Top 15 best book-to-movie adaptations

Greetings, reader!

My friend Inari recently suggested this: a list of the worst book-to-film adaptations (which I did last week), and a list of the best ones. Here are some of the groundrules for how this double list works:

1. These are ranked based on how good they are as adaptations, and not as overall movies. Of course, this is often a gray area - being a good adaptation is about more than 100-percent plot loyalty, so this week's list does feature some films where quite a lot has been changed - as long as the changes are well-reasoned and in the spirit of the book. Similarly, last week's list had some instances where the film is actually very good overall, but still a poor adaptation.

2. It should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: I've had to have read the book in order for the movie to qualify. There are many great films that I've seen that I know to be based on a book, and with many of them I've heard that they're loyal to the source material - but I can't be the judge of that unless the book is familiar to me.

3. Movies based on plays do generally qualify, especially if it's an older play so that they're clearly adapting the text, much like you'd do with a book adaptation, and not a whole live stage production. Musicals are a gray area, but I ended up excluding them, because movies based on Broadway musicals are never just adaptations of the text but also of the visual side of the stage production. Movies like 2012's Les Miserables, that are based on stage musicals that are based on books, were a grey area, but I ended up excluding them as well.

4. There are plenty of great TV shows based on books, but I decided to limit these lists to movies. Maybe I'll make a separate list of the worst and best book-to-television adaptations some day!

5. When a whole movie series is based on a book or a series of books, it can qualify as the whole series or as individual part depending on how my opinion of the adaptations fits these lists. Essentially, if the movie series is consistently good or bad as an adaptation, it will be counted as a whole for one of the lists, but if the series contains a film that is particularly well-adapted and one that is particularly ill-adapted, both individuals can qualify for their respective lists.

6. As is tradition with my lists, I attempted to look at these adaptations from every possible viewpoint, with each adaptation's specific ranking containing a sum of the good and bad parts. For example, the Hobbit trilogy won't be on either list, because there are elements that are so well-adapted that it didn't quite warrant a placement on last week's list, but there are also elements so overkill that it didn't make it to today's one either.

7. And finally, I limited these lists to adaptations that are at least somewhat conventional: for example, 10 Things I Hate About You is in many ways one of the coolest and most genius book adaptations out there, but it's so unconventional (because that's the point) that it's pretty impossible to compare to other, more conventional adaptations for the purposes of this list.

Without further ado, these are my favorite book-to-movie adaptations of all time!

Here are my honorable mentions: Pet Sematary (1989), The Green Mile (1999), Memento (2000), The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005), The Tragedy of Macbeth (2021).

15. Misery (1990)

Okay, I'll adress it right out the gate - there's going to be a lot of Stephen King on today's list. Not only is he one of my all-time favorite writers, but a whole bunch of his books have been made into exceptionally awesome movies. The first of many such cases on today's list is Misery, which is one of the more no-nonsense book-to-film adaptations I've seen.

The claustrophobic and thrilling atmosphere of the book translates well onto the screen, and Kathy Bates was just an unreal casting choice in terms of bringing the complex and iconic villain Annie Wilkes to life. I still prefer the book, as is almost always the case, but I can't imagine the film version of that particular novel being much better than this.

14. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Hiring a notoriously weird filmmaker to adapt a book is always a bit of a risky choice (just look at what David Lynch did with Dune, or Kubrick himself with The Shining as I discussed in last week's post). However, in certain cases where the source material itself is weird in a way that matches the adapting filmmaker's freak, it can occasionally make for a match made in heaven.

Such was the case with Anthony Burgess' strange-ass novel A Clockwork Orange, and the wonders that Kubrick did with it. The atmosphere of the film is pretty unforgettable with its zany aesthetic and soundtrack, but when you read the book, you can just hear the music from the film and Malcolm McDowell's snarly voice in your head, because they fit the atmosphere of the original work so well. Some changes are made, but they are justified ones in my opinion.

13. Othello (1995)

I regret to say that I haven't gotten to see Shakespeare performed on the theater stage (at least yet - it is one of my great wishes in life to do that some day). I can only imagine how much even the best big-screen adaptations of the Bard's works are beaten by the real thing - but, as long as I keep not having the chance to see the real thing, the movie adaptations have been a big comfort. There are many brilliant ones out there, but the one I'd single out above all others is Oliver Parker's Othello.

Out of all the Shakespeare plays I've read, Othello is probably the best-suited one for a movie adaptation, with its thrilling plot and vibrant milieu. The movie gets many things right, with the biggest praise going to casting - Laurence Fishburne nails the title role, and lifelong Shakespeare enthusiast Kenneth Branagh knocks it out of the park as Iago, one of the most interesting (and hard-to-play) characters from the Bard's works. Branagh's delivery of Iago's soliloquies alone makes this film worthy of today's list.

12. Carrie (1976)

This King adaptation is even more by-the-book (haha, literally) than Misery. If these were ranked purely based on plot loyalty, Carrie would be even higher - but making a truly great adaptation is about more than that. You know how some adaptations use remarkably appropriate music, casting and style choices to make it feel like the pages of the book are coming to life before your very eyes, with everything looking and feeling just like you imagined?

For whatever reason, Carrie doesn't quite reach that height, even though it does everything right on paper. It does everything a good adaptation should do, not taking any major liberties and just telling the book's story in cinematic form - yet it's still not among the highest tier of greats. The best adaptations feel almost as good as the book (or, in some extremely rare cases, even better) - and no matter how much one has to appreciate the loyalty of the Carrie movie, it's inevitably much lesser to the source material.

11. Tuntematon Sotilas (1955)

A true classic of Finnish literature, turned into a true classic of Finnish cinema. While there's no beating Väinö Linna's original novel, Edvin Laine's film is an exceptionally well-made adaptation, and truly the next-best-thing for this particular story. The casting is impeccable, as the beloved characters from the book come to life just like the reader imagines them, and the ratio between grim realities of war and moments of humor and levity amidst the horrors is nearly the exact same as in the book.

10. The Long Walk (2025)

Yet another King adaptation, and a very recent one this time! One could accuse me of recency bias in ranking The Long Walk this high, but I think I've thought it through - in addition to being one of this year's best overall movies, it's the kind of next-level book adaptation that only comes along every once in a while. The book is colored by a very specific atmosphere of grueling anxiety, and that translates impressively onto the big screen in the film. Watching the film feels exactly like reading the book, with both versions of the story being the same sort of almost-physical experience as you get invested in the premise and locked in to the intense plot.

The story progresses in a very loyal fashion - up until the ending, which was totally changed to my surprise. But I'm not giving minus points for that, because I see it as the kind of change that can be rationalized in any number of ways. King himself was involved with the film, so you know he was okay with it (hell, I'm half-guessing it was his idea, as he wrote the book at such a young age and is notoriously critical of his own endings so it would make sense that he'd see this film as a 'second chance'). Additionally, the film's ending is very much in the spirit of the book, as I could imagine the source material having taken the same route just as easily.

9. The Martian (2015)

Usually, even the better book-to-movie adaptations are either ones where the plot takes liberties but the atmosphere makes up for it, or ones where the atmosphere isn't exactly nailed but the narrative loyalty makes up for it. It's rare for a film based on a book to score high marks in both factors, but such was the case with Ridley Scott's adaptation of Andy Weir's The Martian. The vibe of the book, built on a delicate balance of gallows humor, clever science antics and intense moments of survival, translates remarkably well onto the big screen, and the plot progresses in a delightfully similar way, with only some small changes on that front. So, yeah, we're really starting to get to the good ones here.

8. Stand By Me (1986)

Aaaaaaaand it's more King. I swear, I read other books too, but his bibliography has just made for a weirdly big chunk of my favorite book-to-film adaptations!

Based on King's short story The Body, this timeless coming-of-age film expands its story in a way that feels very much in the spirit of the original work. Between the more original material, every great part from The Body can be found, and the brilliant casting of just the right child actors makes sure that the characters look, sound and feel exactly like their literary counterparts. The most important part of why Stand By Me works so well as an adaptation is, however, the adapting of the book's themes: the film makes the viewer feel the exact same emotions as when reading the original, and they both provoke similar trains of thought.

7. The Wizard of Oz (1939)

One can easily forget that this giant of cinema even was based on a book, as the film has surpassed the original work bright and clear in terms of iconic status and cultural value. But, in addition to changing movie history forever, The Wizard of Oz is a spectacular adaptation of L. Frank Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Some changes are made, but they're all justified, in the spirit of the book, and ones that make the end product so much better than a 100% loyal adaptation could've ever been. For the most part, the film follows the book's plot quite carefully, with the magical locations and zany characters looking just like you'd imagine when reading the pages of the source material.

6. The Harry Potter franchise (2001-2011)

Let me begin by stating the obvious - fuck J.K. Rowling.

Like many in my generation, I grew up reading the Harry Potter books and loving them almost as much as she-who-must-not-be-named loves punching down and bullying people into suicide. I then watched the movies, over and over again, falling in love with the style of adaptation and the magical locations. There are unforgettable moments to be found - heartbreaking storylines like the innocent Buckbeak getting killed because Draco Malfoy spewed inflammatory lies about him 'being a threat' for no other reason than spite. For those who still support the author of the books, I want to make it clear that as hard as it is to understand, Malfoy is supposed to be the bad guy in that situation. Similarly, in The Deathly Hallows, when Voldemort is waging a war on innocent witches and wizards who are just trying to live their lives simply because he deems them to be un-pure - believe it or not, Voldemort is the villain and not the hero in that story.

