spot as my least-favorite out of the 26-film-franchise, the trailer for The Eternals didn't look promising, and the new TV shows felt like too much to keep up with (I have since watched the shows and must admit that they were worth the time and the one-month Disney Plus subscription).

Then came Shang-Chi, and suddenly things in the world of Marvel feel promising once more. It's an all-around excellent origin story in the tradition of Iron Man (2008) and Black Panther (2018), as it introduces a likable and interesting new superhero with a fresh twist and an exciting setting. The aesthetic throughout the film is absolutely beautiful, the action sequences are extremely well-choreographed and thrilling to follow, and the balance between "surprisingly decent storytelling and themes" and "fun and entertaining comic book shenanigans" that the MCU is known for is once again on point.

Speaking of Asian superheroes...

8. 14 Peaks: Nothing is Impossible

"Don't be afraid to dream big. It doesn't matter where you come from. You can show the world that nothing is impossible"

Those words, if spoken by a rock star or other typical celebrity, might feel a bit generic and insincere. But when spoken by a group of Nepalese climbers who have just summited all 14 of the world's over-8000-meter peaks in the span of seven months - you know, actual real-life superheroes - those words suddenly seem to ring true on a whole new level.

14 Peaks is a documentary that works on many levels. On a cinematic level, it is a very well-made film, with the camerawork from the high-altitude summits being absolutely stunning as the crew did an excellent job capturing the journey of Nirmal Purja and company. But more importantly, the film works wonders on an inspirational level - it is documented just how much Nirmal's ambitious project meant to the people of Nepal, from shedding light on how unfairly burdened the Sherpas are in aiding Western mountaineers, to showing that Nepal's historically overlooked own people can break records and scale the highest summits just as well as the traditionally record-breaking and headline-inspiring westerners. Powerful stuff.

7. Don't Look Up (2021)

"We really did have everything, didn't we?"

Sure, at times it's hokey. And it's about as subtle as a climate scientist dressed as a dying polar bear barging into your room, screaming "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE UNLESS OUR GOVERNMENTS AND CORPORATIONS GET THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR ASSES AND FUCKING DO SOMETHING". But that's okay. You know why? Because we're all gonna die unless our governments and corporations get their heads out of their asses and fucking do something.

Okay, maybe not 'we', so much as 'our children and especially their children and all future generations and the whole future of this planet and the human race'. But sure, the choice to save the planet doesn't do anything to profit governments and corporations now, so obviously, it's "screw the future generations, happy climate wars and famine you suckers!"

The point is, there's a time and place for subtlety. That time and place is often evident in socially charged movies, especially when it comes to intricate and complicated issues that shouldn't be discussed in a black-and-white manner. But when it comes to issues like "people who believe in science and want to save the planet while there's still a chance versus people whose political ideology is anti-science and who are actively making sure the planet and humanity have no future", that's not the time and place for subtlety. That's the time and place for a simplistic, cut-throat satire like Don't Look Up, which is more lesson than actual cinema, and perhaps that is why this review is more societal rant than conventional movie review.

6. Hytti Nro. 6

"Täällä on varmaan jossakin joku tehdas missä tommosia jätkiä tehään"

Go Finland! Having won the Grand Prix, the second-most highly coveted award in the Cannes film festival, not to mention its Golden Globe nomination for best Non-English Language Motion Picture and its shortlisting for the upcoming Academy Award nominations, the signs are pointing towards Juho Kuosmanen's Hytti Nro. 6 to very possibly being nominated for the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar. If this happened, it would be the second-ever time that a Finnish film has been nominated in this category, the first being Aki Kaurismäki's brilliant Mies Vailla Menneisyyttä (2002). My fingers are crossed for this to happen, not only because I'm naturally rooting for my 'home team', but also because this is one fantastic film that thoroughly deserves the acclaim.

The film is based on Rosa Liksom's novel of the same name, and it takes place largely on a lengthy train trip from Moscow to Murmansk. Through the lens of artistic cinematography and a soothing slow pace, we follow the two main characters Laura (Seidi Haarla) and Ljoha (Yuri Borisov) as their relationship grows from adversarial compartment mates to unlikely friends. The film is relaxing, captivating and ultimately very sweet, albeit with a gritty Finnish-Siberian twist.

5. Inside

"So I'm not talking to anybody right now, I'm just talking to myself. So yeah, who fucking cares? Fuck you, and goodbye, and let's keep going"

I had some trouble going back and forth on whether or not I'd count Bo Burnham's Inside as a 'movie' for the purposes of this list - I consulted more than one fellow film buff about this, which made for some fascinating talks on what makes a movie a movie. While Inside is classified as a TV special / comedy special on most platforms, I ended up going "screw it, it's going on my list" - partially because I don't see why a filmed, edited and produced one-and-a-half hour piece of media released on Netflix shouldn't be counted as a movie (one in the genre of experimental documentaries, I suspect), and partially because it was one of the better things to come out this year and I wanted to discuss it on my blog.

Now, with "What makes Inside a movie (arguably)?" out of the way, let's move on to the more important question: what makes Inside a good whatever-the-hell-it-is?

Well, it's unique, it's entertaining, it's relatable as hell and above all, it's honest. Inside was filmed during the course of a year, in one room, as Burnham struggles with everything from his comedy to his art to his worldview to his mental health, and shares it all with the world. As much as I respect the insane amount of work that went into writing the songs, putting the whole thing together and transforming his room to look like a million different aesthetics via brilliant creativity in lighting and 'set design', there's one thing I respect even more: the sheer brutal honesty and openness.

Of course, I don't know Burnham personally so I have no way of knowing for sure, but my strong hunch is that Inside doesn't have one bit of over-dramatization, pretense or such things. When we follow Burnham going through a million different emotions and breaking down at the worst of times, it doesn't feel like he's doing this for the fame or the drama or the acclaim or any of that. He was simply going through a tough time (and who wasn't in 2020?), and decided to film his experiences and bravely share it with the world, to show that we weren't going through it alone. It takes a great deal of courage to show yourself at your most vulnerable, and I believe that this is exactly what Burnham did with Inside.

4. The Many Saints of Newark

"That's the guy, my Uncle Tony. The guy I went to hell for"

I see The Sopranos as the Godfather of television shows. And, keeping with that comparison, prequel film The Many Saints of Newark is the Godfather: Part II that the series needed to feel more whole. I guess we'll see whether or not the franchise follows suit by eventually making an unnecessary Godfather III.

The Many Saints of Newark gives viewers everything one expects from a prequel: the delight of seeing younger versions of beloved characters (and this is done with impeccable casting as well, from the late James Gandolfini's son Michael playing a young Tony Soprano to Vera Farmiga and Corey Stoll killing it as Livia Soprano and Uncle Junior), explanations to the characters' backstories that had previously been left open, and a nostalgic return to the atmosphere we know and love. Add in some intriguing cultural viewpoints to the context of the era where Tony Soprano was brought up, narration by Michael Imperioli himself and a kick-ass soundtrack, and you got yourself a Sopranos movie that not only meets fan expectations, but exceeds them.

3. Zack Snyder's Justice League

"The bell's already been rung. And they've heard it...out in the dark, among the stars. Ding dong, the God is dead"

2017's Justice League was a disappointing mess. Hearing that original director Zack Snyder had had a great and artistic vision for it, only for replacement director Joss Whedon and the studio executives to absolutely ruin it with editing and post-production choices after Snyder had to drop out due to the tragic death of his son, was nothing short of heartbreaking. Justice League could've been the legitimately different comic book movie we were looking for, the deserved conclusion to Snyder's opinion-dividing but greatly-appreciated-by-this-guy work with Man of Steel (2013) and Batman v Superman: The Dawn of Justice (2016). But the end result cut out all of Snyder's fantastic style choices, all of the rich backstories and motivations to make the characters interesting, and essentially all of the elements that were supposed to make the film into actually good cinema, instead going for a generic two-hour cash grab.

Four years later, and I do apologize for the pun, justice was served. Snyder finally finished and released his cut of the film, and let me tell you, it is truly eye-opening to see how the same material can make for both a crappy film and a semi-masterpiece, based on the choices made in the editing room. With the proper intense soundtrack and Snyder-esque use of slow motion and dark color schemes, not to mention a four-hour runtime that lets us explore our main characters and villains, the Snyder cut of Justice League was definitely one of 2021's cinematic highlights for myself. It may not be for everyone, but it is 100 per cent the movie that nerdy Snyder fans like myself were expecting (and got deprived of) in 2017.

2. tick, tick...Boom!

