Top 10 Man Vs. Nature Survival Movies

Hello, dear reader!

The topic for today's blog was suggested by my Uncle Dan, a fellow film enthusiast. I'll be looking at the ten greatest Man Vs. Nature survival movies, ranging from stranded islands to snowy mountains, from incredible fiction to even more incredible true stories, from ultra-realistic to definitely-not-realistic. The genre is a hard one to define, so I decided that any film is eligible, but I'm ranking them based on how good they are as Man Vs. Nature survival movies, instead of how they are as overall movies that happen to fall into the category.

Here are my honorable mentions: Call of the Wild (2020), First Blood (1982), Gravity (2013), The Grey (2011).

10. The Gold Rush (1925)

"Three days from anywhere. A lone prospector."

This Charlie Chaplin classic is many things: the movie the legendary filmmaker most wanted to be remembered by, the oldest movie I've seen to date, and a comedic take on the Man Vs. Nature category to show how versatile the subgenre can be. While parts of the film take place in an Alaskan town, most of it follows Chaplin's iconic Tramp character out in the middle of nowhere (or, more accurately, 'three days from anywhere'), looking for gold in the Klondike area. Being a Charlie Chaplin comedy and all, The Gold Rush isn't half as intense in its survivalist storytelling as the other films on this list, but it does present an amusing take on the struggle against dangerous blizzards and steep cliff edges in the midst of the Gold Rush.

9. Jeremiah Johnson (1972)

"You're the same dumb pilgrim that I been hearin' for twenty days, and smellin' for three!"

One could argue that Jeremiah Johnson is more of a "Man in harmony with nature" movie than a "Man Vs. Nature" one; thus its fairly low placement on this list. Another point of view would be that the film is just like the others on this list, but title character Jeremiah Johnson (Robert Redford) is better at what he does than the other protagonists on this list, therefore getting into less dire and intense situations.

The film follows Johnson as he enters the Rocky Mountains with the goal of leaving society behind and becoming a mountain man (I distinctly remember watching this film with my Dad, as Mom chimed in to ask which cowboy movie we were watching, leading to a defensive "It's not a cowboy movie, it's a mountain man movie" from Dad). The film follows Johnson as he hunts, builds, learns and generally becomes at home in his surroundings, while also having intriguing run-ins with various other inhabitants of the Rockies. Definitely the most peaceful and least adrenaline-packed film from this list.

8. Life of Pi (2012)

"Above all: don't lose hope"

If these films were ranked based on how good they are as overall cinema instead of how good they are purely as survival movies, Life of Pi would definitely be quite a few notches further up. Having a strong message and being the deserved winner of four Academy Awards, this Ang Lee film has a lot going on for it - but while it could be argued to be much more than "just a survival movie", a survival movie it is at heart.

We follow Pi Patel (Irrfan Khan) as he recounts his unique tale of survival to a young writer (Rafe Spall). The bulk of the film is in these flashbacks, as we see a young Pi (Suraj Sharma) surviving a shipwreck, and spending an incredible length of time stranded in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with the company of an adult Bengal tiger. I won't go into the depths and meanings of all that happens in light of the film's ending, as I don't want to spoil this film for those who haven't seen it, so I'll just say that it's a fascinating tale of survival (among other things). The scene where Pi encounters a humpback whale, with the moment's magnificent visual effects and profound sense of nature's terrifying greatness, is honestly one of the most beautiful and magical movie scenes that I have ever witnessed.

7. The Shallows (2016)

"GET OUT OF THE WATER! SHARK!"

"It's okay, no sharks come here!"

I'm a tad ashamed to admit that an adolescent Veikko's motivations for watching this movie were less along the lines of "This sounds like an intense and well-made film about survival in open water" and more along the lines of "This film appears to feature Blake Lively in a tight wetsuit for much of its duration". But whatever my reasons for seeing the film in the first place, I remember being surprised by how good the film actually was. I tend to expect the absolute worst from any "shark film" that isn't the original Jaws (1975), but The Shallows is no ordinary shark-horror flick.

While I have learned afterwards that the film isn't all that realistic in its depiction of shark behavior (apparently I'm behind on my shark knowledge), it sure feels realistic when watching the film and not knowing much about sharks. Gone is the ridiculousness of typical shark cinema, as the threat in this film feels intense and real: a surfer is attacked by a shark, gets stranded on a rock barely above the water surface, and must figure out a way to survive (swimming back to the beach is hardly an option when the shark remains in the nearby water). The Shallows is a surprisingly awesome survival film, carried by its impressive visuals and a Lively lead performance.

6. All Is Lost (2013)

"All is lost here, except for soul and body, that is, what's left of them, and a half day's ration"

I guess Robert Redford has a knack for portraying people surviving in the midst of wilderness, as he stars in two of this list's movies. In All Is Lost, Redford is the only person to appear for the entire duration, and the one-man show is quite thrilling. He plays the role of a sailor who gets into trouble 1700 nautical miles from the Sumatra Straits, when his boat collides with a shipping container. Throughout the film, we follow him trying to repair his craft and get help with all sorts of resourceful methods, yet things start to look more and more dire as the forces of nature seem stacked against the poor man.

Redford's performance is made all the more impressive by the film's lack of dialogue; he speaks only a few lines of dialogue throughout the mostly speechless film. The general lack of spoken words makes it all the more powerful whenever something is said: Redford's character yelling "FUUUUCK!" in frustration has quite the impact when it's the first thing to come out of his mouth after an hour or so of silence. All in all, an intense and harrowing viewing experience.

5. Everest (2015)

"We don't need competition between people. There is competition between every person and this mountain. The last word always belongs to the mountain"

Based on a gripping true story, Everest follows two expedition groups stricken by disaster while ascending the world's highest mountain in 1996. Starring the likes of Jason Clarke, Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Kelly in the roles of famous mountaineers Rob Hall, Scott Fischer and Jon Krakauer, Everest is a truly riveting watching experience. The film maintains a beautiful sense of adventure throughout its runtime, while also feeling extremely intense and horrifying as the situation on the mountain gets worse and worse.

The film's expert visual effects and Baltasar Kormakur's solid directing make for a thrilling atmosphere, with the sense of danger feeling very real. Everest does a fine job detailing the creative methods of survival that were used in order to save multiple lives in the disaster, while somberly remembering those who didn't make it.

4. The Revenant (2015)

"I ain't afraid to die anymore. I'd done it already"

The film that finally earned Leo DiCaprio his long-overdue Academy Award, The Revenant is the very first movie that came to mind when my uncle suggested this list. This might be because it is such a pure example of the Man Vs. Nature / Survival subgenre, checking all of the boxes. There's beautiful scenery, intense moments of danger, out-of-the-box solutions to stay alive in the face of death, and much more.

Like quite a few of this list's films, The Revenant is based on a true story - in this case, the story of 1820's frontiersman Hugh Glass, who got mauled by a bear and was left for dead. His methods of survival included resorting to sleeping inside animal carcasses and eating raw slabs of bison liver - feats that DiCaprio actually performed in the name of method acting, giving the scenes a startling sense of realism. If you're out camping and the outdoors seem tough to deal with, this is one of those movies you can think about in order to put things into perspective (I applied this method when having problems with my tent this summer).

3. The Martian (2015)

"I don't want to come off as arrogant here, but I'm the greatest botanist on this planet"

An out-of-the-box choice when compared with the other movies on this list, but still a very fitting entry. I went back and forth trying to decide whether I would include space survival films on this list, and ended up drawing the line based on the role of technology in the film's presence - Gravity (2013) wasn't quite enough, because it is "Man Vs. Science/Technology" as much as "Man Vs. Nature", but The Martian is just as 'Man Vs. Nature' as any one of these movies - it just happens to take place on Mars.