Yeah, the Potter movies are very well-made, and more easily enjoyed than the books these days as all three main actors are thankfully good-hearted people who have made clear their support for the trans community. But separating the art from the artist is particularly hard with this franchise, so I can't really discuss it without some heavy disclaimers about real-life issues that are bigger than any fantasy series. One needs to, as Ron would say, sort out their priorities.

While I'm complimenting these films on my blog, I'm not endorsing watching them unless it's pirated, from an old and already-bought DVD, or any other manner that doesn't put a single penny into Rowling's pockets. She has repeatedly vowed to use the money she continues to make off the franchise to wage her war against gender minorities. It's important to remember that this isn't just about a 'difference of opinion', as Rowling is actively funding anti-LGBTQ+ legislation in the U.K. and her well-platformed hate speech has a clear correlation with the rise in violence and hate crimes against trans people. If you've spent money on the franchise and want to counteract the funding of such a monster, I can recommend donating to causes like the Trevor project, who work hard on preventing the bullying and suicides that the Rowlings of the world insist on causing.

5. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Ah, about time for more King, wouldn't you say?

This one is hard to rank, as it could easily be argued for the #1 spot - it's one of the greatest movies of all time, and inescapably one of those rare cases where the movie is even better than the book. That just goes to show how much nuance went into today's list - there are adaptations ahead of this one where the movie isn't as good as the book, and where the movie isn't as good as this movie, yet they still are somehow better as adaptations in my book (pun not intended).

Mind you, The Shawshank Redemption is fantastic as an adaptation - but that's far from its biggest strength. Remember how last week's post discussed Kubrick's The Shining, and how it is a masterpiece for reasons very unrelated to the source material? The same is technically true with Shawshank, but with the key difference that Shawshank is ALSO a good adaptation in addition to being a cinematic masterpiece. The film's biggest strengths come from elements like Thomas Newman's score, which isn't as "wow, this feels just like the atmosphere in the book!" as some, but doesn't feel particularly different from the book either, and is a masterpiece in any case.

The same goes for the acting performances, the dialogue and the directing style - it's similar enough to the book to work as an adaptation, but it's also masterful in a way that doesn't exactly come from the book but from Frank Darabont's own vision. That explains how the arguably greatest film of all time could have been made from a book that isn't even a top 10 Stephen King book for me - the source material isn't an all-timer, but it's still really good. More specifically, it's good enough that the highest-rated film on IMDB could have been made from it, but only if the film expands on its greatness like this one did.

4. The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

Like quite a few on today's list, this one is difficult to judge because I saw the film first (several times, no less) before I read the book. It's a similar situation as The Shawshank Redemption - the movie is arguably even better, not because it changes things, but because it expands on certain concepts to make the story even more powerful. That being said, I consider this one to be even better as an adaptation.

One possible reason for this is that Stephen Chbosky, who wrote the book, also wrote and directed the movie. That is very rare - it's quite typical for the original author to work as a script consultant, producer or even screenwriter, but you rarely see them directing the films based on the books they wrote. However, based on this experiment, I'd like to see more of that phenomenon - Chbosky obviously understands the source material better than anyone, and that translates beautifully into the adaptation. Every change is a well-justified one, and there are delightfully few of them. It's the same story, with the same atmosphere and same themes, with the only changes being ones where something that worked better in literary format is switched up to whatever works even better on the big screen to drive home the same point.

3. It (2017)

I swear, this is the last King one! The exact quality of It as an adaptation has been subject to debate since its release, and rightfully so. Believe it or not, I see both sides, even though today's ranking reveals which one I personally landed on. I get why many fans of the book were let down by the movie: if you're going by plot accuracy, there are many adaptations that would kick this one's ass. The story takes a bunch of liberties - yet I'm still ranking it as the third-greatest book-to-movie adaptation of all time. And that is because the atmosphere is so spectacularly well-done.

I would dare say that no book-to-movie adaptation has utterly perfected the atmosphere of the source material as completely as this one. I'd rank it deadass first if the vibes were the only factor, but obviously I have to give some minus points for the plot threads. But when all is said and done, I can't help but see It as a fantastic adaptation: watching the film just feels like reading the book, to a staggering degree. The score, the lighting and cinematography, the sets, the excellent casting...it all comes together in a remarkable manner.

2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-2003)

Yeah, this is a no-brainer right here. The greatest trilogy in literature was turned into the greatest trilogy in cinema by the visionary Peter Jackson and his diamond-quality team. There are some changes to the plot, more than in the most plot-loyal adaptations but not nearly as much in others, and all the changes are quite well-reasoned. In terms of atmosphere, it's right up there with It, which is extra impressive as Tolkien's books have such an specific, magical and epic vibe to them.

The visual of beloved locations like Rivendell and the Shire is just unreal, while Howard Shore's score sounds exactly like the feel of the books if it was translated into the language of music - and don't get me started on the casting. Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Sean Astin as Sam, Sir Ian McKellen as Gandalf, et cetera...they really struck gold with this one. The movies are on par with the books - I've been asked multiple times which version I prefer, and to that, I will quote Rio Ferdinand when he was asked to weigh in on the Messi vs. Ronaldo debate: "People try and make comparisons...just enjoy them both, man".

1. Dune (2021) and Dune: Part Two (2024)

As overall movies, the two Dune adaptations Denis Villeneuve has graced us with so far don't quite hold a candle to the LOTR trilogy - although they come impressively close. Purely as adaptations, I'm holding on to my hot take that they're even a tad better.

I mean, where to start? Maybe with the whole production team - I've seen interviews of low-ranking set design assistants and costume department hands, all of whom are diehard Dune fans since childhood. That is probably the #1 lesson in making a good adaptation, and one that Hollywood fails at more often than not - it's not enough to have skillful people. You need to have people who are legitimately passionate about the subject matter. That's how you get a team who are hellbent in making the cinematic Arrakis look exactly like the one we know and love from the books - because they know and love it too, and understand what a special and magical thing they're a part of.

That goes for the cast as well - just listen to Javier Barden describing how it felt crazy to receive a paycheck for this role, because he's such a huge Dune geek that he would've paid money to get to play a character as fascinating as Stilgar. This cast-and-crew-spanning passion is obviously personified in the big man himself - in the decades where sci-fi fans were adamant that there will never be a good Dune adaptation because the book is so intricately complex and with such a large scope that the task is impossible, Denis Villeneuve grew up doing two things: 1) learning the art of filmmaking, and 2) reading his favorite book again and again. Villeneuve directed some of the best sci-fi films of the 2010's, like Arrival and Blade Runner 2049, and has casually stated that he viewed them as his 'audition tapes' to prove himself worthy of the Dune job - the project he was destined to make (I know, I sound like a fanatic Fremen).

Not only do both films look like Frank Herbert's Dune - they sound like it, they feel like it, to an almost transcendental degree. Also, the plot (especially in the first one) is remarkably accurate for a Hollywood book-to-movie adaptation, but honestly, that isn't even my main focus here. Anyone could to a loyal plot adaptation (which makes you wonder why Hollywood almost never does), but it takes deeper understanding than that to make an adaptation where every location and every character looks exactly like you imagined when reading the books. Kudos, Mr. Villeneuve - here's to the upcoming Dune Messiah.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week for a silly one - a ranking of all the chess pieces.

Top 10 worst book-to-movie adaptations

Greetings, reader!

My friend Inari recently suggested this: a list of the worst book-to-film adaptations, and for next week, a list of the best ones. Here are some of the groundrules for how this double list works:

1. These are ranked based on how good they are as adaptations, and not as overall movies. Of course, this is often a gray area - being a good adaptation is about more than 100-percent plot loyalty, so next week's list of the best ones does feature some films where quite a lot has been changed - as long as the changes are well-reasoned and in the spirit of the book. Similarly, today's list has some instances where the film is actually very good overall, but still a poor adaptation.

2. It should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: I've had to have read the book in order for the movie to qualify. There are many great films that I've seen that I know to be based on a book, and with many of them I've heard that they're loyal to the source material - but I can't be the judge of that unless the book is familiar to me.

3. Movies based on plays do generally qualify, especially if it's an older play so that they're clearly adapting the text, much like you'd do with a book adaptation, and not a whole stage production. Musicals are a gray area, but I ended up excluding them, because movies based on Broadway musicals etc. are never just adaptations of the text but also of the visual side of the stage production. Movies like 2012's Les Miserables, that are based on stage musicals that are based on books, were a grey area, but I ended up excluding them as well.

4. There are plenty of great TV shows based on books, but I decided to limit these lists to movies. Maybe I'll make a separate list of the worst and best book-to-television adaptations some day!

5. When a whole movie series is based on a book or a series of books, it can qualify as the whole series or as individual part depending on how my opinion of the adaptations fits these lists. Essentially, if the movie series is consistently good or bad as an adaptation, it will be counted as a whole for one of the lists, but if the series contains a film that is particularly well-adapted and one that is particularly ill-adapted, both individuals can qualify for their respective lists.