"Jon? Stephen Sondheim here. Rosa gave me this number, I hope it's okay to call you. I didn't get a chance to speak with you after the reading, but I just wanted to say it was really good. Congratulations"

tick, tick...Boom! is pretty much the furthest you can get from what many of us would call a 'typical' musical, as it breaks conventions and barriers on multiple levels, yet still manages to represent what makes the genre great. The musical was an autobiographical one, written by the genius Jonathan Larson before his untimely passing, with its narrative going back-and-forth between dramatic moments from Larson's life and thoughts and ramblings in the form of desperate stand-up comedy as he struggles to make sense of it all. Twenty-five years after Larson's passing, tick, tick...Boom! was adapted onto the big screen, with Lin-Manuel Miranda himself behind the director's chair.

The end result left me speechless. Larson's story wasn't familiar to me beforehand, but just like many other viewers, I was in tears by the end. The film has a whole lot to say about life, and as hard as this might be to imagine for people who know me, I somehow found a tad of relatability in the main character who spends all his time on creative ambitious endeavours while stressing over the unfairness and inequality of the world and the fact that everyone can't be saved and over-analyzing everything to a point of philosophical conundrums so vast that the only sensible thing to do was to write an unconventional musical about it.

Furthermore, Andrew Garfield smashed all expectations in the lead role, making for one of the greatest acting performances that the genre of musical cinema has ever seen.

1. Dune

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer"

The road to Dune was not a simple one. The 1965 book by Frank Herbert is one of my all-time favorites, and one of the most sacred works in the world of science fiction. In a way similar to Lord of the Rings before Peter Jackson's films, there was a steady belief among fans for decades and decades that Dune could never be properly adapted into a movie, as its world is so intricate and unique that no film could capture it. This seemed to be the case especially after 1984's Dune, which proved that even a world class director like David Lynch wasn't up for the task.

Enter Denis Villeneuve.

A fan of the book from childhood, and a visionary science fiction director who did some of the best sci-fi work of the 2010's, Villeneuve was the man for the job. Apparently, Dune always was the project he wanted to direct, believing that given the right budget and cast, he'd have the vision to prove fans wrong and make an adaptation worthy of Herbert's novel. I remember watching Villeneuve's most acclaimed previous works, Arrival (2016) and Blade Runner 2049 (2017), and viewing them as if they were his audition for the job of directing Dune - and they passed the test. If anyone would be able to complete this impossible task, it was Villeneuve, as his style felt just right. Although I was hyped up for Dune (possibly more so than for any other new movie in my lifetime so far), I was also nervous about whether or not the film could be good enough. When the film's Finnish premiere finally rolled around after multiple Covid-related delays, I dropped everything and took a train to Helsinki to catch the first showing (weirdly at 10:00 A.M.) with my best friend. And we were floored.

The film is everything it was supposed to be. I'm not sure if I've ever seen a movie that is adapted from its source material as well as this one - all of the locations look just like I had imagined them when reading the book, all of the characters look and act just right, and Hans Zimmer's exotic score hits the exactly right atmosphere. The visual effects, production design, casting and other departments were absolutely on point, making for a cinematic adaptation that truly feels like the pages from the book come to life. Nothing short of a masterpiece and a stone-cold future classic.

Thank you for reading! I'm also going to follow my tradition of listing 2021's greatest TV shows, but that'll have to wait a few weeks - next week's Thursday is January 6th, and for the one-year anniversary of the Capitol insurrection, I'm doing a somber and reflective post on the 10 pieces of media that defined that dreadful day. See you then!

Ranking Every Netflix Original Christmas Movie

I...I...I did something I'm not proud of.

You may or may not be familiar with the wonderous world of Netflix Original Christmas Movies. It's this baffling subgenre of holiday films, with more and more of these increasingly clichéd and lazy films being mass-produced by the streaming service each year. By now, there are a lot of these films, and let me tell you - most of them aren't very good.

That being said, I did watch them all. Now, in my defense, it wasn't all this year - knowing that I wanted to a post on this topic but that watching them all during one holiday season would be self-destructive, I started last year by watching as many of them as I could stomach during December. I then watched the rest of Netflix's offerings this year, and have now seen them all. Well, in a manner of speaking - I decided to give myself some mercy and narrowed the selection down a bit.

For example, foreign films are excluded - not because I'd want to be all 'America first', but because this project would've been even more insane if I had gone down the rabbit hole of German and Dutch Netflix Originals. When excluding those, as well as films that are on the gray area of how 'Netflix Original' they really are (for example, there are many Christmas films that are originally by the Hallmark channel but that were re-released as supposed "Netflix originals"), I was still left with twenty-four films. Here's my ranking.

24. Holidate (2020)

Ugh. The phrase "In poor taste" was made for things like this movie - while nothing in the film is blatantly downright offensive, it's all just in really poor taste. It's the kind of film that if it had been made in the 80's, you'd think "Ah, well, it's just a product of it's time so we can't judge it too much!". But it was made in 2020, which is weird - the writers really should've known better. There are just so many instances of subtle sexism and outdated attitudes in this holiday rom-com's dialogue, that it'll leave you feeling uncomfortable - not the atmosphere that feel-good Christmas movies aim for.

23. A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby (2019)

I'm usually a sucker for sequels, at least much more so than typical movie buffs, because it's simply fun to see the familiar characters again and to continue the story. The feel-good element of seeing the Christmas Prince family again and catching up with their lives is what barely puts this film ahead of the likes of Holidate, a film that doesn't have any such likable elements in it.

That being said, the third Christmas Prince instalment is one crappy film.

The fun catching-up we get in the first fifteen minutes or so isn't enough to make up for the terrible, lazy writing that you'd expect from the Part 3 of a Netflix Original Christmas Movie franchise. Really scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

22. A California Christmas (2020)

I expected A California Christmas to be slightly above-average for this particular wing of cinema, simply because it looked different - the aesthetic of a ranch in California isn't your typical holiday film setting. Well, as it turns out, I was both right and wrong - the ranch setting is quite fresh and different for this genre, but that is the only positive thing this film has going on for it. The farm milieu is nice and everything, but otherwise this is such an unoriginal clichéd-out holiday rom-com, that my hypothesis of it being "better than average" ended up being dead-wrong. Oh well.

21. A Castle for Christmas (2021)

The narrative of the protagonist being a writer, struggling to overcome the controversy of her last book while coming up with ideas for her new one, is quite intriguing. And that's about it for the film's good sides. A would-be intriguing Scottish setting that the film doesn't do much with, coupled with an afterthought-feeling Christmas setting and a generic love story, ensue.

20. The Princess Switch 3: Romancing the Star (2021)

The third Princess Switch film is, well, the third Princess Switch movie. It is slightly better than the third Christmas Prince movie (I feel like I'm having a stroke while writing this), mainly because the trilogy as a whole is a tad less crappy so the viewer is more attached to the characters. But that doesn't stop this film from being the third film about a Chicago baker and her royal lookalike getting into yuletide situations where they have to switch places and pretend to be each other. I can only imagine the level of shenanigans we'll have when The Princess Switch 5: Doppelganger Armageddon rolls into Netflix in 2025.

19. Christmas Inheritance (2017)

Christmas Inheritance does have its moments, such as the sweet and heartwarming friendship between main character Ellen's (Eliza Taylor) father Jim (Neil Crone) and his longtime friend Zeke (Anthony Sherwood). But those moments are in short supply when compared to the film's many, many shortcomings - the overall plastic feeling of everything, the annoying rom-com cliché where the male love interest seems sweet but is actually quite the douchebag in a lowkey manner, and other such things.

The film would be placed even lower, but it has to get some bonus points for the fact that the small town in the clichéd-out "busy big city gal has lost herself in her business but learns the true meaning of Christmas when she travels to a cozy small town where she falls in love with a dream hunk who is actually sort of an asshole" narrative is called Snow Falls. Absolutely brilliant. That town name just may have been enough to make this whole project worth it.

18. Operation Christmas Drop (2020)

The true story that Operation Christmas Drop is sort-of based on is quite heartwarming , so I'll give them that. However, other than that, there's not much to like: the main characters are adequate but not particularly interesting, the love story is beyond clichéd and generic, and the whole thing just feels very plastic, even in the context of this very plastic subgenre of films. Still, cool real-life inspiration!

17. A California Christmas: City Lights (2021)

Yep, A California Christmas is the only instance in the world of Netflix Original Christmas Movies so far where the sequel is better than the original. Granted, the bar was set extremely low, but still - quite impressive!

The reasoning for my liking of the second California Christmas flick better than the first can be boiled down to the sentiment that this film simply tries less. The first movie tried a bit too hard to be a good rom-com, not one bit self-aware of how generic and clichéd it was. The second film has less pressure and thus manages to have more fun - I especially enjoyed the goofy subplot where side characters Manny (David Del Rio) and Brandy (Raquel Dominguez) find love.