Based on a fantastic book by Andy Weir, The Martian follows an astronaut who gets stranded on Mars and learns to survive there. While the premise seems very sci-fi and out there, the crazy thing about the story is that it is, in its own way, incredibly realistic. The cinematic adaptation is loyal to its source material, in which Weir does an incredible amount of work building the plot so that everything is based on actual science. As crazy as it sounds, everything in this stranded-on-Mars story could actually happen once space travel to that distance becomes possible. Main character Mark Watney's (Matt Damon) methods of receiving oxygen, getting food and water, and eventually making contact with Earth, are all grounded in very real and carefully calculated science, making this survival film into quite a mind-blower.

2. Cast Away (2000)

"We live and we die by time, and we must not commit the sin of turning our back on time"

Undoubtedly the ultimate island survival movie, Cast Away really makes you feel the weight of time as main character Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) spends four years stranded on an island in the Pacific Ocean. This in largely due to the fact that so much of the film features just this one man, and that the man is played by Hanks - a 'just put him alone on an island for two hours and he'll keep the viewer entertained' actor of the highest caliber.

While the film has many uplifting moments as we follow Noland overcoming various obstacles with creative solutions, it is also a very gripping viewing experience - the sense of isolation on the island and the deterioration of Noland's mental state come across in a grim manner. The scene where Noland stands on the shore of the island, sees a flickering light in the far distance, and desperately tries to shout and send a signal even though he knows the source of the light is too far away to notice him, is one of the more haunting and powerful moments in cinema.

1. 127 Hours (2010)

"This rock has been waiting for me my entire life"

The reason why I have 127 Hours in first place is the same reason why I wouldn't recommend this movie to the faint of heart: it's just so real. None of the films on this list feel quite as real as this one. As a combination of James Franco's believable performance, Danny Boyle's intense directing and the chaotic atmosphere of plentiful flashbacks and hallucinations as Aron Ralston's (Franco) situation deteriorates, the movie manages to do what every man vs. nature survival movie strives for: it makes the viewer feel as if they're in the situation themselves. The movie gets to you, as you get inside the main character's head and see the story unfold through his experience, which makes 127 Hours into a (hard-to-watch) masterpiece.

If you're not familiar with the story, it's about a mountain climber who gets trapped under a boulder and must figure out a way to survive. It's based on a true story, which I most certainly didn't know when watching the film - only when the end credits began with a follow-up on the real Aron Ralston, I realized that this had really happened. That realization made the film feel immensely more powerful, because - well, I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen the movie, but my God, what a tale of survival it is. I don't like it when cinema indulges needlessly in violence and gore, but this film has pretty much the best case for justifying graphic violence that I've ever come across: it really adds to the movie's feeling of emphasizing with the main character and seeing the journey through his eyes. And, when all is said and done, the movie is more inspiring than it is horrifying.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I celebrate the 45-year anniversary of The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976) by ranking the top 5 traditional (and top 5 unconventional) westerns!

Top 10 Guilty Pleasure Movies

Greetings, reader!

The idea for this post came from my friend Julius - the actual term used in the suggestion for this list was the Finnish term "Hömppä leffa", and I had trouble coming up with an exact translation - I suppose "Top 10 best bad movies", or maybe "Top 10 guilty pleasure movies", does the trick. Basically, the idea is that these are movies that aren't very good by any conventional metrics, but that I enjoy watching nonetheless. High on entertainment value, low on cinematic value. Since it's difficult to completely separate my subjective opinions from how well-made a movie is, as the two often go somewhat hand in hand, I lent a hand from popular opinion: a movie has to have less than 6.5 on IMDB in order to qualify. Let's get started!

Here are my honorable mentions: Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Godzilla Raids Again (1955), Jurassic Park III (2001), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006).

10. Snakes on a Plane (2006)

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Snakes on a Plane is not only the title of this cult classic, but very much a thorough synopsis of the film's plot in all its complexity. The depth of the movie begins and ends with "Samuel Jackson is on a plane that has a bunch of snakes on it", and that's about all it needs. The horror element isn't really scary, the survival element never feels all that intense, and the characters are very one-dimensional, but hey, what would you expect from a film carrying this title? Sam Jackson is entertaining as always, and the film's attempted serious parts make for good unintended comedy. The highlight of this film is the legendary line quoted above, as that alone makes this b-class thriller very much worth watching.

9. Fantastic Four (2005)

"Flame on!"

A relic from the time when superhero movies, for better or for worse, didn't try half as hard as they to today. Fantastic Four is no The Dark Knight (2008) nor an Iron Man (2008) - in fact, it's not even an Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) to be honest - but it's weirdly fun when not taken seriously at all. What separates this film from its much, much less enjoyable sequel is the fact that beneath all of the clichés and laziness, this movie has heart. As much as it relies on unoriginal tropes in its story and dialogue, Fantastic Four wins you over by making its characters likable (if extremely one-dimensional) and having some awesome fist-pump-worthy moments.

The main villain, Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon), is a perfect compilation of every supervillain cliché in the book. Following our cheesy group of heroes going up against him is a delight, especially in the climactic fight sequence - you'll roll your eyes but simultaneously smile at just how many times the film can repeat the "everyone is about to die until one of the heroes swoops in dramatically to save everyone at the last second" rigamarole in one long action sequence.

8. Terminator Genisys (2015)

"I'm not a man, not a machine...I'm more!"

The first two Terminator films are class cinema. The third one, while flawed, isn't quite cruddy enough to qualify for this list, whereas the fourth one is too bad for this list as there is no real pleasure to watching it. But the fifth one? Right in the sweet spot.

The plot of Terminator Genisys twists and turns the franchise's convoluted time travel element so much that nothing makes sense anymore, but the results are fun to watch. Director Alan Taylor does a decent job with the big-budget action sequences, and having Arnold Schwarzenegger back in the title role is a blast. Awesome actors like Emilia Clarke and Jason Clarke (oddly enough not related, even though they share a last name and play mother and son in the film) star along with Arnold, and while they're far from their A-game, they still bring an entertaining presence to the film. All in all, I find Genisys to be a thrilling action flick devoid of any real logic in its story.

7. American Pie Presents: Girls' Rules (2020)

First off, nothing against all-female reboots. I was scared that I was being unknowingly sexist when I didn't like the gender-reversed Ghostbusters (2016) one bit, but I got a sigh of relief when I watched Ocean's Eight (2018), loved it, and therefore realized that the Ghostbusters remake was just a terrible film. When I found out about a new, female-lead American Pie spinoff, I was excited to see it and wasn't disappointed. Mind you, Girls' Rules is definitely the sort of D-class cinema that all the American Pie spinoffs belong to - but it's entertaining and fun as hell.

The plot isn't thought through very well, many of the jokes are extremely lazy, and every cliché in the high-school-party-movie book can be found. There are even elements that should piss off any fan of the franchise, as classic soundtrack pieces like James's Laid as well as the character Jim's Dad (Eugene Levy) are woefully omitted - but at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. This movie does what this movie does and the end result is a bunch of fun. Even if it doesn't feature many of the concrete elements that unify the rest of the American Pie films, it very much dwells in the same spirit of youthful partying and sex-comedy shenanigans. Don't take it too seriously, and you'll find yourself enjoying this film way more than most of the spinoffs (even if it pales in comparison to the films with the original cast).

6. The Knight Before Christmas (2019)

"Mm. Well, I'm sorry"

"No, don't be. He turned out to be, as the kids say, a real douche"

"I see. Well, umm, while you fetch the douche's garments, might I inquire as to a tub and a cauldron so that I can boil some water for a bath?"

Really, I could've included any number of Netflix original Christmas movies on this list. But if I have to choose one to represent these guilty-pleasure films of the milk-and-cookies variety, it has to be the silly and charming The Knight Before Christmas. The film is unapologetically filled with rom-com and holiday movie clichés, with its time travel aspect helping it stick out from the midst of tens and tens of otherwise completely similar movies.