6. As is tradition with my lists, I attempted to look at these adaptations from every possible viewpoint, with each adaptation's specific ranking containing a sum of the good and bad parts. For example, the Hobbit trilogy won't be on either list, because there are elements that are so well-adapted that it didn't quite warrant a placement on today's list, but there are also elements so overkill that it didn't make it to next week's one either.

7. And finally, I limited these lists to adaptations that are at least somewhat conventional: for example, 10 Things I Hate About You is in many ways one of the coolest and most genius book adaptations out there, but it's so unconventional (because that's the point) that it's pretty impossible to compare to other, more conventional adaptations for the purposes of this list.

Without further ado, these are the worst book-to-movie adaptations I've seen!

Here are my honorable mentions: Romeo + Juliet (1996), Skavabölen Pojat (2009), Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010), Pet Sematary (2019), The Call of the Wild (2020).

10. Frankenstein (1931)

This one is interesting, because it's a damn good movie - but, inescapably, a poor adaptation. If you look back at #1 at the 'rules' of the list, Frankenstein is quite a perfect example - every once in a while, a filmmaker will make a movie adaptation, totally disregard several key elements of the book and thus create what should be a recipe for chaos - and somehow nail the end product regardless.

As a fan of horror cinema, I respect the film for being a groundbreaking work with a vibe of its own, but as an even bigger fan of Mary Shelley's iconic novel, I can't help but be a little pissed about how most of the characters, motifs and key events in the book are either nonexistent, heavily changed or squandered in their potential. It's a classic of horror cinema, but it's definitely not the loyal adaptation that Mary Shelley's masterpiece deserved.

9. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

The Narnia films are interesting, because the first one (spoiler alert!) might be seen on next week's list, yet this instalment of the same series is here. As a whole, the Narnia films are semi-average as book-to-film adaptations: they get many things right, but there's always a little something missing. Not enough to make them bad, but certainly enough that they don't reach the sacred hall of rare-but-real cases where the movie adaptations stands tall right next to the source material. There's no way around it - C.S. Lewis' Narnia books are in a league of their own, and the films are clearly inferior.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is still a contender for next week's list, although it won't be in the very highest tiers: despite its flaws, it gets so many things right that it's an overwhelmingly good adaptation if not a great one. However, by The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the franchise had gone further and further into the Hollywood cliché of "okay, do we really care about anything other than making money here?". The change isn't drastic, as it can be still recognized to be the same franchise, but the quality of adaptation is inherently worse. The plot takes some wild-ass liberties from the book, and the not the kind that are worth defending: many of the book's creative and interesting plotlines are abandoned in lieu of telling a much more generic and mediocre fantasy story that the film's writers pulled out of their asses. Some of the book's good parts can be enjoyed in the movie as well...but not enough.

8. The Shining (1980)

Now this case here is much like Frankenstein, but even weirder. The Shining is probably my favorite horror movie of all time, yet I'm still adamant about it belonging in today's list. I could write an essay about this whole thing, but I'll try to make it short here.

Stephen King's The Shining is a masterpiece of horror literature. Stanley Kubrick's The Shining takes the characters, setting, some of the ideas and some of the plot points from the book while overlooking (pun intended) a vast majority of the themes and plot events, and just makes his own thing with it - and it became a very different sort of masterpiece. I love the film, yet I completely understand why King himself hated it - not only is it very different from the book, but it wildly disregards many of its core themes, moments of character development, deep takeaways, and even the conclusion. It's like if the hot dog had been invented by a guy who was trying to make a hamburger and really f**ked up, or if a football player accidentally hit the ball and scored a goal when they were trying to kick the referee in the face.

7. Gulliver's Travels (2010)

And here we have the more basic sort of bad adaptation. A classic children's book is adapted onto the big screen for a lazy, generic cash grab of a film starring Jack Black. For all intents and purposes, it's less a Gulliver's Travels movie and more a Jack Black comedy that uses the place and character names from Gulliver's Travels as the things happening around the Jack Black humor. The film is funny enough when viewed once, but the magic and whimsy of the book is most definitely missing.

6. Sherlock Holmes (2009) and Sherlock Holmes: a Game of Shadows (2011)

Yeah, I never cared for the Sherlock Holmes films starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law - not as overall cinema, but also not as adaptations. They're not the "filmmaker's own artistic vision gets in the way of being a loyal adaptation" genre of bad adaptations like The Shining, nor are they the "a good adaptation is attempted but the end result is cruddy and lazy" type like The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Rather, it's a very specific subgenre of bad adaptations that really gets my goat: ones where the filmmaker treats the source material as a mere vibe, an aesthetic that you can cash in on, while making a shallow cash grab of a film that wildly disregards the themes of the source material.

Nothing in these films suggests that Guy Ritchie was one bit passionate about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's novels, and that's really the worst sin you can commit when adapting a book; that's why all the best adaptations are ones where the filmmaker's genuine passion for the source material can be felt. The atmosphere in these films is very "Hey, look, it's SHERLOCK HOLMES, a sexy intellectual property that we can make a movie about, look at us, it's a SHERLOCK HOLMES movie, he's a smart genius detective et cetera!", while completely missing the mark on what the Holmes books are supposed to say or feel like.

5. Dune (1984)

First of all, I love this movie - but, like, in the same way that I love the Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell. It's a glorious mess. As much of a cult classic (emphasis on "cult") as David Lynch's Dune is, it cannot be argued that as an adaptation, it's a wild miss that doesn't amount to even a fragment of what Frank Herbert's masterpiece of a book deserved.

From the clunky dialogue to the zany editing choices, from the style being a clash between over-artistic vision and not-artistic-enough studio-driven mediocrity to the inexplicable casting choices, from the hysterical visuals to the Toto soundtrack - every little element guarantees that you will have fun when watching this film, but for all the wrong reasons. I'm still glad that Lynch's Dune exists, especially since it made Villeneuve's against-all-odds fantastic adaptation decades later into an even greater payoff (just wait and see how highly it ranks on next week's list of the best book-to-movie adaptations).

4. Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)

I have a complicated relationship with this one: as proved by its #1 placement on my blog post about my biggest guilty pleasure movies a few years ago, I can't help but love this film despite its many, many flaws. I completely understand why most people, and especially most people who had read the books, simply hate this movie. For whatever reason, something in the chaotic and cliché mess of an atmosphere really got to me, making the film into a personally nostalgic cult-classic with immense re-watch value for me.

That being said, I won't consider for one second that it would be a good or even okay adaptation.

The film plays fast-and-loose with the plot turns, characters, and whole vibe of the source material, making for an end product that goes differently and just feels different. So many key parts of Rick Riordan's fantastic book are totally absent, or then just changed to a point of no recognition. For me personally, this is actually quite a similar viewing experience to David Lynch's Dune - it's fun on some twisted level, but it's miles and miles away from being the adaptation that the book deserved.

3. Alice in Wonderland (2010)

This one infuriates me, because this bait-and-switch movie really has you in the first half. When getting into Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, the whimsical locations look much like they do in Lewis Carroll's book, as do the zany characters. With artistic set design and fantastic casting, Burton tricks you into believing that you're watching a good adaptation. And then some of the most frustrating bullshit in cinematic history happens.

One thing that really pisses me off is filmmakers who adapt a story without understanding what the goddamn point of the story was. That shows a lack of understanding, or even worse, a lack of respect for the work that they're adapting, which is pretty goddamn unforgivable especially when touching a particularly respected work. And with Alice in Wonderland, for me and tons of people like me, the very best thing about the book has always been the sheer randomness of the plot - it's a borderline revolutionary story because it challenged the classic Aristotlean plot structure followed by 99% of storytellers. There's no clear ramp-up or endgame or common thread - a bunch of random shit just sort of happens and then it ends. That has always been what made the book off-putting for certain people, but that's also what makes fans of the book (y'know, the people WHO YOU SHOULD BE MAKING ADAPTATIONS FOR, TIM) love it so dearly.

And that's where the 2010 film goes so very, very, painfully wrong. Instead of continuing in the fun, random-encounters-driven plot of the source material, Burton panders to the kind of people who never would've liked the book in the first place, and delivers a horribly contrived, cliché-riddled final act with some fucking high-fantasy bullshit about Alice being the goddamn chosen one so she has to fight a fucking dragon in single combat. The final half an hour feels like Tim Burton showing the middle finger to Lewis Carroll's legacy, making it clear how he was the wrong person to make this film and has no respect and/or understanding for the original work.

2. Eragon (2006)

Jesus, what a mess. Christopher Paolini's Eragon novel may not have been a masterpiece, but it's certainly a decent fantasy adventure with a vibe of its own. And then there's the movie adaptation, where they took the character and location names from the book and tried to do The Lord of the Rings with them for 1 hour and 44 minutes.

Every single change from the source material (and believe, there are many) is clearly done with the exact same motivation: "the LOTR trilogy made tons of money, so maybe if we try to blatantly copy everything from there instead of adapting the book we're supposed to be adapting, we'll also make money!" Fucking idiots.