16. A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding (2018)

Well, this film is a tad or maybe even two tads better than you'd expect the sequel to a Netflix Original Christmas Film to be. But, once again, one must consider how low of a bar that is to pass. There are bits and pieces that are quite fun, and it is entertaining to see what's going on in the lives of the first film's characters, but overall, the story is very generic and lazy. If you like these sorts of films as a guilty pleasure, The Royal Wedding might be worth watching once, assuming you enjoyed the first one. Just don't expect great things from it.

15. The Knight Before Christmas (2019)

We're starting to get to the ones that I actually enjoyed watching, at least on some level. The Knight Before Christmas is a bit too wooden and lazy to be considered good cinema, but it certainly is goofy and endearing enough to be decent entertainment. It definitely sticks out from the generic crowd, with its premise of a medieval knight being sent into modern times, where he adapts to modern customs during the most wonderful time of the year. Josh Whitehouse is wonderfully silly as Sir Cole, while Vanessa Hudgens (the unbridled queen of the Netflix Original Christmas universe) is her charming self. It's all good fun.

14. The Holiday Calendar (2018)

I'm a big fan of Holiday calendars, so it makes sense that a film about a magical Christmas calendar that grants wishes would strike my fancy. I still can't rank The Holiday Calendar too high, because character- and dialogue-wise it is definitely in the rather extreme end of generic and interchangeable Xmas films, but still - the plot narrative with the magical Christmas calendar does set it apart in a nice way!

13. El Camino Christmas (2017)

With all the talk of representation in Hollywood buzzing around, I think it's nice that Netflix gave its own Christmas film for a whole culture of people who often appear as mere side characters and stereotypes in cinema. The culture in question is, for the lack of a better word, "dirtbags".

In the fictional town of El Camino, Nevada, a liquor store robbery gone wrong leads to a violent clash between criminals, drunken police officers and confused bystanders, in this holiday flick that replaces the cutesy love stories and over-the-top Xmas decorations of typical Netflix Original Christmas Films with an abundance of curse words, violent clashes and grunts. Featuring memorable performances by a more-gritty-than-you'd-expect Tim Allen as well as a just-as-gritty-as-you'd-expect Kurtwood Smith, El Camino Christmas might not be the most Christmas-y holiday film out there, but it's an okay dark comedy and it sure stands out from the crowd.

12. Holiday Rush (2019)

Like many of these films, Holiday Rush is unapologetically cheesy as hell, but its heart is in the right place. With Netflix mass-producing these films at a hectic pace each December and them having predominantly white casts, it's nice that the African-American community got their own Netflix Origina Christmas Film. You might expect such a film to be a bit "Spike Lee but without all the genius nuances" or "Atlanta (2016-Present) meets Hallmark", but here's the thing - yes. You'd be exactly right with these expectations. It's good fun, but it's once again a bit too plastic to be ranked any higher than this.

11. Single All the Way (2021)

It looks like I've a hit a token representation streak here - if El Camino is the Netflix Xmas flick for the dirtbag community and Holiday Rush for African American culture, then Single All the Way is the go-to LGBTQ+ (but, you know, mainly just the 'G' because mainstream) film from Netflix's catalogue. There are remarkably few decent gay rom-coms out there, as LGBTQ+ films are often divided into either very bad rom-coms or very good cinema that is much too grim and depressing to count as rom- or -com. Therefore, it's nice to catch a movie like Single All the Way, which is by no means any sort of masterpiece, but quite an okay yuletide romantic comedy. It's like most of the Hallmark-esque Xmas films, but with less straight people in it and a slightly more likable and relatable main character than the more generic ones.

10. The Princess Switch: Switched Again (2020)

If you're wondering what the sequel to The Princess Switch is doing this high on my list, ahead of cult classics (emphasis on the word "cult") like Operation Christmas Drop and The Knight Before Christmas, the answer is simple: shenanigans. This film may not have the deepest story, the most intriguing characters or much to say about the world, but it is astonishingly entertaining to watch simply due to its shenanigans. The body-switching hijinks of the first film are taken to a new level when a third look-alike character played by Vanessa Hudgens appears, and the film goes quite far with its delightful moments of mistaken identity confusion.

9. A Christmas Prince (2017)

The gold standard of the Netflix Original Christmas movie genre. If you haven't seen any of these films and are wondering just what the hell I'm talking about, A Christmas Prince is the one film you should watch in order to understand the phenomenon - it really says it all.

For better or for worse, all the clichés are there, from the generic yet heartfelt love story and the strange royal families from fictional countries to the "I'm a busy career woman who is uptight and I just really want to meet a charming literal prince who will teach me the meaning of Christmas" narrative and the closure-filled yet somehow semi-open ending that will guarantee one or two sequels. It's not exactly The Godfather, but it is the Godfather of this particular type of film.

8. The Christmas Chronicles 2 (2020)

The Christmas Chronicles 2 is very goofy but all good fun, with its success and likability being largely reliant on the fact that it does a good job as a sequel to the very awesome first film. It's nice to return to the lovable group of characters from the first film, as time has passed for the kids yet they still fondly remember their magical journey in a Narnia-esque way.

Kurt Russell's Santa Claus is delightful as ever, and we get to see more of Goldie Hawn's Mrs. Claus, who was just a cameo in the first film. The whole Belsnickel-narrative is more than a bit corny, but that doesn't stop the film from having a lot of fun with its setting and characters. Worth watching if you liked the first one!

7. Let It Snow (2019)

As hokey and plastic as Let It Snow is, I can't help but like it. I'm a sucker for rom-coms, and this bunch of mindless fun gives us many adequate, if not mind-blowing, love stories rolled into one interconnected story. Many semi-generic characters, played by attractive C-list actors, cross paths with each other during a Christmas Eve snowstorm, and all of this leads to a series of predictable yet wholesome payoffs in the end. It's very by-the-numbers, but if you simply feel like turning your brain off and watching a feel-good holiday rom-com, Let It Snow will most definitely get the job done. Not great cinema, but it did put a smile on my face, which more than I can say for a lot of these films.

6. The Princess Switch (2018)

While not quite as high on shenanigans as its sequel, the original The Princess Switch is an overall better film - it's not like any of these romps are exactly It's a Wonderful Life, but you get the gist. Vanessa Hudgens is entertaining and lovable in her double role as Stacy De Novo and Lady Margaret - while none of the performances in Netflix Original Christmas Cinema are exactly Oscar-worthy, her acting in this film and its sequels is the most impressive out the bunch. It can't be easy to play two very different characters, who must both pretend to be each other. If you're a fan of mistaken identity -hijinks, I can thoroughly recommend this corny but entertaining flick for your holiday season!

5. Holiday in the Wild (2019)

This otherwise basic and by-the-numbers holiday rom-com is carried by two factors. The first of these elements is the film's touching message about wildlife preservation, and the second is national treasure Rob Lowe being his charismatic self. One of this bizarre subgenre's overall better offerings.

4. Love Hard (2021)

American democracy. The climate. My love life. What do these things have in common?

2021 was not a great year for them.

But, if it's any consolation, 2021 was a surprisingly decent year for Netflix Original Christmas movies. Out of the far-too-many such films that get released each year, 2021's offerings had remarkably less total crap than previous years, and more of the 'surprisingly okay' variety. Especially notable is Love Hard, which exceeded my expectations by actually having a well-written love story, some decent laughs, and a yuletide feeling that didn't feel completely mass-produced. It may not be a Xmas classic for the ages, but it certainly drives home the point that Netflix has started putting at least some thought into these films - Love Hard appears to be written by actual humans, and not the generators that I imagine to have written The Christmas Prince and Christmas Inheritance.

3. Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (2020)

Compared to the lack of authenticity that defines most of these films, Jingle Jangle hits the real Christmas spirit in a way that made my inner child squeal with joy. You'll forget that this family film is a Netflix Original, because it doesn't hit any of the negative clichés - it's not a rom-com, it doesn't star a busy businesswoman from the big city nor does it feature handsome princes from made-up countries, and most importantly: it doesn't share a plot with tens of other similar films.

Featuring memorable performances by Forest Whitaker and Keegan-Michael Key, Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey is a soulful and whimsical adventure that will surely play well with children and serve as nice reminder of some playful yet important values for us grown-ups. Can't go too wrong with this one.

2. The Christmas Chronicles (2018)

The biggest problem with most Netflix Original Christmas Movies is that they feel very generic and plastic, therefore not having that sense of magic that has defined good Christmas cinema from Miracle on 34th Street (1947) to Home Alone (1990) and beyond. The Christmas Chronicles is the much-needed exception to that rule, as it feels much more genuinely magical than you'd expect from a film in this category. Kurt Russell's take on Santa Claus hits just that right balance of unconventional and conventional, feeling like it's "Santa with a twist" but still very much Santa. The main kids are genuine and likable as well, making for one of those rare Netflix Xmas movies that really hit the essence of the holiday instead of feeling like the merchandise around it.