As much as I would like to laugh at the film's tropes and less-than-flattering dialogue, at the end of the day I'm enough of a romantic (and enough of a Christmas person) that the feel-good aspect of such films have a stronger impact than their generic writing and hasty production value. Not a stone-cold Christmas classic, but quite a perfect film to put on the background on Christmas Day if you're too tired to use your brain capacity for anything more substantial.

5. Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)

"Dude, that goalie was pissed about something"

It's ridiculous. It's way over the top. It's filled with cringe-worthy dialogue and gory violence. So, yeah, I'd say the crossover between classic slasher franchises Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday The 13th is everything people were expecting and everything I wanted it to be. If you feel like conventional quality cinema with sharp production values and sense-making writing, then maybe don't watch Freddy Vs. Jason. But if you like slasher films, ambitious crossovers and sheer entertainment, this makes for the perfect turn-off-your-brain Friday night viewing.

The first half of the film focuses on bringing the two iconic villains together as they team up to kill a bunch of teenagers together. Then, they turn against each other, which only ups the ante on the film's immense entertainment value as their lengthy fight sequence is absolutely thrilling. The dynamic between the two title characters is bizarre but oddly great, as the contrast between Freddy Krueger with his constant zingers and Jason Voorhees who hasn't spoken a word in 12 movies is quite illuminating. It's all good fun when not taken one bit seriously!

4. The World is Not Enough (1999)

"I thought Christmas only comes once a year"

It was simply inevitable that a James Bond film would end up on this list - a huge portion of the franchise falls more or less into the "guilty pleasure" category. Of course, the best Bond movies were out of the question as there is nothing guilty about enjoying Goldeneye (1995) or Casino Royale (2006), but I also had to count out the worst ones, as there is no real pleasure to watching the likes of Moonraker (1979) or Die Another Day (2002). After a lot of deliberation, I came to the result that Pierce Brosnan's third 007 outing The World is Not Enough has the franchise's best guilty-to-pleasure ratio.

With its over-the-top chase sequences and recycled Bond movie tropes, this flick definitely isn't good enough to be taken seriously. But, with its mildly-well-directed action sequences and Pierce Brosnan charm, it isn't a drag to watch either. The World is Not Enough is in many ways one of the most tongue-in-cheek Bond films, as the filmmakers were so self-aware of the franchise's occasional absurdity that they started to veer on the edge of self-parody. The best example of this (and of the film's overall reasons to be on today's list) is the film's secondary Bond girl - a skimpy-clothed nuclear scientist, played by supermodel Denise Richards, named Dr. Christmas Jones. What a franchise.

3. 2012 (2009)

"What is that?"

"The state of Hawaii"

"That's not good"

There's something strangely cathartic about watching this apocalypse thriller. For an end-of-the-world film, it's not realistic or dark enough to feel as depressing and haunting as a well-made end-of-the-world film would. The one cinematic aspect that the film nails, however, is its visual effects, and thus its apocalypse looks startlingly real while not feeling real, as the viewer is awed by the grand-scale imagery of buildings and land areas collapsing all around. As wrong as this sounds, 2012 makes for a film where one can just sit back and enjoy as everything falls apart and the main characters struggle to survive.

It's not like there should be any pleasure in watching such things, but again, I must stress the fact that the movie simply isn't good enough to feel serious and therefore intense. The film's poor writing makes the dramatic stakes feel non-existent, and therefore it is oddly entertaining to watch the visually impressive apocalypse take place. The film even has a surprisingly feel-good ending when considering its cataclysmic premise!

2. Epic Movie (2007)

"Holy shit, a talking beaver!"

To be honest, most of the films from the loosely defined franchise of parody films with "Movie" in the title could've made it onto this list - except for Date Movie (2006) which is just bad, and Scary Movie (2000) which is so hilarious that I consider it to be a quality comedy film. When looking at the balance of good and bad that this list is all about, Epic Movie is at the very epicenter. This may not be the common opinion, as the film's staggering 2.4 rating on IMDB indicates that most people consider it to be just plain terrible. But not this guy.

As unapologetically lazy and crude as the film's humor is, I can't help finding it funny as hell. Not all of it, but quite a large chunk. It's not particularly intelligent or layered humor, but it works in all simplicity. I fondly remember watching The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005) for the first time with my family, and after my parents had gone to sleep, perfecting the double feature by watching Epic Movie (which mainly parodies the aforementioned Narnia flick) with my brother. There's an inexplicable soft spot in my heart for this strange, low-budget E-class spoof where four siblings travel to Gnarnia and team up with unlikely heroes such as Aslo the lion, played by the late great Fred Willard in his most embarrassing role.

1. Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)

"Percy, take this to defend yourself. It's a powerful weapon. Guard it well. Only use it in times of severe distress"

"This is a pen. This. Is. A. PEN."

I have spent a great deal of time trying to analyze just why I enjoy this film, as it seems to defy all logic. I'm fine with film adaptations that take creative liberties from their source material as long as its done in good taste (The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter et cetera), but I generally hate it when a cinematic adaptation fails to capture the essence of the book it's based on and feels nothing like it (just look at Eragon's placement on my list of the worst movies ever). And, on paper (and according to most fans), Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is exactly in the same boat as Eragon. But I don't see it that way. I wholeheartedly admit that the film butchers many of the characters, doesn't capture the book's intense and magical atmosphere, and treats the story recklessly - but for whatever reasons, I've watched it several times and enjoyed every viewing.

It's not the adaptation that Rick Riordan's brilliant book deserves. It hardly seems like the same world. But whatever world this film takes place in is quite awesome in its own, strange way. Inexplicable choices, like casting Steve Coogan as Hades or having Lady Gaga's Poker Face rock the soundtrack in the Lotus casino sequence, make the film feel less suspenseful and less epic than its source material, but they make for weirdly fascinating and thrilling entertainment. For whatever reason, I enjoy the film's signature atmosphere in all of its flaws, not to mention the few actually great elements (casting the fantastic Logan Lerman in the lead role, and, well, that's about it). I don't have a huge deal of respect for this film, but I do like it.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week for a post that my Uncle Dan recommended: the top 10 Man Vs. Nature survival movies!

Screw It, I'm Talking About Soccer Today: Top 10 Likeliest Teams to Win the 2021 Euros

Hello, readers!

Sorry to drop the ball on my movie buff leaders like this, but in my defense: this is a movie&TV blog, and the 2021 UEFA European Championship is a series of events broadcast on television, so you can think of it as a high-stakes once-every-four-years reality TV series. Hey, I don't make the rules. Offending you was never my goal. (All five puns were intended).

Anyways, the Euro 2021 competition begins tomorrow, so I have listed my ranking of the ten likeliest teams to win the whole thing. Because this is based on likeliness and not personal hopes, I will give a special shout-out to the team I most want to win - my native Finland, who are in the tournament for the very first time! Here's hoping that the Huuhkajat have a great tournament.

Here are my honorable mentions: Austria, Poland, Russia, Switzerland, Turkey.

10. Italy

For a team that has one of the brightest histories in the world of football, Italy isn't exactly at its strongest at the moment - they famously failed to qualify for the previous World Cup, held in 2018. Still, a lot can change in three years. While Italy's squad still doesn't look like a humongous favorite to win the tournament, they definitely have a fair shot of making it far - veterans like Giorgio Chiellini and Leonardo Bonucci are still headlining their defense (possibly for the last time), while the fresh and extremely promising Gianluigi Donnarumma is looking to keep up the tradition of Italian goalkeepers named Gianluigi.