1. Noah (2014)

The book being adapted here is many things: many have called it the Good Book, or even the "Greatest story ever told" (by people who clearly haven't read The Lord of the Rings), while others view it as a strange cult classic (again, emphasis on "cult"). I pride myself in having read the Bible from cover to cover, motivated by historical intrigue and morbid curiosity - and I can say without the shadow of a doubt that Darren Aronofsky's Noah is the worst book-to-movie adaptation I've ever seen.

No matter what your views on Christianity or organized religion in general are, it's hard to argue that the story of Noah is an intriguing one. It's also a short one, so much so that the perfect big-screen adaptation would have to be a TV special or a short film. In order to make that story into an over-2-hour-movie (WHICH NO ONE FUCKING ASKED FOR, DARREN), one would have to really use their imaginations to stretch it out. And when the writers in question don't exactly have the best imaginations, you end up with a ridiculous mess involving made-up characters, contrived action sequences and goddamn rock monsters (I pardon my language, but I promise that it's nothing compared to the profound blasphemy that is this movie).

There have been many interpretations of the Bible across human history, and if I were to rank the very worst ones, this joke of a movie would be a solid #3, only barely losing out to the Crusades and the U.S. right-wing evangelical movement.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week for the better side of the same coin, as I rank the very best book-to-movie adaptations of all time.

Ranking every episode of The Bear

Greetings, reader!

Well, I recently watched all four seasons of FX's The Bear, and I gotta tell you - it really is worth all the hype. Between the elite-level acting, the exquisite music choices and the bold choice of actually focusing on the thing the series is supposed to be about more than other shows (I've learned delightfully much about the restaurant world watching this culinary extravaganza), it's definitely one of the best current TV shows. Here is my ranking of every episode from the four seasons that have been released so far!

38. Legacy (Season 3 Episode 7)

I have to agree with popular opinion in saying that season 3 is undoubtedly the weakest one thus far - it's not bad, but it ended up being a bit underwhelming especially by the show's high standards. And all of the season's problems are weirdly personified in this episode.

Usually, even the more disjointed episodes of The Bear are tied together by some thematic connection, making every episode feel like it has its own individual personality. Legacy is a glaring exception; it feels like a series of vignettes and separate character moments that have very little to do with each other. It reads like the writers would've realized they haven't done enough groundwork for the season's major themes in a smooth enough way, so they sacrificed this one episode and filled it with every "this one thing needs to happen for an eventual payoff in a different episode" plot thread. It sort of works, as the rest of the season is decent, but at the cost of this episode being a bit of a mess.

37. Pop (Season 2 Episode 5)

Season 2, on the other hand, is easily the show's best (and one of the best individual TV seasons of the 2020's). Yes, it has this one significantly weaker episode, but I don't even mind, because Pop is an admittedly important piece of the puzzle nonetheless. With its focus on storylines like Carmy and Claire's relationship and Tina continuing to thrive at culinary school, you could say the same critiques that I said of Legacy, with the important distinction that Pop doesn't feel nearly as poorly planned and/or disjointed.

It's not a bad episode for the sake of good future episodes; it's just a slower and more uneventful episode, paving the way for eventual payoffs, like you see all the time on shows like Better Call Saul or Andor. So, it's much more forgivable, even if it isn't the most riveting viewing experience in itself.

36. Apologies (Season 3 Episode 9)

As an individual episode of The Bear, Apologies is alright - but as the penultimate episode of its season, it's somewhat of a letdown (especially when considering what absolute powerhouses the second-last episodes of seasons 1 and 2 were). Throughout season 3, you keep thinking "maybe all these weaker moments and storylines will be worth it, I trust that they have a good plan", and this is the point where you realize: oh, this is it.

Mind you, not in a terrible way. Again, I enjoyed season 3 a lot even if it is the weakest of the bunch. My realization across Apologies wasn't that it has been / is going to end up being a bad season, but rather the acceptance that it's not going to be a great one. There's no major cliffhanger or exciting setup of the finale - then again, does there always have to be? Apologies takes the story forward in a manner that helps build towards the surprisingly good season 3 finale, not to mention laying the groundwork for the superb fourth season.

35. Soubise (Season 4 Episode 2)

Even the weakest episode of the newest season is pretty a-okay. Soubise is nothing special, but a good 'team player' sort of episode - the gradual character work happening here lays important groundwork for more memorable and impactful storylines across the road, and unlike the third season, the show manages to do this less exhilarating part without veering on boredom. The episode isn't riveting, but it's engaging enough to keep you invested, knowing there's better stuff to come. The better the prep, the more delicious the eventual meal!

34. System (Season 1 Episode 1)

The pilot episode is ranked weirdly low, especially considering how it's by no means a bad pilot. Some shows take their while to form, making the first episode seem like an odd one out upon rewatch, but not this one - The Bear knew what kind of series it was going to be with admirable clarity from the start, and the inaugural episode is a very no-bullshit, straight-to-the-point introduction to the story and characters, with even the show's signature style already on full blast.

It's ranked this low because, simply put, a vast majority of the show's episodes are pretty amazing, and this very solid pilot ends up being one of the weakest ones. It does everything a pilot is supposed to do, laying such a good groundwork that the rest of the series spread its wings to a point of surpassing the original with nearly every episode.

33. Violet (Season 3 Episode 4)

Episodes like this really prove why today's lowest-ranked episode Legacy sticks out like a sore thumb. Violet is your typical below-average The Bear episode - nothing too wildly conceptual, dramatically emotional or chaotically eventful happens like in the best instalments - but it's still thematically consistent enough to work. We follow many of the main characters in their own separate storylines, but when you compare the episode to Legacy, you have to appreciate how this one doesn't feel nearly as random.

Yes, the storylines are separate - yet are they, really? Richie's struggles with adjusting his parenting role into his post-divorce era strike similar emotions as Sydney's career crossroads, and Natalie slowly finding how she fits into the restaurant leadership mirrors similar themes as well. For an episode so spread out, Violet still has its own personality, best personified by the namesake scene where Marcus stops on his way to work after noticing a particularly beautiful flower amidst the mundane scenery. Lowkey beautiful stuff.

32. Dogs (Season 1 Episode 4)

You'll find a lot of season 1 in the just-below-midpoint section of the list, as the debut season was very solid yet ultimately a springboard for even better things to come. In Dogs, the heavily loaded relationship between Carmy and Richie is fleshed out as they cater a kids' birthday party together.

It's a decent episode, but everything it does well would be overshadowed by similar-but-better episodes later in the show's run: the dynamic between the duo is engagingly complex here but only a shadow of what they would grow into, the moments of comedy work but aren't among the show's funniest, and the off-restaurant setting is a fresh change of pace but pales in comparison to some of the more out-of-the-box milieus we'd go on to see.

31. Children (Season 3 Episode 5)

This, on the other hand, is one of the funniest episodes. The ever-escalating Fak lore seems to divide fan opinions, but I'm all for it - life shouldn't be taken too seriously, and the hilarious Fak mayhem brings a lot to the show's heart and is a nice counterbalance to some of the heavier elements. I get why John Cena guest starring as Sammy Fak was a bit overkill for some people, but I honestly found his dynamic with the already-familiar Faks to be hysterically fun. While the comedy element is the most memorable part of Children, it's also an alright episode by other measures - this is where we first meet Uncle Computer!

30. Green (Season 4 Episode 8)

This episode from the latter half of season 4 feels a bit worse than it actually is, because it's a below-average instalment stuck in the middle of some positively amazing episodes to both sides. Green is still surprisingly strong, in its own subdued way. The pace is slow, but we get important plot progression such as Sydney finally making a decision regarding Shapiro's restaurant, fascinating character interactions like Luca helping Tina, and season-endgame build-up like Natalie's talk with Uncle Computer as the countdown timer nears its end. Despite not being a great episode on any fronts, it's a very decent one on all.

29. Sundae (Season 2 Episode 3)

I'd imagine that episodes like Sundae read like parodies of what The Bear feels like for people who do not like the show. It's montage after montage after montage, feeling almost like a bunch of music videos stringed together as we follow Sydney going on a deep-dive taste testing mission for inspiration across various Chicago restaurants. Thankfully, I'm one of the people who loves the show and its signature style, and the only reason that Sundae isn't higher is that we're really starting to get to the good ones and there are many even better episodes out there. That being said, this episode is a damn good one, and an auditive-visual treat.

28. Hands (Season 1 Episode 2)

An immediate step up from the pilot, the show's second episode is slightly less hectic and the first - and while there's nothing wrong with hectic (in fact, hectic is one of the things the series does best), it does mean that there's room to breathe and flesh out the characters. You know and care a lot more about them after Hands, and that's an important thing going forward.

This is especially notable in Sydney and Richie's supply-run subplot, as both characters start to feel like real, complex humans and their dynamic is immediately compelling. There's also a lot of depth to be found in Carmy's storyline, particularly his flashbacks to his time working in the world's best restaurant in New York, with Community alumnus Joel McHale guest starring as the horrible boss who gave the protagonist some of his many mental scars.

27. Sheridan (Season 1 Episode 5)

One of the things I love best about this series is how it's actually about the thing it's supposed to be about. Nearly every TV series that has to do with a certain occupation, hobby or culture gets the same criticism from me: too much of the type of human drama we get in every other show as well, and not enough about the world this series claims to be about. I think writers are afraid to get too niche with the kind of dialogue and storytelling that might scare mainstream audiences, but I always want to learn more about the show's unique setting. I wanted more football from Ted Lasso, more mafia from The Sopranos, more local politics from Parks & Rec and more chess from The Queen's Gambit.