1. Klaus (2019)

It's no surprise that the best Netflix Original Christmas Movie is the one that feels the least like a Netflix Original Christmas Movie. This future classic may have a concept that has sort of been done before - Finland's own Joulutarina (2007) is the real "Santa Claus origin story"! - but Klaus definitely sets itself apart by being original enough. This animated family film features a delightful visual aesthetic, a great voice performance by J.K. Simmons as the titular Klaus, and a powerful-as-hell central lesson for children and adults alike - as is repeated throughout the film, "one true selfless act always sparks another". Words to live by.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week, as I celebrate the end of 2021 by sharing my traditional end-of-the-year list of the year's 10 greatest movies.

Ranking Every Doctor Who Christmas Special

Season's greetings, reader!

As the Yuletide season is upon us, I'm cranking up the Christmas-themed lists. This week, I'm ranking all 14 of the annual Christmas specials that my favorite time-and-space-traveling, ultra-alien-yet-ultra-British, child-friendly-yet-occasionally-creepy-and-frightening, cheesy-and-comical-yet-somehow-extremely-deep, over-50-year-old series Doctor Who (1963-1989; 2005-Present) has done ever since its 2005 revival. I've ranked the episodes based on a combination of two factors: A) how good television it is, and B) how well it works as a Christmas episode. This means that the few ones that were absolute masterpieces of emotional power but sort of forgot that they were supposed to be Christmas-y won't be quite on the top places despite their placement as some of the show's greatest moments, and that the ones that hit the holiday spirit well, but with crappy and lazy storytelling, won't also be in the top tier. I've excluded the two latest New Years' specials, since they have strayed so far from the holiday theme and are Christmas/New Year's specials in name only.

Allons-y!

14. The Return of Doctor Mysterio (2016)

"Things end. That's all. Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again too, and that's...always happy. Be happy. I'll look after everything else"

No Doctor Who Christmas episode is completely bad, as can be witnessed by these brilliant words by the Twelfth Doctor (Peter Capaldi) being the sole saving grace of an otherwise pretty terrible holiday special. While Doctor Who has always drawn some parallels to the superhero genre, with its combination of witty banter and sci-fi shenanigans, it has always set itself apart by focusing more on fun life lessons and less on action and superpowers. Therefore, the show's take on the superhero genre in this episode feels a bit clumsy, and the Christmas setting often seems like an afterthought. Oh well, they can't all be winners.

13. Resolution (2018)

"Humanity will surrender"

"They really won't, trust me. I've seen them in action. They've fought off so many things, including the worst of their own people. They're really stubborn. Have you not worked that out yet?"

Like a few of these entries, Resolution is technically a New Year's Special, but as they've been released in place of Christmas Specials on the years that didn't have a typical Xmas adventure in December, I'm lumping them all together for the purpose of this list.

Resolution was the first holiday special of the Thirteenth Doctor's (Jodie Whittaker) era, and like most episodes from this opinion-splitting set of seasons, the main character is easily the highlight. Chris Chibnall's writing is quite generic and forgettable, but damn, Whittaker does absolutely everything in her power and then some to make the episode watchable and even enjoyable to a degree, with her delightful quips and exquisite delivery of lines reflecting the wonderful quirky optimism that was always a central ingredient of the series.

12. The Runaway Bride (2006)

"Where am I?"

"Inside the TARDIS"

"The what?"

"The TARDIS!"

"The what?"

"The TARDIS!"

"The what?"

"It's called the TARDIS!"

"That's not even a proper word! You're just saying things!"

The Christmas special from between seasons 2 and 3 of the revival is best remembered for being the debut appearance of Donna Noble (Catherine Tate), who would go on to be one of the tenth Doctor's (David Tennant) chief companions. I never was a huge Donna fan, but it's undeniable that her chemistry with Tennant's Doctor character is quite amusing. Their dynamic is the highlight of this otherwise quite cheesy and forgettable Christmas special.

11. The Doctor, The Widow and the Wardrobe (2011)

"A fairy land? Oh, grow up. A fairy land looks completely different"

The Doctor, The Widow and the Wardrobe may not be television gold by production or writing standards, but it's whimsical and warm enough to work as a delightful Christmas special even if it falls a tad flat when judged as an overall episode of Doctor Who. This adventurous episode hooks you in with its Narnia-esque storyline, and the cozy holiday atmosphere will help you get through the more boring and unnecessary parts. Matt Smith is a delight as always, driving home the fact that this episode is solid yuletide background viewing despite its shortcomings!

10. The Next Doctor (2008)

"Jackson, if anyone had to be The Doctor, I'm glad it was you"

We're slowly starting to get to the good stuff here, although this special gains minus points for its bait-and-switch title - it had already been announced that David Tennant was leaving the show, and thus a Christmas special titled The Next Doctor naturally gave fans the expectation that we'd see Tennant's swan song and the introduction of the 11th Doctor. This would not happen, however, until the next Christmas special (more on that later), meaning that this misleading title was just an attempt to reel viewers in.

However, the episode is good enough that one can't stay too mad. David Morrissey is great in his guest role, and his dynamic with the Tenth Doctor is quite unique. The episode might have its annoying parts, but it feels Christmas-y enough to succeed as a holiday special, not to mention that the episode's heartfelt ending makes it into an overall decent episode of the series. Still pissed off about that title, though!

9. Voyage of the Damned (2007)

"Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge, and who the hell are you anyway?"

"I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous. I'm 903 years old and I'm the man who is gonna save your lives and all 6 billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?"

This speech, delivered by the one and only David Tennant, is one of the main reasons that I enjoy this episode despite its less-than-flattering qualities. This mixed bag of a Christmas special is weighed down by the fact that it's riddled with elements of the Russell T. Davies era that I'm not too fond of (the series got a lot better in my opinion once Steven Moffat replaced Davies as showrunner), and pop star Kylie Minogue's guest role as one-time companion Astrid Peth is quite forgettable.

However, there is plenty to enjoy on the Voyage of the Damned: the setting of a spaceship replica of the Titanic (what could go wrong?) is riveting, we're introduced to beloved recurring characters Frame (Russell Tovey) and Wilfred (Bernard Cribbins), and as always, no Doctor Who episode starring the 10th and best Doctor can be completely bad, as David Tennant is a gift from the heavens who can do no wrong. Again, that monologue is so badass!

8. The Time of the Doctor (2013)

"I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember...when the Doctor was me"

The Tenth, Eleventh and Twelfth incarnations of The Doctor have all ended their runs in the title role with a Christmas episode. These three episodes were very hard to insert into the ranking, as they all suffer from the "Great as a TV episode, but not especially successful as a Christmas episode" dilemma to some degree - after all, giving an emotional send-off to a beloved character doesn't exactly scream "Happy holidays!". This is especially evident in Matt Smith's swan song, as the yuletide setting feels like a mere afterthought (a planet called Christmas? Really?).

Still, The Time of the Doctor is such a brilliant episode of Doctor Who that it deserves to be in the list's middle section. The Eleventh Doctor gets the sendoff he deserves, in a tour-de-force performance by Smith ranging from the flimsy and quirky moments that made us fall in love with his take on the character to the dramatic and explosive monologues that gave the actor such critical acclaim for his time as the Doctor. The episode's final moments, where we're introduced to the Twelfth Doctor (Peter Capaldi) in a delightfully chaotic manner, will help you wipe away the tears and embrace the next chapter of the series.

7. The Snowmen (2012)

"It's smaller on the outside"

"Okay, that is a first"

If Voyage of the Damned reflected the reasons why I'm not the biggest fan of the era where Russell T. Davies was the showrunner, then The Snowmen does the opposite by reflecting why I love the Steven Moffat era so much. The concept of the episode isn't exactly mind-blowing, but the overall magical silly-yet-weirdly-dramatic-and-epic atmosphere of the Moffat era makes The Snowmen much better than it ought to be.

While the episode's main selling point is the aforementioned atmosphere (it manages to feel very Christmas-appropriate even with the melancholic Victorian color scheme and the spooky horror-ish elements!), there are other things to like as well - the least of which isn't the guest role of Sir Ian McKellen, one of my all-time favorite actors, as the voice of the Great Intelligence. I'm starting to doubt if there are any famous British actors who haven't guest starred in Doctor Who at some point or another.

6. Last Christmas (2014)

"How do you get all the presents in the sleigh?"

"It's bigger on the inside"

Peter Capaldi's first Christmas special as the Doctor is awesome, although I must once again give slight minus points for a misleading episode title - there were no references to WHAM's Last Christmas in this episode. I mean, come on, the opportunity for the double-hearted time lord to say "Last Christmas, I gave you my hearts" was right there.