Further up the field, they've got midfielders like Marco Verratti and Jorginho, who have had fantastic seasons in Paris Saint-Germain and Chelsea FC, respectively. The team's star man, striker Ciro Immobile, is undoubtedly the biggest hope that the Italian fans are hanging on to - if he delivers, the team could be in for a tournament that redeems their qualification debacle of 2018.

9. Croatia

I mean, they made it to the final of the World Cup three years ago, so you know there's potential in the Croatia team. I'm still only ranking them ninth, as their journey to the final was seen as a huge underdog story and those often don't get repeated the next time around. Still, the team they're sending to the 2021 Euros is largely as impressive as the team they sent to Russia in 2018, so who's to say that they won't pull off another class performance?

It's hard to take an objective look at this team, captained by one of my all-time favorite players, Luka Modric. But, personal feelings aside, Modric's performance with Real Madrid this season shows that he's still got it at the age of 35. Backed by old partners-in-crime Dejan Lovren and Domagoj Vida in the defence, and playing the ball up to seasoned forwards such as Hoffenheim's Andrej Kramaric and Inter's Ivan Perisic, midfield engine Modric certainly isn't in this fight alone.

8. Spain

While Spain was undoubtedly one of the greatest sides ever seen in international football between 2008 and 2012, that era seems to be largely over - the legends of that era have largely retired from playing entirely (Xavi, Casillas, Torres), or at the very least retired from their international team while still maintaining their professional careers (Iniesta, Silva, Fabregas). Even Sergio Ramos, who is still going strong and has acted as the international team's captain for years, was bizarrely left out the country's 24-man squad for the tournament.

Naturally, the goal of manager Luis Enrique has been to replace the former legends with a fresh new generation. And while some of the newer Spain internationals definitely have vast talent and potential, I don't see the current squad as quite competent enough to win these Euros, while they certainly have a good chance of making it quite far. If Liverpool's Thiago Alcantara and Barcelona's Pedri bring their A-game to the midfield and coach Enrique finds a good balance between playing slightly-past-their-prime legends and fresh-faced youngsters, La Roja will certainly be one of the tougher sides to beat.

7. Denmark

I know, I know. On paper, putting a country like Denmark ahead of footballing giants like Italy and Spain might seem ludicrous. But when looking at the players each country has at hand right now, the form they've been in, and what they seem capable of as a team, I'm standing my ground on this one. Kasper Schmeichel, son of legendary Peter Schmeichel (hero of the 1992 Euros, which remains Denmark's only European Championship victory), was arguably the Premier League's best goalkeeper in the 2020/21 season - like father, like son?

And Schmeichel is far from being the only Dane to have been on the form of their life in the past season. Andreas Christensen was an instrumental part of the solid defense line that earned Chelsea their Champions League trophy, Pierre-Emil Hojberg was one of the best players in an otherwise struggling Tottenham side throughout the season, Christian Eriksen helped Inter end Juventus's 9-year streak as Italian champions, and Yussuf Poulsen's goalscoring has been a big part of RB Leipzig's tremendous rise over the past few years. Denmark may not be one of the traditional football giants, but when you look at a surprising amount of top teams in current European football, there's a Danish face among their top tier players. I can only imagine the scenes once they all come together to try their best at a repeat of the country's 1992 cinderella story.

6. Netherlands

My first draft of this list had the Netherlands at fourth place. Once I learned that Virgil van Dijk will miss the Euros due to injury, the team went down to sixth - that's how big of an impact there is when you lose the world's best center-back. Just look at the season his club Liverpool just had - sure, there were plenty of other problems, but largely the same squad managed by same manager did so much worse than in the preceding seasons, with Van Dijk's absence generally seen as the largest individual reason for this decline.

Still, even without their main man, Netherlands has a strong defense - I haven't personally seen any Serie A games from the 2020/21 season, but according to all statistics and analyses I've seen, Inter's Stefan de Vrij and Juventus's Matthijs de Ligt have been among the very best defenders in the Italian league this year. With class players like Gini Wijnaldum and Frenkie de Jong rocking the midfield, not to mention Lyon's star-man Memphis Depay up front, the Dutch team seems to have a fair shot even without Big Virg in the mix.

5. England

Definitely the toughest one to place on the list. There are so many variables - my subjective feelings and emotional investment towards my favorite international team (excluding my home countries), the year-after-year contrast of England always having one of the most promising teams yet never quite living up to the promise and winning major trophies, and manager Gareth Southgate's history of questionable squad decisions. On paper, England has roughly the best or second-best list of players in Europe. But they're England. The team is cursed. I've seen too much to believe that they'd actually win the tournament, no matter how much I'd hope for it to happen.

They still make my top five, because my God, what a squad it is. Manchester City's John Stones and Kyle Walker, along with Manchester United's Harry Maguire and Luke Shaw, rocking the back line. World class youngsters such as Chelsea's Mason Mount, West Ham's Declan Rice and Manchester City's Phil Foden dominating the midfield. The seasoned expertise of team captain Harry Kane, supported by an array of talented wingers from Rashford to Grealish, frightening the defense of any team they face. Here's hoping the Three Lions prove my cynicism wrong.

4. Germany

Whereas Spain is drifting quite far from the side that won them two consecutive European Championships and a World Cup in between them, Germany has less weight-of-time on their side - only seven years have passed from their 2014 World Cup triumph. Many of the heroes from that tournament all still going strong - team captain Manuel Neuer is arguably still the best goalkeeper in the world, Mats Hummels remains an elite-level defender, and big-game-hero Thomas Müller continues to commit wonders in Bayern Munich.

As for those legends of the 2014 triumph who aren't in the squad anymore, Joachim Löw (who I'm pretty sure has been Germany's head coach since the dawn of time) sure has done his best to replace them with equally impressive young talent. Midfield maestros Joshua Kimmich and Leon Goretzka have been a major part of Bayern Munich's glory in recent years, while center-back Antonio Rudiger and forwards Kai Havertz & Timo Werner were all important pieces to the puzzle of how Chelsea FC worked their way to a thoroughly unforeseen Champions League victory. I'll be surprised if this side doesn't reach the semi-finals at the very least.

3. Belgium

"Maybe this will finally be Belgium's year" is a phrase heard in our family before every World Cup and European Championship, with a bit more hope and realism than the similar phrase carries with England. We're sympathetic to the Belgian team, due to our close family friends from Belgium and because the country has a selection of awesome players in their lines. The entire 2010's seemed like a golden age for the team, as their squad became more and more filled with world-class talent, yet they still haven't clinched an ultimate victory in either tournament. But this upward momentum might still be going on, as their bronze medal from the 2018 World Cup and their mixture of well-experienced football greats and promising young talent (keep your eye on Leicester City's Youri Tielemans in the tournament) may indicate.

Many of the players who started to lift Belgium towards greatness throughout the previous decade are still in their prime - Manchester City's midfield maestro Kevin De Bruyne, Real Madrid's ace goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois and Inter's recently-Italian-league-title-winning MVP Romelu Lukaku come to mind. A big variable in the country's chances to succeed is Eden Hazard, who was at the top of the world for a few years, but has been on upsetting form ever since he transferred to Real Madrid in 2019. If Hazard manages to tap into the talent he's capable of at his best, we're looking at an elite-tier dribbler who might do wonders for the team's tournament-winning chances - a real hazard to the opposing defenders, as it were.

2. France

The reigning world champions actually seem to have more going on for them than they did in the 2018 World Cup. Back then, world-class striker Karim Benzema was still banned from the international team, but now, he's back. Back then, Kylian Mbappe was an 18-year-old wonder kid just making his way into common knowledge, but now, he's a household name due to remaining one of the world's best players ever since then.