And that's what I love about The Bear - it's a restaurant show that's like 90 per cent restaurant.

And the best part is, we still get tons of fascinating human drama and character-driven storytelling. But, we also get a shit-ton of education on how the culinary world works, and I feel like a more typical showrunner would've sidelined this element. I love the lengthy scenes of chefs preparing food, messaging that this is a bold series not afraid to scare off normalcy-seeking viewers but rather making a piece of art for whoever is interested. Sheridan from the first season is one of the first episodes where this really hit me: every storyline is deeply involved in the world of cuisine, and it's a thing to behold.

26. Replicants (Season 4 Episode 5)

In season 4, even the less eventful and more build-up oriented episodes had plenty of material to set themselves apart and make themselves memorable. Replicants isn't anything too special when compared to the big highlights of the season, but it's still got a lot going on for it, especially for an episode that is among the weaker instalments of its season.

There's some hilarious dialogue in Ebraheim's scenes, the return of fan-favorite guest chef Luca, some major character growth on Carmy's part (FINALLY) that would pave the way for even bigger breakthroughs later in the season, and an abrupt and emotional ending cliffhanger as we learn of Sydney's father's heart attack.

25. Brigade (Season 1 Episode 3)

The thing about Sydney Adamu is that she's the best character in a series full of great characters, and right around the third episode is when I realized it. Ayo Adebiri's sledgehammer performance is on full display here, as the relatively new sous-chef tries running the sort of system that Carmy proposed for The Beef, only to find several kinks in the system that have to be worked out. As the first truly Sydney-centric episode, Brigade does wonders to flesh out her character, and to further build her inspired yet strained relationship with Carmy.

24. Pasta (Season 2 Episode 2)

Season 2 of The Bear is one of the best TV seasons of the decade, and episodes like Pasta shine an interesting light on why that is. It's not even among the season's best episodes, but it still has a lot to say about why the season works so well: the deadline of the approaching opening day was a perfect season-spanning plot device, and as a chapter in that story, Pasta does everything right to advance the plot and keep things interesting.

After the stage was set for the season in the premiere, this is a very logical next step, as we follow multiple characters in their own storylines, all of which tie into the shared larger goal looming up ahead. This makes for a comprehensive view on all the different fronts of what preparations must be made when one is not only about to open a new restaurant, but open a restaurant with the goal of being a truly great one. Tina and Ebra are sent to culinary school to improve upon themselves, Richie and Fak work on renovations and a mold problem, Carmy and Sydney do some creative menu planning, and everything is absolutely enthralling for a viewer like me. A delicious chapter of the story!

23. Ceres (Season 1 Episode 6)

First of all, kudos to Michael Berzatto (Jon Bernthal) - one of the show's best characters, and the first man to join the female-dominated field of 'TV characters who die right before the story begins but whose death leaves such a haunting mark on the show that the character is among the show's best despite no longer being with us in a physical sense'. He's there, standing tall with giants like Laura Palmer and Mary Alice Young.

Ceres is the first time we see Mikey, and oh man - even in a series so exceptionally full of genius casting choices, this one stands out. I wasn't one bit surprised to see Jon Bernthal, because of course it's him, to a degree that I felt I should've guessed the casting beforehand. It's heartbreaking to see the guy pre-suicide, and the flashback opening is the episode's strongest suit. The rest is by no means bad, as Richie's character undergoes some psychologically fascinating conflict regarding his fear of change in Chicago's "delicate ecosystem", while Sydney continues to kick ass in the kitchen and Jeremy Allen White continues to act is heart out in his role of a lifetime.

22. Sophie (Season 4 Episode 6)

Enter Sophie! Natalie's newborn daughter is here, and cute, and meeting everyone - and all around her, the heart of the show is flourishing. Characters are being nice to each other again, in what I see as a major part of why the show's season-to-season structure has worked so well. Season 1 was all about everyone having the worst time and not being the best version of themselves, season 2 was all about said characters growing and finding ways to improve (thus the multitude of wholesome episodes), season 3 was a gripping and all-too-real look about how life is complicated and growth isn't easy (therefore so much frustrating moments of characters repeating negative cycles) - and season 4 is once again about growth, this time on a more profound level, the level of really making the effort to work on oneself and improve in the long run even when it isn't easy.

The episode is mainly marked by tender, well-acted heart-to-heart interactions between characters, where instances of pain come up yet better ways forward are discussed. Whether it's Claire Bear comforting Sydney at the hospital, Natalie helping Carmy deal with his fears regarding his strained relationship to their mother or Richie confiding in Jess about his anxiety about his ex-wife's re-marriage and its implications on his role as a father, all of the central dialogues are eye-opening and ultimately uplifting. Not to mention, excellent setup for the upcoming wedding episode!

21. Doors (Season 3 Episode 3)

Almost one hundred per cent of Doors is montage-form footage of the restaurant being run. I can just imagine how unappealing that is for all sorts of viewers, ranging from ones who want their shows mainstream and conventional all the way to elitist haters who love to criticize anything they can call 'over-artistic' or 'style over substance'. For those of us who land in between, in a place of liking cool and artistic stuff because it's cool and artistic (honestly, such a fun and carefree way of looking at the world, very recommended), an episode like this is paradise.

Not everything needs a conventional narrative - an entire episode of the people working at The Bear doing their jobs with no special plot emphasis is out-of-the-box, but it's so well-made and fun to follow that I really don't mind. After the lengths that season 2 went to to show how much work went into getting the restaurant up and running, I'd honestly be pissed if season 3 didn't have an episode like this and would just skip to the next major story directions.

20. Forever (Season 3 Episode 10)

The generally divisive season 3 finale may be the least-good of the four season finales we've had thus far by a long shot - but I still like it very much. I see why many people didn't, and it's not like it's a mind-blowing masterpiece...but I still appreciate what they were going for. I think the main issue with why it isn't better than this has to do with the season leading up to it - a finale can only be as good as the season leading up to it, and the lack of clear and concise build-up across season 3 (at least compared to the other, more coherent seasons) meaning that the payoff can only go so hard.

Still, I think Forever does an admirable job with the cards it was dealt. Seeing characters like Luca and Chef Terry again is a blast, the inclusion of real-life chefs discussing their passion for the work is a brilliant way of making it all feel real, and Carmy confronting Chef David is a major milestone for his character. The latter is also a neat bridge into season 4, as I see that this moment is a turning point that allows Carmy to reflect deeper on his shortcomings, setting up the character growth and general owning-up we see from him in season 4.

19. Next (Season 3 Episode 2)

The dialogue in this series is so good that sometimes you can just build an entire f**king episode around that. Not much else happens in Next, and not much else needs to - following a conversation turn into a heated argument with a majority of the main cast present is an absolute riot, as the screenplay as well as the line deliveries by the actors are so amazing. The word 'chef' is said 24 times in the 22-minute runtime - and if you think that's a lot, then brace yourself for the SIXTY-EIGHT utterances of 'fuck' in the same timeframe.

18. Beef (Season 2 Episode 1)

The debut season ended in a very promising manner - "THE BEEF IS CLOSED / THE BEAR IS COMING" - and season 2 wastes no time in blasting off with just the kick-ass tone you'd expect. The timetable that would color the entire masterpiece of a season is set, as Carmy, Sydney and Sugar concur that the restaurant will open in exactly three months. Beef does a fantastic job setting up pretty much every great thing we'd get in the season to come, with a bunch of plot threads just waiting to pay off at the right time. The use of Refused's New Noise in the soundtrack as the high-intensity planning begins is just peak television, and the episode reads as a promise of a great season to come.

17. Groundhogs (Season 4 Episode 1)

As good as the season 2 premiere was, the very similar opening chapter of season 4 is even slightly better. The literal ticking clock for the time The Bear has to turn its revenue around is introduced, making for a heavy-handed yet admittedly fantastic plot device for the season-long arch. The use of The Who's Getting in Tune in the episode's pivotal moment is just an unreal auditive-visual experience, and the return of the characters from season 2's legendary Forks episode (Richie's 'non-negotiables') in the midst of an already kick-ass montage scene is just dangerously good television. Hell yeah.

16. Bolognese (Season 2 Episode 8)

Season 2 being as wholesome as it is (for the most part) was such a welcome surprise - one doesn't expect it after the hectic and stressful first season, but it's not too abrupt of a tone-change, as it still feels very much like the same show but just with the characters evolving as people do sometimes. This episode really drives home the point that the wholesomeness of Forks wasn't a one-time thing, but rather that this is what the show is now - or at least would be for the time being.

Much like how life really goes, the good times never last forever, and things in the season 2 finale would go wrong enough that we got a whole season 3 of worse times, only for season 4 to pick up the pieces once again. This dynamic works very well, and even in the worst of times, it helps to remember moments of bliss like the passing of the fire safety test in season 2's Bolognese. The sense of community between the main characters can be felt like a physical presence in this episode, as they were truly becoming a family.