Other than that, the 2014 Xmas special is an absolute delight. I love the fact that Santa Claus is an existing entity in the Doctor Who universe, because of course he is - and out of all people, Nick Frost was pretty much the best possible casting choice. The episode does a great job balancing the elements that make it into a decent Christmas episode (Santa Claus, the magical ending) and the elements that make into overall good and not over-goofy television (The The Thing (1982) vibes in the 'trapped by scary aliens on an arctic base' narrative are quite creepy), making Last Christmas into a very appropriate yuletide special for the Capaldi era.

5. The End of Time (2009)

"I don't want to go"

David Tennant's final line in the role of the Doctor, which was apparently shot many consecutive times with escalating emotional intensity until they reached perfection, may be the best delivery of a line I've seen from any actor. While the two-parter The End of Time is the darkest of this bunch and occasionally forgets that it's a Christmas special (well, Part 1 is a Christmas special and Part 2 a New Years' special, but I'm counting them as whole here), it's such a masterclass in good television that I couldn't have it outside my top five. If a snowy Christmas setting and occasional holiday music are enough to make an episode into good Christmas viewing for your taste, then might as well watch an episode that is absolute television dynamite beyond its Xmas setting, right?

I reckon I've made it pretty clear that Tennant is my favorite out of all the Doctors, and his final episode is an emotionally loaded swan song. He goes up against old nemesis The Master (John Simm), after which we see him say his prolonged goodbyes to the various companions and friends he had over his tenure as The Doctor, as Murray Gold's extremely sentimental composition Vale Decem rocks the soundtrack. For an actor that made the role his own like no other, it's fitting that Tennant's final moments as the Doctor are a regeneration of unforeseen emotional power, from the dramatic final line to the fact that he bursts into flames nearly destroying the TARDIS in the process, to the backdrop of equally bombastic music. Tears.

4. The Husbands of River Song (2015)

"How do you know me?"

"Well, it's a tiny bit complicated. People usually need a flowchart"

I'm so glad that the lovable, well-written recurring character River Song (Alex Kingston) returned for one last time in the Capaldi era. It's great to see her interacting with the Twelfth Doctor, and the episode's ending will tug at your heartstrings.

Beyond the episode's emotional importance as the final chapter of the River saga, it's also a damn fine Christmas episode, with its light and zany overall feel. Christmas Day is celebrated on a remote human colony in space, including shenanigans from robot bodyguards and comedy antlers all the way to Matt Lucas's beloved character Nardole having a nice supporting role and Greg Davies being wonderfully over-the-top as a villain called King Hydroflax. It's all pretty great.

3. Twice Upon a Time (2017)

"I've got a few things to say to you. Basic stuff first: Never be cruel, never be cowardly, and never ever eat pears! Remember, hate is always foolish, but love is always wise. Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind"

Out of the three Christmas specials that have done double duty as regeneration episodes, Peter Capaldi's final episode Twice Upon a Time is easily the most Christmas-y. In addition to it being the Twelfth Doctor's swan song, this was also Steven Moffat's final episode as showrunner, and the magical writer pulled off one last trick: he finally cracked the code of how to make such an episode into a proper Christmas special while also feeling like an appropriately emotional goodbye to this version of the Doctor.

The whole ordeal is very bittersweet. The 'death' of Capaldi's character is imminent, but a whole lot of fun is had before we get there, as he goes on an adventure with the First Doctor (played here by David Bradley, who channels William Hartnell's original take on the character brilliantly). For those who haven't seen the episode, or maybe want to re-watch it and don't remember every twist, I won't spoil just what is done with the episode's historical setting, but they chose the best possible moment from history to be the setting for Twelve's last stand. It feels Christmas-appropriate to the maximum, while also moving fans such as myself to tears as the context is so powerful and so fitting for this particular version of the character.

The final moments of this episode will also go down in history, as we're introduced the Thirteenth Doctor - played by Jodie Whittaker, the first woman to grace the role!

2. A Christmas Carol (2010)

"Who's she?"

"Nobody important"

"Nobody important? Blimey, that's amazing. You know that in nine hundred years of time and space travel I've never met anybody who wasn't important"

Being a time travel series that does annual Christmas specials, it was only a matter of time that Doctor Who would do their own take on Dickens's Christmas Carol - after all, what better way to show an old Scrooge-like figure their ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, than actually using the TARDIS to take him to see his past, present and future first-hand?

A Christmas Carol is a delightful Christmas special, with a powerful lesson and some whimsical moments of holiday shenanigans. Michael Gambon's guest role is brilliant, Matt Smith is wonderful as ever, and the episode's central love story will melt your heart. Classic yuletide viewing!

1. The Christmas Invasion (2005)

"Look at these people, these human beings. Consider their potential! From the day they arrive on the planet, blinking, step into the sun, there is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than...no, hold on. Sorry, that's The Lion King"

The very first Christmas special, released between the first and second seasons of the revival, is nothing short of a holiday masterpiece. Not only is it spectacular as a Christmas episode, with its upbeat soundtrack, silly Xmas aesthetic and beautiful ending scene of the Doctor and Rose (Billie Piper) standing in the snow - it's also a fantastic overall episode of Doctor Who while rocking the Christmas atmosphere.

You see, this was David Tennant's first full episode in the role - the previous episode, season 1 finale The Parting of the Ways, had ended with the Ninth Doctor's (Christopher Eccleston) regeneration into his tenth form. For the first two thirds of The Christmas Invasion, the new Doctor is only teased, as he's in a coma and we don't see him hardly at all. You know, the classic Jaws (1975) trick of making the viewer wait for the thing they most want to see.

Then, after the smell of tea brings the Doctor back to consciousness (yes, Doctor Who is about as British as Queen Elizabeth sipping tea with Dame Judi Dench on the set of Downton Abbey), Tennant makes an all-time great entrance that immediately solidified his position as my all-time favorite version of the Doctor. He absolutely steals the show, as the final third of the episode consists largely of a loose monologue, with the Tenth Doctor babbling off on a thousand different topics in a chaotic and quirky manner while defeating the villainous Sycorax in the process. Probably my favorite debut of a new character in anything ever.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week's Thursday (Christmas Eve's Eve!) for one of the most ambitious posts in the history of my blog, which was also the most painful one to make all the groundwork for (yes, even worse than last week's Bible post). You see - and I'm not really proud of this - I've now watched the Netflix Original Christmas movies. "Which ones, Veikko?". Well, ahem - all of them. All of the Netflix Original Christmas movies. I watched every single one. Next week, you'll see my ranking of this, um, compelling group of films.

So, I read the entire Bible. No, really. Here is my ranking of its books.

Peace be with you, readers!

So, I recently finished a bizarre project I started a long time ago with a friend of mine. Well, at least it was bizarre according to my friends and family, but in my defense - what's so weird about reading the ultimate all-time best-seller?

Yep, I read the entire Holy Bible. Start to finish. Old Testament and New. My reasoning for such a project was many-sided: approximately 40% historical intrigue, 30% finding profound life lessons, 20% street credit when being able to quote scripture and 10% finding counter-arguments against people who use religion as an excuse to spread hatred (looking at you, homophobes). Now that I'm all done, I'll share some of the insights that the Good Book has brought to my mind, by ranking all sixty-six books of the Bible.

DISCLAIMER: In keeping with my own worldview, this post definitely criticizes many aspects of the Bible and Christianity in addition to showing respect to many parts of the faith. I also write about these things with my typical comedic touch, not as a means to belittle aspects of faith that many hold dear, but rather to express my opinions and findings in a way true to myself. Therefore, if you're a Christian who is very serious about their faith, this post might not be the best thing for you to read - I hope not to offend anyone's sensitivities with what I've written.

Also, uh, spoiler alert if you haven't read the Bible yourself and aren't aware of how it all plays out.

66. Leviticus (Old Testament)

The Bible got off to a surprisingly intriguing start with the first two Books of Moses, but then hit a snag with the latter instalments of the Torah section being significantly less interesting. The height of this boredom can be found from Leviticus, which goes on and on about painfully specific rules on how to build a proper Tabernacle or whatever. Also, minus points for including the infamous "You shall not lie with another male" line that a lot of people seem to view as the most important sentence in the Bible. I assume that these people never cut their hair and that they happily murder anyone from a different religion, as taking every word of the 2000-year-old book literally is so damn important to them?

65. Numbers (Old Testament)

Just like the Third Book of Moses described above, the Fourth Book of the same saga continues its dull tirade of specific laws and outdated rules, with the actual story of Moses kept on long pause and any actually profound lessons being woefully absent.

64. Zephaniah (Old Testament)

Towards the tail end of the Old Testament, there are numerous books of "Minor Prophets" that are quite short and to the point. However, many of them lean very heavily into the "You will all feel the fury and wrath of our God as we must cower in fear of Him or else our children will be brutally slaughtered in front of us" side of things, and such is the case with the Book of Zephaniah.