Other than that, things are largely the same for France as they were in 2018 - if it ain't broke, why fix it? Didier Deschamps seems to be the perfect coach for the team, the momentum seems positive as for once there doesn't appear to be a huge corruption scandal involving the team (a part of me almost misses this tradition), and the squad is stacked with names like Paul Pogba, Hugo Lloris and Antoine Griezmann - not to mention actual superhero N'Golo Kanté, who was somehow the best defender, best midfielder and best forward of Chelsea's victorious Champions League campaign, due to his unparalleled talent to cover every inch of the pitch during crucial games. I have France at second place on my list, but don't take that to mean that I'll be one bit surprised if they end up winning the tournament.

1. Portugal

Lord, I hope I'm wrong about this one. Nothing against the country, nothing against the fans, but definitely something against the team unless they've radically changed their way of playing from the 2016 Euros. It was appalling to see a team with such poor sportsmanship ravage their way through the tournament, whether it was a masterclass in diving and unnecessarily whining to referees when fouls didn't occur, or doing absolutely everything in their power to waste time and not play a second of actual f**king football whenever they were ahead.

That being said, I'm definitely betting that Portugal will win this tournament - at least their squad has changed a lot from 2016 and includes a lot of players who seem like good sports in their professional careers, so here's hoping that if they win, they do it properly this time.

Why do I see them as the likeliest winners, you ask? Well, in addition to the fact that they are reigning European Champions and this was achieved under the same manager and with many of the same players, there's the fact that the current squad is absolutely insane. They've got Wolverhampton's Rui Patricio as a solid goalkeeper, and he might not have a whole lot of work to do in the tournament if the line of defenders live up to their potential - there's Premier League Player of the Year Ruben Dias, also-instrumental-to-Manchester-City's-Premier-League-Win right-back Joao Cancelo, and 38-year-old veteran Pepe joining his national team for one last ride.

Moving on to midfield, Bruno Fernandes more or less carried Manchester United to 2nd place in the Premier League this past season, proving to be one of the best midfielders in the current world. And Bruno's unique situation-creating will really come into its own when the players he's passing the ball to include the likes of Atletico Madrid's star-man Joao Felix, Liverpool's brilliant signing Diogo Jota, and of course, the main reason for why Portugal will win this tournament - Cristiano Ronaldo. For better or for worse, the 36-year-old living legend remains one of the very best in the world even when slightly past his peak. These will probably be his last Euros, adding to his motivation to give his everything.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I fulfil a friend's request by posting a list of my Top 10 Guilty Pleasure Movies.

Ranking Every Episode Of Twin Peaks (No, Really)

 My (b)log has a message for you.

Next week marks the 30th anniversary of my all-time favorite series Twin Peaks (1990-1991; 2017) airing the final episode of its original run. And, since I had time on my hands, I decided to celebrate by ranking all 48 episodes of the original run as well as the return season from 2017. This was quite the job.

SPOILER ALERT: This post is aimed at people who have seen the series, so there are spoilers ahead.

48. The Black Widow (Season 2, Episode 12)

I don't hate the middle part of season 2 (a.k.a. the part where David Lynch wasn't involved in the writing) like many fans do - I find the concept of following the characters after the point where a series would've usually ended (Season 2 episode 9) quite fascinating and out-of-the-box. That being said, those episodes are significantly weaker than most of the series, as Lynch's absence is especially notable in episodes like this one - I usually love the more absurd storylines in Twin Peaks, but stuff like Nadine (Wendy Robie) joining the school wrestling team is too ridiculous even for me.

47. Slaves and Masters (Season 2, Episode 15)

Another episode from the second season's middle slump. The episode rises above the previously mentioned one due to the big reveal that Josie Packard (Joan Chen) was the one who shot Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) in the season 1 finale. Other than that, the episode is mainly focused on the weaker storylines from the time when Lynch was missing in action.

46. Masked Ball (Season 2, Episode 11)

Between James's (James Marshall) pointless leaving-town-subplot and Nadine's insomnia hijinks, this episode is mostly quite forgettable. It is however salvaged by the introduction of wonderful recurring character Denise (David Duchovny), which is surprisingly wholesome - not many TV shows in 1990 were willing to include a trans character, especially one who isn't the butt of a joke but rather a positive representation of a vastly under-represented community. Peaks truly was ahead of its time.

45. Wounds and Scars (Season 2, Episode 17)

Largely considered to be the last episode of the season 2 slump, right before the series got a whole lot better towards the end, Wounds And Scars is a mixed bag. On one hand, many of the problems from the previous episodes are still present. But on the other hand, we begin our build-up towards season 2's fantastic ending as we're introduced to Cooper's love interest Annie (Heather Graham), and Michael Ontkean provides his best performance in the role of Harry Truman, as he mourns in the aftermath of his secret lover Josie's death.

44. Laura Is the One (The Return, Episode 10)

One of the very few episodes from 2017's The Return that aren't absolutely amazing. Laura is the One isn't bad, but it doesn't have any of the revival season's biggest strengths going on. There are well-directed moments of psychological horror, but overall the episode falls a bit flat, especially when compared to its counterparts in this magnificent season.

43. The Man Behind the Glass (Season 2, Episode 3)

There's nothing super-special about The Man Behind the Glass, but there's nothing especially wrong with it either. It's classic Twin Peaks. There are no legendary moments, but there is a lot of mystery and amusement as the story progresses and builds towards better things. A solid piece in the puzzle, but nothing mind-blowing.

42. Laura's Secret Diary (Season 2, Episode 4)

Many of the aspects from the episode above this one apply to its successor, but Laura's Secret Diary has the bonus of feeling a bit more Lynchian - between the experimental opening sequence and the fascinating mystery dialogue in Leland Palmer's (Ray Wise) storyline, the episode isn't quite as "basic" as its predecessor, while still being a bit forgettable by Twin Peaks standards.

41. Let's Rock (The Return, Episode 12)

This divisive episode from The Return is so polarizing that it even divided my own opinions - I can't decide whether or not I liked the way Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) was brought back. On one hand, it's fantastic to see the iconic character again after I had lost all hope of seeing her in the revival. On the other hand, the way she's brought back is depressing and a bit too cryptic even for this series. Then again, that was just what Lynch was undoubtedly going for as he wanted to make a statement about fan service. These things are difficult.

40. Double Play (Season 2, Episode 14)

One of the episodes to rise from the infamous season 2 slump to the level of decent Twin Peaks, due to having some very strong elements - with this episode, it's specifically the scene where Cooper opens up to Sheriff Truman about his past with former colleague and present villain Windom Earle (Kenneth Welsh). The scene is very well-acted by MacLachlan, and it furthered my emotional investment in my all-time favorite fictional character even more.

39. Case Files (The Return, Episode 5)

By Twin Peaks: The Return standards, this episode is a bit lame. By television standards, it's pretty awesome. While the episode is a bit too heavy on the Dougie Jones (Kyle MacLachlan) storyline, it does bring some great moments with it, such as Dale Cooper's soul starting to awaken from Jones's body when he hears the word "Coffee" and repeats it in a loving manner. The storyline of Mr. C (Also Kyle MacLachlan) disrupting the prison security system is also quite intriguing.

38. Checkmate (Season 2, Episode 13)

For much of Checkmate's duration, it's a classic slump-era episode, with many low-stakes subplots that have stretched a bit too far. But then it hits us with that double-cliffhanger in the two final scenes that gave me hope for the rest of the season and made me want to see the next episode immediately. Leo Johnson (Eric DaRe) awakening from his coma and Windom Earle announcing that he's in Twin Peaks through a gruesome message are two hellishly creepy and exciting moments to end the episode on.