15. Ice Chips (Season 3 Episode 8)

On paper, "a character gives birth and her is mother is there to guide her through the experience" isn't the most riveting pitch for a TV episode. But, the acting prowess of Abby Elliott and Jamie Lee Curtis, as well as the world-class writing behind their characters and relationship, carry Ice Chips into the realm of elite television. The dialogue is touching, the line deliveries mesmerizing, and the placement of the episode in the show's narrative is a vital turning point.

As I've mentioned, season 3 was largely about the frustrating repetition of harmful patterns while season 4 was about growing and healing - and this episode, smacked in the tail end of season 3, stuck out like a sore thumb in the best way possible, as a means of paving the way for the more upbeat fourth season. If it wasn't for these baby steps of healing in Sugar's relationship with her mother, we wouldn't have the headway for Sugar's sibling relationship with Carmy, Carmy's gradual forgiveness towards Donna, and the way all three characters finally start to heal from the scars left by Mikey's suicide in season 4.

14. Worms (Season 4 Episode 4)

How this masterclass only has a 7.6 on IMDB is beyond me. I enjoyed Worms immensely, and was delighted to hear about its behind-the-scenes backstory afterwards: showrunner Christopher Storer saw that there was room between plot-heavy episodes for a more reflective, Sydney-centric episode - and tasked the actress behind the show's best character with writing it.

Ayo Edebiri enlisted the help of fellow cast member Lionel Boyce, and the two of them just had fun with it, writing a Sydney-focused episode with brilliant dialogue, deep character work and a fun vibe. Again, I love the little ways in which the show is made to feel so real - and having the actress behind Sydney write an episode about the stuff the character is going through is just such a cool way of fleshing the character out.

13. Scallops (Season 4 Episode 3)

Style-wise, this is classic The Bear, with the music choices on point, the food-prep scenes delicious, and the cast bringing their A-game. Theme-wise, this is the point where the wholesome-despite-the-barriers vibe of season 4 is really broken in. Based on the first two episodes, the viewer couldn't be sure what kind of season it was heading to be, but the amount of heart and healing in Scallops makes it abundantly clear that it's going to be tonally closer to the ultimately optimistic season 2 than the cynical season 3 - and what a welcome and earned change in tone that was!

This is best examplified in the snow-experience scene, which is the kind of pure magic that you rarely see in your critically acclaimed dramas in an era where dark and morally grey antihero-story stories are all the rage. The theme of positively surprising and heartfelt development continues with Carmy's storyline, as his conversation with Claire Bear is just a beautifully written and acted moment of healing in the face of obstacles. This episode feels like what I imagine Marcus' desserts to taste like.

12. Honeydew (Season 2 Episode 4)

This episode was directed by national treasure Ramy Youssef, who previously worked together with Christopher Storer on his show Ramy. It makes so much sense that these two shows were imagined by two close friends and colleague who helped each other out with both respective projects: both combine drama and comedy ingeniously, and both break from narrative norms in a similarly refreshing manner (in both shows, it's common for an episode to end by simply having two characters have a reflective conversation for 5 minutes in lieu of a conventional climax or cliffhanger ending).

In Honeydew, Youssef's somber and reflective directing style is a perfect fit for the side-quest script, as we follow Marcus when he's sent to Copenhagen to train with the best. The best, in this case, is Chef Luca, played by the impeccable Will Poulter in what may the best performance so far from his impressive career. The episode is slow-paced in a beautifully atmospheric way, and the chemistry between Marcus and Luca is the kind that we don't see enough on our TV shows: two men, becoming friends, not in the most typical masculine way, but by talking stuff out and getting to know each other in authentic moments of tender vulnerability.

Also, the 'food porn' element of this dessert-heavy episode is off the charts.

11. Tomorrow (Season 3 Episode 1)

Many people gave the deeply artistic season 3 premiere negative reviews, for reasons like "nothing new happens" and "it's just a bunch of stuff we already knew about". For those people, fear not: there is a new Fast & Furious film in development, and I hear Michael Bay is working on a new Transformers sequel as well. Depth and interesting characters aren't for everyone (I know this makes me sound like an obnoxious elitist, but really, WHY do you watch over 2 seasons of a show like The Bear if you don't get the first thing about it? Do you people understand how immensely boring our movies and TV would be if there was some dumb f**king rule that some new plot twist has to happen every five seconds in order to stimulate your TikTok brain? You can always go ask goddamn ChatGPT to write you a more eventful The Bear episode if you really hate art so much).

Okay, rant over. Tomorrow is one of the better season premieres in modern television, as Christopher Storer really went all out with the bold gimmick. The soundtrack for the entire episode is a loop of Nine Inch Nails' melancholic Together, which creates a fantastic vibe for what we see: Carmy, dealing with the immediate aftermath of the chaotic events in the season 2 premiere in the present, while flashing back to several key moments on his path to that point. The end result reads as a profound look at the protagonist's mindset, and all the different relationships and moments in his life that fucked him up, painting his as a more complex character than ever before. You're frustrated at the guy, yet you care about him deeply, and you can really appreciate why it's so hard for him to grow and reach out. Bittersweet.

10. Tonnato (Season 4 Episode 9)

The conversation between Carmy and Donna alone warrants a high placement for the newest season's penultimate episode. The acting performances are so raw, really making the viewer appreciate the scope of how much baggage there is in their fucked-up relationship, and how beautiful it is that they're making an effort despite all of that. It's a massive moment for both characters.

My favorite part of the whole interaction is that silent moment after Donna's long monologue - in that moment, the first-time viewer has NO idea what Carmy will say or do in response, and there's something beautiful about that. The characters in the show (and the main character in particular) are so realistic and complex, that you feel like you know the guy and should therefore be able to predict how he'll react - but his relationship with his mother is so complicated that any number of reactions might seem likely. He might start to yell angrily, or break down in tears, or be wholesome and give her a hug, or leave the room without a word, or just anything really. There's something hauntingly beautiful about that unsure moment, before the dialogue carries on.

Also, the episode ends in one hell of a cliffhanger, setting up what is sure to be quite the finale.

9. Napkins (Season 3 Episode 6)

The atmospheric and beautiful Marcus episode from season 2 walked so that the even more atmospheric and beautiful Tina episode from season 3 could run. In the definitive highpoint of this generally uneven season, we follow the backstory of this beloved yet underrated character, as actress Liza Colón-Zayas pours equal parts heart and grit into her sledgehammer performance.

The episode can be seen as any number of things - commentary on class struggles in the U.S., a tribute to the middle-aged working-class woman, a portrayal of the immigrant experience, or a neat fill-in on the lore with Mikey and The Beef. All this is tied together into a subdued and cohesive episode by director *checks notes* Ayo Edebiri? In her directorial debut?? Is there anything she doesn't kick ass at?!

8. Omelette (Season 2 Episode 9)

The second-last episode of the show's best season follows the moments leading up to the opening of the friends-and-family 'soft launch' of The Bear. The whole episode is pretty riveting, with everything that has been set up throughout the season either starting to pay off or remaining in an ever-tense state of further build-up for the upcoming finale - but it's those final moments that make this into a top ten episode of the show.

It's not even my bias as a lifelong AC/DC fan (although I'm sure it doesn't hurt either) when I say that out of the many, many sublime song choices throughout the series, very few stand as tall as If You Want Blood You've Got It in that cliffhanger montage about the final seconds before the grand opening. It sets a perfect atmosphere to a visually and dramaturgically excellent scene, as the sense of "it's all coming together" hype is a physical presence.

It's impressively relatable - obviously, I've never opened a restaurant, but I reckon that anyone who has ever completed a huge project and remembers that adrenaline-charged feeling when everything is ready and the moment has arrived and you're extremely excited yet nervous would agree that this scene is a perfect encapsulation of that sensation. When I think back on the musical I directed at the end of my studies, or my diploma concert in high school - that feeling of the last seconds before it's go time is absolutely captured by this amazing scene.

7. Braciole (Season 1 Episode 8)

Kicking off with a mesmerizing single-take monologue where Jeremy Allen White acts his heart out, it becomes immediately clear that the season 1 finale is a thing to behold. The relentless sense of "dramatic turning point" remains throughout the episode, with characters going through defining moments that feel hectic and desparate yet ultimately set up their growth in season 2 in a necessary manner.

The scene where Carmy receives Mikey's letter from beyond the grave is incredibly moving; both the "let it rip" dialogue and the line about how the family used to communicate via food from before were amazing pieces of setup for this emotionally charged payoff, as Mikey's last message to his brother is revealed to be a recipe (with the words "let it rip" on the other side). The whole tone of the series seems to shift for the more optimistic from here, and the season's culmination is immortalized in that final visual that truly makes you realize how the story is only getting started: "THE BEEF IS CLOSED / THE BEAR IS COMING".

6. Goodbye (Season 4 Episode 10)

I especially like the conversation between the main characters in the back yard of the restaurant.

Get it? Because that's the whole episode?

No, but seriously - it takes some guts to finish off the highly anticipated season finale of a hit series with a season finale that consists entirely of one conversation. But the gambit paid off - Goodbye is an emotional roller coaster with 10/10 acting performances across the board. It's already pure gold when it's just Carmy and Sydney discussing the big changes ahead (and the baggage of the past) in a raw, honest manner - and it just gets better when Richie arrives (honestly, no scene of The Bear ever gets worse if that guy is added into the mix), and Sugar as the final ingredient is such a sweet touch (see what I did there?). Dramatic, emotional, and bold - that's how you end a season, and make sure that I'll be counting the days to season 5.