63. Amos (Old Testament)

Very similar to the Book of Zephaniah, this is one of those instances where the Old Testament God feels like a Marvel villain - as in there is some vague sense of justice and morals, but it is twisted to the point where this powerful being believes in murdering tons of innocent souls in order to achieve a "greater good". The Old Testament is a dark place at times.

62. Nahum (Old Testament)

This Book of Prophecy is just as brutal as the rest, and it is also strangely specific to the city of Nineveh in Assyria, detailing what horrors that city in particular deserves. The Book of Nahum takes a semi-interesting look at the geo-political landscape of the time, but other than that, falls into the more merciless and fucked-up side of things (it should be noted that I don't mean to offend more serious Christians and as you will see further up the list, I have a great deal of respect for much of the Bible's teachings - I just think we should take an honest and reflective look at how many of the Bible's worldviews don't hold up today and are quite scary when considering that there are people who take it all word-for-word).

61. Joel (Old Testament)

Another minor prophet book so full of blind fire and fury that you'll begin to wonder how okay it is that this work of literature is more or less the foundation of western civilization. At least this book also discusses hope and redemption, albeit insisting that it can only happen after destruction has reigned upon the non-believers.

60. Obadiah (Old Testament)

One Minor Prophet Book among the rest, not really sticking out for better or for worse. For all their faults, these books are at least quite the page-turners with their fast-paced narratives and short lengths.

59. I Timothy (New Testament)

And so we arrive at the worst book of the overall better Testament - the first Epistle to Timothy is mainly my least favorite out of the bunch because it feels like it's pulled straight out of the Old Testament. Overall, the New Testament was a breath of fresh air compared to the Old as it focused much more on positive teachings of love and acceptance, but it still has its share of "Jeez, this thing really was written 2000 years ago" reminders. Chief among them is this epistle, full of reminders that men who sleep with men will be sent to hell and that a woman's place is to quietly stand by their man. Oh dear.

58. Haggai (Old Testament)

The grand tradition of Bible books about building various temples continues in this short book, truly making one realize what a huge deal temples were back then.

57. Hosea (Old Testament)

While the Book of Hosea does share many of the problems common with the prophet books, it at least makes for thought-provoking literature to some degree once you realize that Hosea's relationship with an unfaithful woman is a metaphor for God's relationship with the people of Israel. Not exactly mind-blowing or mega-poignant, but an interesting comparison at least.

56. II Chronicles (Old Testament)

The Second Book of Chronicles is much like the first (more on that in the entry below), but more detailed and therefore less of a page-turner (it's not like either of them is exactly The Lord of the Rings, but you get my point).

55. I Chronicles (Old Testament)

Essentially the "Previously on" segment of the Bible, the First Book of Chronicles is a recap of all the wacky hijinks that has happened so far - at least that's the fun way of looking at it, while a slightly more accurate description might be "a more historical and objective account of the genealogy and major events in the Torah and early historical books of the Bible". Either way, it's an intriguing concept but the ridiculously long family trees weigh the end result down.

54. Micah (Old Testament)

The Book of Micah is one of the better Minor Prophet books, mainly due to its mentions of a certain Messiah who would one day help restore balance. I always appreciated the references to Christ in the Old Testament, as such moments have quite an epic and hope-inducing feel to them, making the Books of Prophecy worthy of the title.

53. Nehemiah (Old Testament)

The Book of Nehemiah follows the re-building of Jerusalem's walls, after the people of Judah were freed from exile in Babylonia. There isn't any particularly memorable storytelling or any striking life lessons, but it's a thoroughly solid continuation of the geopolitical history in the Old Testament.

52. Ezra (Old Testament)

Ezra is a fairly uncommon name, which means that I constantly envisioned actor Ezra Miller playing the role of Ezra the Scribe while I read the Book of Ezra. This made the reading experience much more entertaining, which was needed as this is otherwise quite an average Old Testament book - at least it contains the payoff of the Babylonian Exile coming to an end, though!

51. James (New Testament)

The Epistle of James is all right, but it has a bit too much of the whole "You must not enjoy your time on Earth because Heaven is waiting" doctrine that I don't really subscribe to. The most intriguing aspect about this epistle is definitely the fact that it was allegedly written by James, the brother of Jesus Christ. This really blew my mind when reading up on the backstories of these books.

50. Philippians (New Testament)

This is one of the many epistles that Paul the Apostle wrote while being imprisoned, trying to reach out to multiple different peoples with the message of Christ. It's easy for a modern globalist such as myself to point out that the idea of needing everyone to convert to the same one true religion is quite screwed up, but if you try and relate to the author's situation, it is quite touching that he tried his best to get his message of salvation across to as many people as he could.

49. Titus (New Testament)

This epistle was written by Paul to one of this chief followers, Titus. It contains a bunch of advise, some of which is dull and uninspired while other parts have some real wisdom to them.

48. Habakkuk (Old Testament)

Another stand-out from the Minor Prophets, the Book of Habakkuk tells its story in a memorable fashion as the narrative is framed as a dialogue between God and the Prophet Habakkuk. This discourse even gets into the more philosophical side of the Bible, as they discuss what really is right and what is wrong, beyond what the law might say.

47. III John (New Testament)

I tried my best not to give any extra points to the Third Epistle of John for the fact that it's the shortest book in the Bible - this wasn't easy to do, because at this point I had spent over 9 months reading this behemoth, and coming across a book you can finish in two minutes was quite a relief. Substance-wise, this short and sweet epistle continues the themes of the two previous books while not bringing anything especially new to the table.

46. II John (New Testament)

The Second Epistle of John is an epistle written by John - no, not John the baptist - no, also not the John who wrote the Book of Revelation - yes, possibly the same John who wrote the Gospel of John although this has been disputed. Listen, I really should have gotten a degree in theology in order to really understand much anything from this convoluted mess that some people call the Greatest Story Ever Told (I reckon they've never seen Star Wars).

45. Isiah (Old Testament)

At its best, the Book of Isiah (which is the first Book of Prophecy) is quite epic, as we get a whole new kind of Biblical narrative and some groundwork for the New Testament (an upcoming Messiah who will "bear the sins of the many" is prophesized about). However, the Book of Isiah is way longer than it needs to be, thus feeling like quite a chore to get through despite its interesting parts.

44. Jeremiah (Old Testament)

Much like Isiah, the Book of Jeremiah is also a Major Prophet book that has its moments but goes on for way too long. It barely edges out its counterpart due to Jeremiah 4:21 being one of the Old Testament's more memorable passages: "How long must I see the battle standard and hear the sound of the trumpet?"

43. II Timothy (New Testament)

Much like Terminator II: Judgement Day (1991) and The Dark Knight (2008), the Second Epistle to Timothy is one of those rare cases where the sequel is far better than the original. This is largely due to the torch-passing nature of the book, as the author Paul recognizes that he doesn't have many years left, and this letter is his attempt to pass his wisdom onto his follower Timothy.

42. II Corinthians (New Testament)

Much like Iron Man 2 (2010) and The Matrix Reloaded (2003), the Second Epistle to the Corinthians is one of those classic cases where the sequel is far lesser than the original. Far less profound and more focused on specific details than the brilliant First Epistle to the Corinthians, this book follows the themes of its predecessor but fails to live in the same spirit.

41. Romans (New Testament)

The first of the many Epistles written by Paul the Apostle, this book is interesting enough to read as it is the first of its kind and thus a breath of fresh air when getting through the Bible in order (I recognize that the way I read the Good Book isn't exactly how it was intended to be read). Still, I have to give the Epistle to Romans some minus points as it is one of the more fundamentalist books in the New Testament, really zeroing in on just how wrong and sinful all non-Christians apparently are. You know, having read all of the Pauline Epistles in rapid succession, I'm pretty sure that the old man softened up with age - the later instalments of this portion in the Bible are much less judgemental and more tolerant.

40. I John (New Testament)

We're slowly starting to get to the good stuff here! The first Epistle of John represents just the side of the Bible (and the New Testament in particular) that I really find myself agreeing with, as it focuses more on positive lessons about love and acceptance than it does on judgement and fear-mongering.

39. Jude (New Testament)

The final Epistle and the second-last book of the entire Bible, this book feels like a summary of all the epistles that came before it, repeating many of the New Testament's central lessons to ensure that they'll stick in the head of any dork who has decided to read his way through the whole thing.

38. Lamentations (Old Testament)

It is a refreshing change of pace to read a collection of lyrical poetry in the midst of the Books of Prophecy, sort of like a throwback to the Book of Psalms. Not one of the more philosophical or narratively interesting books in the Bible, but a well-written collection of songs lamenting the fall of Jerusalem.