37. Dispute Between Brothers (Season 2, Episode 10)

On one hand, I shouldn't like this episode because it is responsible for beginning season 2's string of very below-average episodes. On the other hand, the problems of "the slump" aren't evident yet at this point, and I found the direction that the series took to be extremely cool at first. The season (and series) could've ended on the ultra-climactic previous episode, but instead they kept going. We follow the aftermath of Leland Palmer's reveal as the killer (sort of) and his subsequent death, and we see a lot of stuff we'd never see in another series (the characters simply chilling and going on with their lives after the main story is done for the time being). I have to give points to this episode for its sheer creativity.

36. On the Wings of Love (Season 2, Episode 18)

The final five episodes of season 2 are pretty great, with the slump being over and each episode being better than the last. This begins with On the Wings of Love, a much-needed breath of fresh air. Cooper's romance with Annie starts to take off, leading to some very wholesome moments, but the larger mysteries of the series also start to rear their head as Cooper and the Sheriff's Department explore the strange Owl Cave, thus raising the story's stakes back up to the proper level leading towards the end of the season.

35. The Condemned Woman (Season 2, Episode 16)

The hands-down best episode from the subpar batch of episodes #10 - #17 in season 2. While it does suffer from the same issues as its counterparts (seriously, there are many uninteresting subplots going on at this point), it gains a lot from featuring the well-built climax to Josie Packard's storyline. While she wasn't the most likable character, her death is quite heartbreaking, if only because the viewer knows how much the very likable Sheriff Truman cared for her. The psychedelic doorknob imagery at the end of the episode is also the most Lynchian thing to come from the episodes that weren't written by Lynch.

34. The One-Armed Man (Season 1, Episode 5)

The least good episode of the short but sweet first season is ranked this high, proving just how solid the debut season is. While it has the least amount of addictive Lynchian psychedelia and legendary moments in any season 1 episode, it still has its share - the epic and larger-than-life lore concerning one-armed shoe salesman MIKE (Al Strobel) and his evil counterpart BOB (Frank Silva) deepens, Lynch's deconstruction of the soap opera genre escalates, and most important of all, we get the first appearance of the one of the show's greatest characters - the hard-of-hearing FBI boss Gordon Cole, played by David Lynch himself.

33. Don't Die (The Return, Episode 6)

For the most part, this is one of those early The Return episodes that are so focused on gradually building up the various storylines and mysteries that it feels disjointed and hard-to-follow (this is hardly a complaint, as the payoffs this storytelling leads to are so amazing that it's completely worth it). But one thing really makes Don't Die stand out: we meet Diane (Laura Dern) for the first time. It feels epic to actually see the person who Cooper was always talking to throughout the show's original run, and it's made all the more grandiose by the fact that Lynch's frequent collaborator (and one of my favorite actresses) Laura Dern is playing the part.

32. Variations on Relations (Season 2, Episode 19)

The fourth-last episode of season 2 hits an impressive balance. On one hand, it builds up towards the original run's climax brilliantly, as various characters are deciphering various mysteries from Catherine Martell's (Piper Laurie) puzzle box to the strange symbols in Owl Cave. On the other hand, this is our last blast of pure fun before the last episodes got dark and intense. Gordon Cole flirting with Shelly (Mädchen Amick) in the Double R Diner is one of the funniest and sweetest scenes in television history, and something desperately needed to balance out the incoming darkness.

31. Demons (Season 2, Episode 6)

This is "calm before the storm" personified. The episode after this one would go on to reveal Laura Palmer's killer and change television as we know it for good. The feeling of "Something big is about to happen" is not only present throughout episode 7 of the second season, but already in the previous one, Demons. The scene where MIKE talks to Cooper and company about BOB is one of the creepiest and most otherwordly-feeling moments in the series, as the lore of the show's supernatural side feels more fascinating than ever. Also, there are some delicious Gordon Cole moments.

30. This Is the Chair (The Return, Episode 9)

The storyline where Bobby Briggs (Dana Ashbrook), Frank Truman (Robert Forster) and Hawk (Michael Horse) follow a trail of clues left behind by Bobby's late father Major Garland Briggs (Don S. Davis), is just so extremely cool. It's one of those Twin Peaks storylines where you simply can't explain what is happening and how, but you can't wait to see where it takes the story and just have to appreciate David Lynch for coming up with plots that no one else could create.

29. The Orchid's Curse (Season 2, Episode 5)

"Diane, I am now upside down" is one of the funniest quotes from the extremely quotable Dale Cooper. Furthermore, this episode is the closest thing that Twin Peaks has to an awesome episode from a more normal TV show. The Orchid's Curse isn't all that psychedelic or artistic, but it's an intense and action-packed adventure. The main storyline is that of Cooper and the Sheriff's department rescuing Audrey from One-Eyed Jack's, and it's very exciting to follow. Hawk even gets his big moment of heroism as he defuses a dire situation at the last minute.

28. What Story is That, Charlie? (The Return, Episode 13)

The Return's main villain, Mr. C (also known as Cooper's evil doppelgänger who is possessed by BOB) arm-wrestling a gang leader in order to get vital information is just so David Lynch. It's like a video game side-quest if video games were strange fever dreams. Also, The Return's element of ending each episode with a musical performance at The Roadhouse gets its most epic usage, as the episode ends with the character James Hurley performing the same song he performed to Donna (Lara Flynn Boyle) and Maddy (Sheryl Lee) back during the show's original run. It's a move of sheer mad genius by David Lynch, and something I had hoped would happen but never dared to believe until I saw it for myself.

27. Realization Time (Season 1, Episode 7)

"Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. It can be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good, hot, black coffee"

Words to live by, Agent Cooper. In addition to this profound wisdom, the second-last episode of season 1 contains a lot of exciting build-up towards the eventful season finale.

26. There's a Body All Right (The Return, Episode 7)

This episode is the point when things start to make sense - as much as they can in the context of Twin Peaks: The Return. For the first six episodes, the different storylines felt extremely disjointed and unconnected, but in this episode, we start to realize the big picture as some explanations are given (in a cryptic, Lynchian way of course) and story threads begin to connect with one another. Gordon Cole, Diane and Albert (Miguel Ferrer) confronting Mr. C in the prison is an especially spine-chilling moment.

25. Coma (Season 2, Episode 2)

While being the co-creator and writer of the whole series, David Lynch only directed six episodes from the show's original run himself (in The Return, he directed all 18 episodes, which is a big part of why The Return is so magnificent). All six Lynch-directed episodes from the first two seasons are pretty great, thus explaining why even the least-good one is so high on my list. Much of the episode feels like standard early Peaks but with an especially mysterious and epic atmosphere, due to Lynch's expert directing. The highlight of the episode is Major Briggs giving Cooper a cryptic message interpreted from deep space probes, which furthers the "The owls are not what they seem" mystery.

24. Rest in Pain (Season 1, Episode 4)

This episode contains great examples of the Twin Peaks holy trinity - there's epic out-of-this-world lore (we find out about the "presence in the woods" and the Bookhouse Boys who keep an eye on it), wild emotionality (Bobby gives a gripping speech at Laura Palmer's funeral) and absurd humor (Cooper has an interaction with a llama). It's all pretty great.

23. Drive with a Dead Girl (Season 2, Episode 8)

Twin Peaks is a lot more than a mere crime drama - but for the crime drama side of the show, it doesn't get much better than Drive with a Dead Girl. Leland Palmer (possessed by BOB) had been revealed as the killer in the previous episode, and would get caught in the next one. Sandwiched between those two classics is this intense episode, where Leland struggles to hide evidence while Cooper and the Sheriff's department start to get closer to the truth. A truly nail-biting piece of the story.

22. Cooper's Dreams (Season 1, Episode 6)

There's so much season 1 madness going on in Cooper's Dreams. Cooper interviews the Log Lady (Catherine E. Coulson), truly one of the show's most fascinating and mysterious characters. Meanwhile, the build-up to the season finale begins as Audrey spies on her father Ben (Richard Beymer) and gets closer to the truth while James, Maddy and Donna start to conduct their own investigation. Shelly also gets one of her greatest moments, as she finally fights back against her abusive husband Leo.