5. Forks (Season 2 Episode 7)

This is the highest-rated episode of the show so far on IMDB, and I love that - usually, for a 9.7, you need a shocking character death or some other earth-shattering twist. It is very rare for an episode like this - subtle, lowkey, character-driven and slow-paced - to receive such a rating. I think that the popularity of Forks says a lot about how the show found its target audience; it takes a fandom that is truly appreciative of gradual, beautiful storytelling and honest character development in order for an episode like this to become the show's golden child instead of an underrated background gem.

Yeah, it's impossible not to love Forks. In an age where our TV is full of darkness and antiheroes while the real life outside it is increasingly run by downright villains, stories about growth and kindness feel more and more like a much-needed breath of fresh air. Richie's character development here is magnificent; so much of his arch happens in this one episode, as the dude seems to change before our very eyes in a manner that feels realistic and not rushed despite its profound nature. Ebon Moss-Bachrach's heartfelt performance feels soul-healing, the atmosphere of the Ever is immaculate, and Olivia Colman's guest performance is just the extra spice needed to top off this delicate masterpiece.

4. Bears (Season 4 Episode 7)

Never was the upbeat-in-an-earned-way vibe of season 4 more prominent than in its best episode, Bears. Pretty much every character imaginable is gathered for Tiffany's wedding, and in the opening act, there's a hellishly strong sense that things might go very wrong. One anticipates a Fishes Part Two, as the guests mingle and all the drama and troubled relationships are fresh in the viewer's mind.

But then, something crazy happens - they all just kind of get along and have a good time??

It's amazingly powerful how a show where the characters have so much realistic pain and trauma can make such a wholesome turn feel just as realistic. Yeah, those people could be fighting and crying, but they're not, because they've all been healing, and y'know what? To quote every pessimist describing why they love the saddest episode of a series, "Sometimes life just goes that way". Yeah, it works this way, too. The characters all deserve a break at this point, as does the viewer, and the whole episode is very entertaining amidst all the sweetness.

Also, finally getting to see the downright-mythical Francie Fak and Brie Larson being the actress was perfection.

3. The Bear (Season 2 Episode 10)

For an episode to have a 9.4 on IMDB, but for me to still consider it inherently underrated, it has got to be something special. That is the case with the pitch-perfect culmination of season 2 - while I get why it didn't quite reach the popularity and acclaim of the more distinctive Fishes and Forks, but I consider it to be in the very same tier nonetheless. Yes, it is in many ways a typical (and in parts predictable) season finale - but the thing that sets it apart is how every little detail is so good. In today's TV milieu, there's nothing special about a well-written and climactic season finale where a bunch of plot threads pay off - we get like ten of those per year. But, somehow, this show's titular episode (bold move, by the way) is even better than ninety-five per cent of similar ones.

It's not any one thing that makes it into such a masterwork, but rather the combination of a thousand little things. There are so many elements that feel like the episode would still work and might still be a 10/10 without it, but the presence of that thing makes an already excellent episode even better. That goes for the artistic and well-coordinated long takes, the tonal shift with the walk-in incident paving the way for a more issue-filled season 3 after a more uplifting season 2, the unforgettable moments like Richie running the kitchen to the backdrop of Pearl Jam's Animal, the dialogue and acting in understated moments (Pete and Donna outside the restaurant) as well as the five-star big scenes (Richie and Carmy's heart-wrenching argument from opposing sides of the door)...absolute chef's kiss.

2. Review (Season 1 Episode 7)

Speaking of long takes, there's one in this episode that, apart from the incredibly melancholic and atmospheric opening montage to the tune of Sufjan Stevens' Chicago, IS the whole episode. In the tradition of Mr. Robot's eps3.4_runtime-error.r00 and The Haunting of Hill House's Two Storms, the gimmick isn't there just for the sake of the gimmick, but rather it is utilized for just the narratively right episode, to convey a sense of urgency and intensity in a way that wouldn't be possible without the gimmick.

This makes the greatness of the episode twofold: everything related to the technique behind the gimmick is awe-inspiring (the coordination, the high-pressure acting, the cinematography - no notes), and the unique atmosphere that this helps create makes for a viewing experience that would undoubtedly be great even if you wouldn't notice that it's all one take. The variety of tense character relationships that had been built up towards the beautifully stressful debut season - Carmy and Richie, Richie and Sydney, somehow also Sydney and Carmy - all come to a boiling point here, and the end result is explosive. I loved the episode so much that I re-watched it on the very next day, just wanting to re-live the experience as it's so well-made and immersive.

Like the ending of Omelette, the entirety of Review is relatable even if you haven't been through exactly the same (although I'd imagine it hits the hardest for people who have worked in hectic restaurants). But, trust me - anyone who has been in any sort of chaotic, high-pressure work environment will find the episode extremely real. I kept wondering what it is that the vibe and escalation in Review remind me of, until I realized it - I split my years working as a camp counselor between two different summer camps under the same organization, and one was significantly more stressful, high-pressure and million-moving-parts-at-all-times than the other. And as different as that job is from a restaurant environment, I still found that the last 15 minutes of Review capture with perfection how it felt like to go through a particularly, eh, eventful day in that job.

1. Fishes (Season 2 Episode 6)

As you can see from several of my descriptions, The Bear has a knack for capturing universally relatable human experiences - and, concerning my #1 pick, that has me wondering. You see, I come from what I consider to be a very chill and healthy family, where we've always loved and supported each other unconditionally, communicated well, and had very little drama. And Fishes is my favorite episode of this series, because its depiction of a dysfunctional family Christmas is so incredibly well-done that I feel indirect resonation via stories that I've heard from friends who come from more, uh, complicated families. It makes me wonder - if Fishes hits so hard for someone like me, who has never really experienced firsthand what the episode is about, then how cataclysmically hard must it hit for people with family Christmas trauma, people who have lived it?

Reading some IMDB reviews gave me a pretty clear answer. While for me, Fishes hits superlatives like "the best episode of this series" and "best Christmas episode of the 2020's", there are other people who went a bit further - phrases like "representation that healed my soul", "I cried for the entire runtime because I have experienced this exact Christmas", "the most relatable piece of media I have ever witnessed", and "the greatest TV episode of all time because of how real it is" were thrown around.

I love that this episode means so much to so many people, on such a personal level. It says something that even when I don't have such a personal connection to it, I still have it as my #1 episode of the entire show, because it's just such mesmerizing television. Like, there's the insane casting choices (my heart jumped when Community alumnus Gillian Jacobs, comedy mastermind John Mulaney, critical darling Bob Odenkirk and the legendary Jamie Lee Curtis showed up within the span of a few minutes) - but that's just the tip of the iceberg. The style the episode was shot and edited in, combined with the rapid-tempo dialogue, make for an atmosphere that is simultaneously mega-entertaining and borderline hilarious, yet also seriously unsettling with a strong undercurrent of panic.

The episode also gives so much context for the Berzatto family in a heartbreaking manner. Like, you've wondered what the hell is up with the clearly fucked-up Carmy, the more subtly fucked-up Natalie and the tragically deceased Mikey - and spending one episode with their mother makes you go "oh, I get it now". It's a harrowing depiction of mental illness, painting a complex picture of a mother like Donna Berzatto being a victim herself that you care for deeply, yet her lack of self-awareness (or just a diagnosis) really makes you feel for her kids and understand their resentment. If anything, the episode showcases the importance of therapy, diagnoses and overall mental health work.

Also, despite all the first-time guest performances being an amazing addition, the MVP of the episode is without a doubt Jon Bernthal as Mikey - we had seen him in flashbacks before, but Fishes is where we really realize what a great guy yet troubled soul he was, as he's painted as a complex and realistic human to a degree that makes the already-sad knowledge of his suicide about a million times more heartbreaking. Episodes like this make you realize that even thought the show is about a restaurant on paper, and even though I love to praise how a big chunk of the show really is about food - it's also about so much more than just that.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week, and the week after that, for two posts suggested by my friend Inari - the top 10 worst book-to-movie adaptation, and the top 10 best ones.

Ranking everything we watched in our Halloween marathon - 2025 edition

Greetings, reader!

Well, we just hosted our third annual Halloween marathon last week. It's starting to become one of my all-time favorite traditions, and as is part of the tradition, here is a ranking of everything we watched! The event totaled six feature-length films, six short films and one Halloween-themed sitcom episode. It should be noted that I didn't rank them as overall pieces of cinema, but rather as overall parts of the marathon. I rated them based on four factors (How cinematically impressive it is, how scared I was watching it, what did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon & how much fun did I have watching it), and ranked them based on their point totals. And, just like last year, I added the category "If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up" just for fun. I hope you enjoy!

13. Item 6/13: Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

How cinematically impressive was it: 5.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: I reckon she’d clock out promptly after the first scene

The Halloween franchise carries an important role in this tradition: we watched the two first Halloween films in our original marathon two years ago, the third and fourth instalments in last year's marathon, and the fifth and sixth ones this year (looking forward to H20: 20 Years Later and Halloween: Resurrection next year).