37. Philemon (New Testament)

The final Epistle written by Paul, before the New Testament moved on to the general Catholic Epistles, is short and a bit cryptic but an overall fitting ending to one of the Bible's most prolific contributors. It even seems to have a remarkable anti-slavery message, if I interpreted it correctly, which is quite something for a text from that particular era.

36. Colossians (New Testament)

There are some unfortunate parts in the Epistle to the Colossians (the Bible really contains a lot of teachings about women being the property of men - I shudder to think about just how much the presence of such messages in a still ever-popular book of faith has contributed to the fact that our society still is woefully unfair towards women). But it isn't among the most extreme instances of such material in the Bible or even the New Testament, and it also has some really nice teachings of people being kind to each other and 'walking in Christ' (I never entirely understood what this meant, but it sounds profound).

35. Ephesians (New Testament)

One of the very few books in the Bible to actually say something about that ever-famous 'God's plan', which is usually just left completely unexplained and up for the priests to interpret. In addition to the little explaining that this Epistle does to balance out the cryptic nature of most biblical books, it also features some nice thoughts on grace, peace and the notion of life after death.

34. II Peter (New Testament)

Both Books of Peter hit the more wholesome side of the New Testament, featuring delightful thoughts on love and trust. The second book is a bit repetitive after the first, not bringing terribly much new material to the table. Again, I'm painfully aware that I'm reviewing these books as if they were chapters of a novel, even though the Bible very much shouldn't be reviewed like that.

33. Judges (Old Testament)

Quite early on in the Old Testament, between the Books of Moses and the Age of Kings, there was an era when various judges ruled Israel, and this book is an account of those times. A highlight is the story of the warrior Simson, which is quite the classic.

32. II Thessalonians (New Testament)

The Second Epistle to the Thessalonians reads like an appendix to the first one, continuing on the same themes of faith, hope and love, while adding some new perspectives. It's not mind-blowing, but it's quite nice.

31. I Peter (New Testament)

The first Epistle of Peter features some powerful thoughts about the dangers of persecution - sure, it's more than a bit ironic to read this from a book of the "tons of people have been killed in this book's name" variety, but that doesn't stop lessons such at this from being good lessons if people just listened and were less violent in their interpretations.

30. Ruth (Old Testament)

One of the shortest books in the Bible, the Book of Ruth feels like a prologue to the Age of Kings or maybe like the post-credit scene at the end of a Marvel movie that teases the next film's events. We follow one of the more strong female characters in the Bible, as her journey lays the groundwork for the era to come, as the book ends with the birth of David (later to be known as King David).

29. Galatians (New Testament)

The Epistle to the Galatians features some thought-provoking philosophy regarding the law. The central theme seems to be that what one knows to be right is more important than the literal following of the old law, as laws can be flawed (I was quite surprised to find such ponderings in the Bible out of all places). This makes the Epistle feel quite relevant in a modern context, much more so than most biblical texts.

28. Malachi (Old Testament)

The final book of the Old Testament is quite the season finale. It begins with a typical Minor Prophet tirade of all the sinners getting what they deserve in a brutal fashion, but towards the end it gets quite epic with Malachi's promise of an upcoming Messiah who will be sent to restore balance. A fitting end for the Old Testament, and a neat bridge into the New.

27. Jonah (Old Testament)

The story of Jonah is compact, compelling and layered. The Book of Jonah follows the Prophet as he runs away from God, is punished in unique fashion, and then finds redemption (which is extremely rare in the Old Testament).

26. Esther (Old Testament)

When starting this project, I didn't have the faintest idea that the Bible would feature stuff like the Book of Esther - this delightfully different book strays course from the usual Old Testament style of writing, and delivers what feels like a traditional heroic tale. Interesting characters, Tolkien-esque elements and exciting moments (at least by Biblical standards - as eye-opening as reading the whole thing was, it isn't exactly riveting) ensue.

25. Hebrews (New Testament)

I don't agree with much of the philosophy in the Epistle to the Hebrews, nor did I find any profound life lessons from it, but it is ranked highly simply because it is so damn fascinating in a historical and cultural manner. The Epistle sheds light on the divides and unifications between Judaism and Christianity, as an unknown author tries to persuade the Jewish people to accept the teachings of Christ into their belief system. One of my main reasons for reading the Bible was its historical and cultural intrigue, and this aspect hit an all-time high when reading about this loaded but compelling culture clash.

24. Daniel (Old Testament)

One of the high points in the Books of Prophecy was this final instalment of the "Major Prophet" books. The story of Daniel's rise in the ranks of Babylonia and Persia is quite intriguing, and the part where he is sent into a den of lions and survives there for three days is quite a powerful tale of faith.

23. Deuteronomy (Old Testament)

The final Book of Moses was one of the toughest books to rank, as it is a very mixed bag. The first half of it is the same yawn-inducing rule-mongering that caused the Third and Fourth Books of Moses to be at the tail end of my list, but Deuteronomy gained my respect by becoming downright epic towards the end. Moses's final song and subsequent death (uh, spoiler alert) is touching, and closing the story of the Torah while laying the setting for the rest of the Old Testament by having Moses's people finally arrive in the Promised Land feels strangely glorious.

22. Ezekiel (Old Testament)

An otherwise average Book of Prophecy, lifted to greatness by the fact that it includes the passage famously used in Pulp Fiction (1994). I'd be lying if I said that I didn't read the entire book of Ezekiel with Samuel L. Jackson's voice in my head.

21. Song of Songs (Old Testament)

I certainly didn't expect the Bible to be this Fifty Shades of Grey at any point. The Song of Songs, also known as the Song of Solomon, is a strange and honestly quite wonderful celebration of love and passion. Quite wild and even erotic for biblical standards, this book is thoroughly unexpected but quite beautiful by the end.

20. Joshua (Old Testament)

The first post-Torah book opens with an immensely fascinating follow-up to Deuteronomy, as Joshua leads the people into the Promised Land. The intrigue and battle tactics of the Book of Joshua make for a great read, albeit a dark one when considering the implications - the book gets all glorious when discussing the killing of non-believers, not to mention that certain religions dedicating the same areas as their "Promised Land" continues to have horrendous effects to this very day.

19. II Kings (Old Testament)

The Second Book of Kings isn't quite as profound as the original, but it's still a dramatic and powerful read. The book accounts the various wars and sins of the kingdoms of Jerusalem and Judah. The Bible's portrayal of the infamous Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar as a servant of God, sent to punish the people of God's own kingdoms for turning their back on their faith, is extremely dark but quite a fascinating take on history.

18. I Samuel (Old Testament)

The First Book of Samuel breaks some interesting new ground in the Old Testament, introducing major players like God's chosen wise-man Samuel, Israel's first king and intriguing anti-hero Saul, and legendary King David. The book is especially memorable for featuring the story of David and Goliath - a true "David and Goliath" -type underdog story if I ever saw one.

17. I Thessalonians (New Testament)

"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else" (1 Thessalonians 5:15). That's damn right. This is the side of the Bible that I found myself actually enjoying, more than one might have expected.

16. Acts (New Testament)

Continuing with my crummy movie references, this is the Jurassic World (2015) or Ocean's Eight (2018) to the Four Gospels that chronicle the story of Jesus Christ - the Book of Acts is somewhere between a sequel and a spin-off, as it were, for it continues the same story but with different main characters while retaining some cool connections. Paul the Apostle's origin story and tale of redemption is quite iconic as well.

15. I Kings (Old Testament)

The First Book of Kings is one of the honestly few books in the Old Testament to have some real wisdom to it - most of the "actually great stuff concerning morals and justice" material in the Bible is reserved for the New Testament. But this book is all about King Solomon the Wise, and while some of his thoughts are very much tied to the time of its writing, others have stood the test of time and feel profound to this day.

14. The Gospel of John (New Testament)

Out of the Four Gospels that kick off the New Testament, I easily find John's account to be the least interesting. It still makes it to 14th place in my ranking, because all of the Gospels were a fascinating read - the story of Jesus himself is obviously a highlight when reading the Bible. While there is plenty to enjoy in the Gospel of John, it does pale in comparison to its counterparts as it focuses on the less interesting aspects of his life (instead of focusing on his actual philosophy and teachings, John's Gospel is largely about describing Jesus's various miracles and super powers, in an attempt to persuade people about just how magical the dude was).

13. Exodus (Old Testament)

There may not be all that much to learn in the Second Book of Moses, apart from the ever-famous Ten Commandments (reading this book really helped me stop coveting my neighbor's livestock). But, when you look at the Bible from a book-readers point of view (again, this is supposed to be 'the greatest story ever told'), hardly any other part of the Good Book is as much of a page-turner as this. From the poetic story of Moses's origin and his vision from the burning bush, through the Ten Plagues and the release from slavery, all the way to the parting of the Red Sea and the receiving of the Ten Commandments, Exodus sure is more riveting than a majority of the Bible's material.