21. The Path to the Black Lodge (Season 2, Episode 20)

Things really start to hit the fan in the third-last episode of the original run. Windom Earle cements himself as one of the show's greatest villains, as he captures Major Briggs and interrogates him about the Owl Cave paintings, revealing much of his mysterious endgame. Meanwhile, the supernatural side of the series becomes more fascinating than ever, as we see the entrance to the much-anticipated Black Lodge, as well as BOB's terrifying return. And so, the table for the last two episodes is set with perfection.

20. We Are Like the Dreamer (The Return, Episode 14)

Twin Peaks on steroids. This memorable episode of The Return manages to cram a lot of amazing stuff into its duration, such as Andy (Harry Goaz) stumbling onto a portal to a place that may or may not be the fabled White Lodge, Gordon Cole having a "Monica Bellucci dream" where the actress plays herself and gives the FBI director a cryptic clue, and the FBI making a big breakthrough in the search for the real Dale Cooper as well as his evil doppelgänger. Man, I love this series.

19. There's Fire Where You Are Going (The Return, Episode 11)

Yet another home run from The Return, this episode is David Lynch at his Lynchiest with all its shenanigans. We get a perfect balance of mind-bending fantasy (Gordon Cole encounters the woodsmen and a portal of theirs), unique and well-directed sequences (the long and uncomfortable shooting scene at the Double R Diner is something only Lynch could do), emotion (The Log Lady's phone call with Hawk is bittersweet) and payoffs full of strange humor (Dougie Jones is about to be killed until the killers find that he has cherry pie and decide to befriend him). Surrealism at its finest.

18. Traces to Nowhere (Season 1, Episode 2)

The second-ever episode of Twin Peaks is a collection of classic moments. The creepier side of the series cements itself in the brilliant sequence where we see BOB for the first time through a reflection in Sarah Palmer's (Grace Zabriskie) vision, but a majority of the episode feels cozy and warm. Angelo Badalamenti's score is heartfelt, and the show's signature atmosphere starts to feel like home. Pete Martell (played by Lynch's go-to character actor Jack Nance) finding a fish in his percolator is undoubtedly one of the most classic examples of Twin Peaks's unique humor. The pilot episode made me fall in love with the series, but this episode proved that it was no mistake.

17. Call for Help (The Return, Episode 3)

The first four episodes of The Return are an ingeniously built puzzle box - you can't quite figure out what's going on, but Lynch leaves so many intriguing clues and addictive story threads in the air that you can't wait to see what's next and how it all will unravel. This is evident as ever in Call for Help, where we are introduced to the notorious Dougie Jones storyline through a bat-shit insane storyline where Cooper seemingly travels between worlds via a purple sea and outer space (Lynch does a brilliant job with the surreal imagery as always). We also see Gordon Cole and Albert Rosenfield for the first time since the original run, which is a warm blast of nostalgia to balance out the weirdness.

16. Miss Twin Peaks (Season 2, Episode 21)

And so we arrive at the penultimate episode of the show's original run. It isn't the most psychedelic, artistic or magical episode of Peaks, but it gains its impressive ranking due to being such a perfect build-up for the finale. Storylines built across several previous episodes start to escalate as season 2's endgame becomes clear: Windom Earle kidnaps Cooper's love interest Annie with the intention of taking her to the Black Lodge. This is one hell of a cliffhanger, and it is executed in a grim and engaging manner. Various subplots also begin to unravel towards their ultimate climax, and the storyline of Andy figuring out the path to the Black Lodge is equal parts amusing and heartfelt.

15. The Stars Turn and a Time Presents Itself (The Return, Episode 2)

After the first episode of The Return confused viewers with its strange and seemingly unconnected narratives, the second episode thankfully provided some answers and clarity. I'm obviously kidding, as episode 2 took the Lynchian step of only furthering the mystery and upping the psychedelia to a maximum. While the episode has moments of humane warmth (such as seeing familiar faces like Shelly and James 25 years after we last saw them), the main focus is in the visually artistic and narratively mind-bending Dale Cooper storyline, as he escapes the Black Lodge after some seriously messed-up encounters. It's all very Lynchian, and quite beautiful in its own way.

14. ...Brings Back Some Memories (The Return, Episode 4)

Bobby Briggs is undoubtedly the most improved TV character of all time. While he had his moments in the original run of the series, he was one of the most annoying and least interesting major characters for a lot of the time, as his douchebag energy and whiny behavior often went too far. In the fourth episode of the revival, we meet a Bobby Briggs who you can hardly recognize as the same man: a gritty and seasoned police officer, with a tough-guy energy but a lot of heart underneath. Briggs's return and improvement was a major win, and the rest of this episode is pretty great as well (whoever decided to cast Michael Cera as Andy & Lucy's (Kimmy Robertson) son deserves a medal).

13. May the Giant Be with You (Season 2, Episode 1)

After the first season ended on eight different cliffhangers (more on that spectacle later), season 2 opened with a bang. All of the cliffhangers are followed up on in a fascinating manner, as we follow the aftermath of the sawmill burning, Cooper getting shot and various other events. The episode has some of the show's most beautiful and emotional moments (such as Ed (Everett McGill) opening up about his love life in a touching monologue), but there is also plenty of room for bizarre Lynch material, as the season premiere features the iconic scene of The Giant (Carel Struycken) giving three cryptic clues to Cooper, including the infamous "The owls are not what they seem".

12. Zen, or the Skill to Catch a Killer (Season 1, Episode 3)

After the two first episodes got me hooked, the third one upped the ante on the Lynchian surrealism and experimental creativity, convincing me that I was watching the possibly greatest television series ever made. The episode is filled with legendary moments, such as Cooper explaining his unusual methods by giving a history lesson on Tibet. The main reason for the episode's status as one of the best is the ending sequence, where Cooper has a bizarre dream that serves as our introduction to the Red Room. Between the presence of otherwordly characters like The Man From Another Place (Michael J. Anderson) and the one-armed MIKE, the backwards-talking sequences, Angelo Badalamenti's trance-like score and the creepy "Fire walk with me" poem, this scene is one of television's most famous sequences for a good reason.

11. There's Some Fear in Letting Go (The Return, Episode 15)

Hands-down one of the most emotional TV episodes ever made. First of all, the episode features the final call between Hawk and The Log Lady, after which she passes away - this is especially moving because the actress who played the role, Catherine Coulson, passed away before The Return aired. The episode is a tribute to her, albeit with a Lynchian twist - while the first episode of the season was dedicated to Coulson, this episode is dedicated to Margaret Lanterman - the real name of the fictional Log Lady character.

Another part of the episode also had me in tears; after defying any sort of conventional fan service and convincing viewers that nothing in the story would go quite as they hoped, Lynch tugged at our heartstrings with a beautiful and thoroughly unexpected payoff - Ed and Norma actually end up together. Their love story had been real and sweet throughout the series, but they had faced so many obstacles that all hope of them getting a happy ending seemed lost - until Lynch became a romantic if just for one magnificent scene, which serves as a perfect send-off for those two characters who deserved the best and got what they deserved.

10. Northwest Passage (Season 1, Episode 1)

The pilot of Twin Peaks is undoubtedly one of the greatest TV pilots ever made. In the 94-minute runtime, we're introduced to the unique town of Twin Peaks, and the show's signature blend of soap opera, philosophical rumination of "What even is a soap opera?", murder mystery, slapstick comedy, exploration of small-town America, supernatural fantasy lore, avant-garde painting come to life and psychedelic fever dream. It features truly unforgettable moments, such as Leland Palmer hearing about her daughter's death and breaking down in tears while Angelo Badalamenti's bittersweet soundtrack wrenches one's heart, and the greatest introduction of a television character of all time, as Dale Cooper rolls into town while recording a message for Diane that immediately made the world fall in love with the guy.