Out of the two chapters of the slasher franchise included in this year's marathon, I actually prefer the sixth Halloween over the fifth as an overall movie - but as a part of this particular marathon, it does rank worse. Watching one cruddy slasher amidst better material during a horror marathon is a perfect blast of fun, but the second one in a row gets a bit tired and makes you yearn for quality. Still, no regrets, as I love this tradition-within-the-tradition!

12. Item 13/13: Halloween 4: The Revenge of Rod Skyhook (Modern Family, Season 8 Episode 5)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7/10

How scared was I watching it: 1/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 9/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: Like last year, the Modern Family cool-off is the one thing she would get through AND fully enjoy!

I hate to rank the Modern Family cool-off so low, as it's another tradition-within-the tradition that I love (we've watched one of the show's Halloween episodes after each Halloween marathon, and it's a different one each time). As my high rating for the third category shows, it's a crucial part of the marathon as a whole, and cooling off with a light sitcom episode is the perfect way to wash away the fear from the more intense parts of the marathon so one can go to sleep with an unburdened mind. But, all of the horror stuff we watched this year was so solid, that this one can't help but lose out to most of them.

11. Item 4/13: Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

How cinematically impressive was it: 4.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 4/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 9/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: I give her a solid 15 minutes (assuming you somehow get her to start a film called Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers in the first place)

As I mentioned, Halloween V is an even cruddier obscure slasher sequel than Halloween VI - but, in the context of a marathon that mostly consists of good horror, the first cruddy slasher you watch is inherently more fun than the second. We had such a good time during The Revenge of Michael Myers, laughing our asses off at the comical Michael Myers moments and the poorly aged 80's plot that felt simultaneously "Kid's, don't have premarital sex, because a guy will impale you with a pitchfork if you do!" but also "Dear creeps, please watch this film, it'll have plenty of scantily clad young women having sex because that sells!".

10. Item 9/13: The Strange Thing About the Johnsons (Short 2011)

How cinematically impressive was it: 8/10

How scared was I watching it: 8.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 2/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: No parent should ever have to bear watching this one

This ultra-dark short film by Ari Aster was a difficult one to rank - I had just the worst time when watching it, but I respect how that is very much the point. Now, if everything in a 13-point Halloween marathon was this disturbing, it would be a miserable event and I would have no interest attending. But, when one item out of 13 is this bleak, it's kind of perfect.

A big part of the horror genre is shock value and darkness, so finding one item so next-level that it functions as the crown jewel of that side of the genre just to showcase what lengths the marathon will go to...it's kind of genius (props to Martta for choosing this short film to serve that purpose). All in all, The Strange Thing About the Johnsons was scary as hell (not in a conventional sense but in a gross, disturbing sense), a nice bridge into the feature film by the same director that we would go on to watch right after it, and just a horrible experience in the best way possible.

9. Item 7/13: Mama Agnes (Short 2024)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7/10

How scared was I watching it: 7.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 7/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: About halfway through the 3-minute runtime

Generally speaking, the short films we watched in between each feature film were the highlight for me! This is partially thanks to their role as transitions and/or pallet cleansers, and partially because horror is always at its best when viewed for the first time, and I had seen 5 out of the 6 feature films beforehand while all 6 short films were new to me (two of them were chosen by my best friend Atte, while four, including this one, were chosen by Martta).

While Mama Agnes wasn't as memorable as the best shorts of the day, it was still a thoroughly decent addition on all counts. Not super-scary but definitely creepy, not an Oscar-worthy masterpiece but still a well-shot production, not a highpoint of the event but also not a major low. Like the back-up vocals in a rock song or the central midfielder serving short passes in a football squad, this was one of those parts-of-a-whole that are vital to building up the end product despite never stealing the show.

8. Item 3/13: Tunnelen (Short 2016)

How cinematically impressive was it: 8.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 6/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 7.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: When she realizes that there’s something up with the Death Tunnel

This short film, pitched by my friend Atte, was a wonderfully different addition to the setlist of the marathon. Barely qualifying as horror per se, this award-winning Norwegian short is more of a sci-fi mystery, but it still fit our large scope of Halloween-appropriate viewing very well, making the end product more diverse and fun.

7. Item 5/13: Man on a Train (Short 2021)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 8.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 7/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: She might even get through the whole thing, but with very little enjoyment and/or appreciation

Short and to the point, this feat of real-world horror wastes no time in creating a creepy atmosphere, doing some efficient build-up in its short runtime, and cutting off at the scariest possible place. In all relative simplicity, Man on a Train does its job as a horror short very impressively, and was a splendid addition to the gallery of our marathon.

6. Item 2/13: The Exorcist (1973)

How cinematically impressive was it: 9/10

How scared was I watching it: 7/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: She’d last an impressive half an hour with this one

After kicking the marathon off with the short film Other Side of the Box at noon, we launched into the first feature length movie of the day: The Exorcist. The movie was much as I recalled from my first viewing of it many years ago: not all that scary to my subjective tastes, but masterclass of cinema nonetheless. Watching such a classic as the first full-length instalment of the event was a pretty awesome choice, and it kickstarted the decade-based order of feature films with a brilliant dose of classy 70's cinema.

5. Item 12/13: Longlegs (2024)

How cinematically impressive was it: 8/10

How scared was I watching it: 7.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 7.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: Definitely out of the room before the first scene is over

Last year's horror darling Longlegs wasn't nearly as scary the second time around, as the impressive horror that I praised in my post about last year's greatest movies came largely from not knowing what will happen next and how well director Osgood Perkins utilized that. That being said, it's a damn fun movie to watch for the 2nd time! It's a whole different experience, as you can fully focus your attention on noticing the elements of visual background-buildup that flew over your head or only hit your subconscious during your first viewing.

Also, it was fun to watch with someone who is seeing it for the first time for their reactions - a majority of our visitors had left by the time we started the marathon's final feature film around 11 p.m., but my best friend Atte was still present, and Martta and I had a great time watching him watch the film. All in all, a good finale (not counting the Modern Family cool-off), and a good representative of 2020's horror for the decades-gimmick we had going on with our selection of feature films.

4. Item 8/13: Ju-on 2 (2003)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 9/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: Assuming she would’ve seen the first one, she’d be out of the house upon hearing the very name of the film

More people started to pour in around this film, and having a full house was quite merry for watching this extravaganza of Japanese horror sequeldom. The second Ju-on isn't nearly on the cinematic levels of the first, but it's pretty much just as scary, which was quite the perfect combo for this point in the marathon and this amount of people - it didn't take the level of attention that a masterpiece requires, but there was still plenty to enjoy and appreciate in its horror elements. Also, it was the only feature film of the day that I hadn't seen before, so points for being a new and refreshing experience!

3. Item 10/13: Midsommar (2019)

How cinematically impressive was it: 9/10

How scared was I watching it: 8/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 7.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: She’d make it almost through the first hour, but would clock out immediately once THAT scene arrives

Man, the 'fun' category for this one was a difficult set of points to give - on one hand, it's an infamously disturbing film, but on the other...we couldn't help but have a blast when watching this. When compared to The Strange Thing About the Johnsons, where we all just soaked in discomfort and shock value, this was a different case - mainly because I'm pretty sure every single one of us had seen Midsommar before.

No matter how hard-hitting the most haunting scenes still are, that side just isn't the same when you know what to expect, so there was a lot of joking around to lighten the mood going on. Continuing from Ju-on 2 and the short film in between, we were at full capacity for this one, with a head count of seven humans and one dog, and we all had a blast.

2. Item 1/13: Other Side of the Box (Short 2018)

How cinematically impressive was it: 7.5/10

How scared was I watching it: 8/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8.5/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: 2-3 minutes into the 15-minute runtime

I really appreciate a kick-ass opening, whether it's the first track of a concert or the pilot episode of a TV show - and, based on her genius choice of this short film for the opening number of our marathon, I have chosen to marry the right person. Not only is Other Side of the Box a pretty damn fantastic horror short overall - it was just the right opening for this year's marathon, immediately setting a creepy-but-fun tone that would go on to escalate into all sorts of directions. Hell yeah.

1. Item 11/13: Portrait of God (Short 2022)

How cinematically impressive was it: 8/10

How scared was I watching it: 9.5/10

What did it bring to the dynamic of the marathon: 8.5/10

How much fun did I have watcing it: 8/10

If my mom were to watch this, at what point would she give up: I can picture her going ”Yeah, nope” before the first line of dialogue is finished

The last short film we watched, right before the Longlegs + Modern Family finale, was Portrait of God, pitched by Atte. And dammit if it wasn't the highlight of the marathon for me. Not only is the short insanely scary - it is the very specific brand of horror that gets to me the most.

My relationship to the genre is very similar to how Stephen King describes why he prefers opening acts to finales in horror stories: there's nothing that really beats the creaking door, the whisper from the darkness, the mysterious box, the figure you only kind of make out from the shadows. Nothing much happens in Portrait of God, but the visual horror cues and the anxious sense of mystery are quite simply sublime. By this time in our marathon, it was pitch-dark outside, we had our jack-o-lantern out, and I was quite simply locked in. Chills.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week for a ranking of every episode in FX's hit show The Bear.