12. II Samuel (Old Testament)

"Abner called out to Joab, 'Must the sword devour forever? Don't you realize that this will end in bitterness? How long before you order your men to stop pursuing their fellow Israelites?" (2. Sam. 2:26)

For my pacifist worldview, that passage hit hard. Again, I'm very much aware that such a quote would be less ironic in a book that had caused a fewer crusades, but still. All in all, the Second Book of Samuel is a dramatic tale, with historical intrigue and words of wisdom making it my #1 favorite in the "Historical Books" portion of the Old Testament.

11. I Corinthians (New Testament)

Easily my favorite out of the many, many Epistles in the New Testament. The whole thing about faith, hope and love remaining (and love being the greatest of them) might feel like quite a cliché if you've ever set foot in a church, but it's one of the more well-known passages of the Bible for a reason. It still rings true today, and I must admit that after reading thousands of pages filled with fundamentalism, sexism and family trees that go on forever, reading such sweet words brought a big old smile on my face. It's nice when the Bible is wholesome.

10. Zechariah (Old Testament)

Time jumps. Cryptic dialogue. An ambiguous ending. Metaphors that are hard to decipher. Descriptions of dream-like visions ranging from men riding colored horses into strange valleys and the high priest Joshua making a return from beyond the grave to a flying scroll and a small woman in a pot. Simply put, I never expected the Bible to get so...Lynchian.

9. Psalms (Old Testament)

I'm a musician and a poet, so I suppose it makes sense that I enjoy the book that consists of various hymnal lyrics. This book also marked the most concrete example of this Bible-reading project being beneficial in my life, as I found a perfect passage from Psalm 45 ("A wedding song for a King") to quote in my Best Man's speech at my best friend's wedding last summer - he comes from a very religious family and his dad is a priest, so I felt pretty good about myself when quoting scripture like a boss at that particular event.

8. The Gospel of Mark (New Testament)

The Gospel of Mark is the shortest out the quartet, and a nice and compact look at Jesus's life and teachings. It skips the legendary birth tale and the Messiah's childhood, instead fast-forwarding straight to his baptism by John the Baptist. Due to the book's compact nature, the Gospel of Mark doesn't quite reach the same level of depth as my two favorite Gospels, but it still has plenty of compelling viewpoints and words of wisdom to offer.

7. Genesis (Old Testament)

Where it all began. The very first book of the Old Testament packs a lot of iconic material into its length - I'd say that about half the stuff that I knew about the Old Testament beforehand, due to what I remember from religion class in school as well as pop culture, comes from this one book. You got your creation of the world, your Adam and Eve, your Cain and Abel, your Noah's Ark, you Tower of Babel and your Patriarchs, all told in a compact manner. The high point of Genesis for me was the story of Joseph (the OG Joseph, not to be confused with the more well-known Joseph from the New Testament), as it is possibly the most gripping and poetic character tale that the entire Bible had to offer.

6. Job (Old Testament)

I don't entirely agree with the main lesson of the Book of Job - it was, in fact, ruined for me at an early age by South Park (1997-Present) out of all things, as the Season 5 episode Cartmanland does a pretty good job of debunking the moral of this story.

It still makes it to sixth place in my ranking, largely due to the dramatic nature of the story, its poetic language, and its narrative structure. You can't help but relate to the main character, who is so layered and humanized when compared to most of the major players in the Bible, thus making it gripping to read as he slowly loses everything he loves in life. The dramatic conversations he has with his friends make for a fascinating look at a religious man starting to lose faith and question his worldviews, making this into one of the more deep and hard-hitting books in the Bible. The story is also told in a very intriguing narrative frame, as we witness actual conversations between God and Satan taking place in their own realms. So, even though the actual moral of the story falls a bit flat, the Book of Job was still an immense page-turner and one of the most interesting reads in the Old Testament.

5. The Gospel of Matthew (New Testament)

The first book of the New Testament tells the story of Jesus Christ, from birth and life to death and resurrection, and it's quite something. The difference between testaments old and new is striking, as we're introduced to a more evolved God who feels less like a Marvel villain and more like a benevolent and merciful being, someone you might actually want to love and believe in instead of being motivated by fear and violence. The Gospel of Matthew may be 2000 years old and therefore poorly aged at parts, but when compared to the Old Testament, it's woke as hell.

4. Proverbs (Old Testament)

The Book of Proverbs is essentially a long litany of catchy sayings, having to do with life and death and God and humanity and everything in between. Naturally, some old the sayings are unfortunate products of their time that make one shake their head at people who still choose to take the Bible literally in the modern world, but I found most of the proverbs to be surprisingly delightful. Many of the Bible's greatest wisdoms can be found here - "Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones" (Prov. 16:24), "Can a man walk on hot coals, without his feet being scorched?" (Prov. 6:28) and "Those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin on themselves" (Prov. 11:17) are just a few choice examples.

3. The Gospel of Luke (New Testament)

Picking your favorite Gospel is like picking your favorite Beatle - all four bring their own unique touch to the mix, so it's hard to compare them. But, gun to my head, my favorite one has to barely be the Gospel of Luke. It focuses on the parts of Christianity that most strike a tone with me - the teachings of grace and redemption, of looking out for the less fortunate members of society, of peace and harmony and love. Many classic stories that are classics for a damn good reason, such as the Good Samaritan and the Prodigal Son, are featured only in this account of Jesus's life and teachings.

2. Revelation (New Testament)

Now, you need to understand that I read the Bible while being a) not quite as passionate about Christianity as most people who read the entire thing, and b) very much a literary enthusiast. The Book of Revelation is damn good literature. The dramatic language, as John describes the apocalyptic vision he saw, is colorful and epic in scope. Ending the New Testament (and thus the entire Bible) on such a strange note, with a detailed vision on how the rapture will happen according to the narrator, is a striking and powerful way to bring the entire thing to a close. Not the most conventional ending, but certainly a bombastic one, and one that will leave some impressive cataclysmic imagery in your head.

1. Ecclesiastes (Old Testament)

While there is a lot of philosophy in the Bible - after all, that's what religion really is - I found 95% of it all to be unfortunately narrow-minded in its strange own way. Of course, this can be attributed to the worldviews of the time when it was written, but that doesn't stop it from being a down-weighing factor when a modern person such as myself reads the whole thing through, hoping to find mind-blowing bits of wisdom. The Bible certainly does have its share of those, but for a book all about finding new perspectives on life and finding larger meanings to the world, nearly all of the Bible's teaching end up fitting into a very narrow moral and philosophical spectrum.

And that's why the Book of Ecclesiastes is the ultimate breath of fresh air - it doesn't fit into that spectrum, but rather inserts a whole new way of looking at things into the mix.

Mind you, the Book of Ecclesiastes isn't even all that close to my own worldview; I'm an idealist, and nowhere near as nihilistic as the fabled narrator of this book. But I have a huge appreciation for just how open-minded this narrator is, as he looks at the world through a complicated lens that doesn't seem to fit in with many of the Bible's teachings, while still feeling Christian enough to earn its place in the Bible. For those not familiar, Ecclesiastes follows the thoughts and ramblings of an unnamed narrator, introduced as the son of King David. It is unclear whether he was a literal or metaphorical son, or how real/fictional this person really was - apparently one theory is that the book was written by Solomon himself at his old age. I'm absolutely obsessed with this viewpoint, as it's so fascinating to picture such a conventional figure of Christianity reaching such complex and barrier-breaking wisdoms with age.

There are many brilliant passages that I could use to illustrate just how wise the Book of Ecclesiastes is, but I reckon the one I'll go with is Ecc. 11:9: "Rejoice, o young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgement". Christianity aside, if you view the 'God' in question as a higher power or value befitting your own worldview, this is damn good advise for anyone: we're allowed and even encouraged to enjoy the days of our youth, but we're still urged to remember that actions have consequences and that the pursuit of pleasure in life doesn't justify dumb or harmful actions. I also just like that the Bible features this sort of passage that delightfully contradicts the whole "You're not allowed to enjoy your life on Earth simply because Heaven is waiting! Sit here and suffer!" shtick that the New Testament is woefully full of.

So, there you have it. While parts of the Bible were a chore to get through, I do not regret this project - I got a lot out of it, whether it was the historical intrigue of the Epistle to the Hebrews, the literary enjoyment of Revelation, or the wisdom found from Ecclesiastes. As for the parts I didn't like, well, it just might have been worth it if only for the fact that I now have a better knowledge of the downsides to this belief system as well as the upsides, and I had a great time ranting about the book's less-than-delightful aspects in this post.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week, as I celebrate the ever-nearing Christmas season by ranking all 16 Christmas Specials that Doctor Who (1963-1989; 2005-Present) has annually released ever since its 2005 revival.