9. My Log Has a Message for You (The Return, Episode 1)

The first episode of The Return barely beats out the first episode of the original run - to fully explain why I appreciate this strange episode so much, I'd need to write an essay or perhaps a series of essays, but I'll try to boil it down to the basics. The balance between nostalgia and playing with nostalgia (throughout The Return, but most of all in this episode) is a work of absolute perfection. It feels extremely different from the old Twin Peaks, which is a smart move as Lynch doesn't want to go for easy fan-service but rather create something unexpected and original - but because a majority of the episode feels so thoroughly different, those few moments that do feel like classic Twin Peaks feel like huge payoff.

I smiled just the widest smile, when over halfway through the episode we heard Angelo Badalamenti's original main theme and saw the familiar view of Twin Peaks after spending a majority of the episode in different locations with different atmospheres. An epic beginning to one of the greatest television seasons ever made.

8. The Last Evening (Season 1, Episode 8)

What's cooler than ending a season on a cliffhanger? Ending a season on eight different cliffhangers, each one more huge than the last. After a lot of build-up on various addictive storylines, the season finale doesn't conclude said stories but rather deepens them into an even further state of intrigue and leaves them wide open - the classic Lynchian move of answering questions by creating more questions.

Packard Sawmill is burned, leaving the fate of Shelly, Catherine and Pete wide open. James is arrested for cocaine possession after Bobby frames him. Audrey goes undercover in a brothel, only to find out to her horror that her first client is her father. Dale Cooper is shot. That's just a few of the cliffhangers in question - this episode is beyond insane, and will leave you with an unprecedented urge to see the next one as soon as possible.

7. Arbitrary Law (Season 2, Episode 9)

The one where Cooper figures out who killed Laura Palmer. Just two episodes after the audience found out that Leland Palmer (possessed by the evil entity BOB) had killed his daughter, television's best FBI agent proved not to be far behind. In what is easily one of the greatest scenes in television history, Dale Cooper gathers all major players involved in the investigation at the Roadhouse and figures out the missing pieces.

If you're expecting a Sherlock Holmes -style reveal where the detective slowly uncovers the facts and thus the logic of the killer, remember what a surreal series this is and think again. To the backdrop of an intense soundscape and the atmosphere of lights flickering like crazy, Cooper is able to tap into the part of his prophetic dream that he couldn't reach beforehand, where Laura Palmer herself tells him who killed her. After this, Leland is arrested and he dies in his cell, with the last scenes feeling so climactic that this absolutely feels like a series finale - which is why it's funny as hell that they just kept going after this with a series of various low-stakes storylines.

6. The Past Dictates the Future (The Return, Episode 17)

Speaking of climactic episodes, this is as close as the Twin Peaks story ever got to a traditional climax. Sure, it's Twin Peaks, so there's plenty of cryptic imagery and unconventional narrative structure to go around, but there's also an impressive amount of story threads actually coming together.

It's amazing to see the main cast all together in the same place - after 16 episodes of Gordon Cole and company travelling around the country, Cooper's soul being stuck in Dougie Jones's body and only a few major characters residing in the title town, this episode saw Cooper, his FBI allies and the major Twin Peaks residents all coming together at the Sheriff's Department to defeat the show's main villain BOB. Or the evil force known as "Jowday" that BOB originated from. Or Cooper's evil doppelgänger who was possessed by BOB. Or the orb that BOB is in. It's all very unclear. Still, this second-last episode of The Return feels like the actual series finale, with Episode 18 being more of a bizarre epilogue (more on that later).

5. Gotta Light? (The Return, Episode 8)

And so we arrive at the hands-down weirdest, strangest, most bizarre episode of television (or piece of any media) that I have ever seen. The way I see it, there are five levels to how strange and experimental David Lynch's works are - level 1 are the select few "mainstream" movies like The Straight Story (1999) and The Elephant Man (1980), level 2 is the run-of-the mill weirdness of Wild At Heart (1990) and the first 2 seasons of Twin Peaks, level 3 is the extreme weirdness of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992) and Mulholland Drive (2001), level 4 is the absolute batshit insanity of Eraserhead (1977) and the other 17 episodes of Twin Peaks: The Return - and level 5 is reserved only for this one episode of The Return, which is beyond all else.

I could write a series of essays, or perhaps a book, just trying to analyze this episode. I won't even get into what I think the episode means in this post, because there is no way to explain my thoughts briefly. What I will say that the visual imagery alone earns Gotta Light? a spot in the TV hall of fame, as Lynch does a breathtaking job creating beautiful and unforgettable scenes that could be framed on one's wall - whether it's the slow zoom into the atomic explosion, the epic majesty of the lighthouse amidst the purple waves or The Woodsman (Played by Abraham Lincoln impersonator Robert Broski because why the hell not) broadcasting his poem at a radio station, everything looks majestic. If you get into the episode's symbolic meanings relating to Twin Peaks lore, it all gets a whole lot more amazing from there. A true work of experimental art at its finest.

4. What Is Your Name? (The Return, Episode 18)

Many people didn't like the last-ever Twin Peaks episode, and I don't blame them. A series doing a semi-conventional climax and then doing one more episode which is a major curveball into everything isn't something you see every day. But for me, this was the perfect way to wrap the story up (or, more accurately, leave it very much unwrapped). IMDB user tommyhawka reviews the episode with the title "David Lynch ignores a simple conclusion and produces a work of art", while user rwicky19 titled their review "Lynched again - a masterpiece", and those titles sum up my feelings.

The episode is extra-cryptic even for the series at hand, which is why it's a fantastic David Lynch move. This episode is for Twin Peaks what Twin Peaks was for the rest of television - something thoroughly new and different, unexpected and inexplicable. The final scene leaves us with such a well-built mystery that is frustrating in the exactly the right way, that I can't help but tip my hat to Lynch for creating an unimaginable finale that is unlike anything anyone could've seen coming.

3. Lonely Souls (Season 2, Episode 7)

My writer's brain was immediately worried about one thing when I started to watch this murder mystery series - how could its conclusion work? Murder mysteries are often great right up until the point where the killer is revealed, because in most cases, it is somewhat anti-climactic because it is just one of the suspects. I can now say that I thoroughly underestimated the genius of Mr. Lynch when having such thoughts - the madman reveals the killer halfway through season 2, and uses this answer to the mystery to create an even larger mystery. From this episode onward, one realizes that the series was never about "Who killed Laura Palmer?", but something much bigger.

The way the reveal happens is also built with perfection. For a string of many scenes, the feeling that something big is about to happen gets gradually larger and larger - from the point where the Log Lady arrives at the station to tell Cooper that there are owls in the roadhouse and Cooper replies "Something is happening, isn't it?", you get the feeling that something large is indeed going on. By the time that Angelo Badalamenti's emotional soundtrack starts to fuse with the song the band in the Roadhouse is performing, and Cooper has a vision of The Giant telling him "It is happening again", the feeling is huge and impalpable. Then we see Leland being possessed by BOB and killing Maddy Ferguson in one of television's most gruesome, horrifying and well-built sequences. "Shocking" doesn't even begin to describe it.

2. No Knock, No Doorbell (The Return, Episode 16)

First and foremost, Twin Peaks (just like most of Lynch's movies) is about one large theme deep down - the light within the dark. Lynch creates worlds filled with grief and violence, and then creates moments of unspeakable beauty and hope, which feel all the more powerful because of the dark context from which they arise. This is evident in his greatest film Blue Velvet (1986), it's evident throughout the original Twin Peaks run, and it is especially evident in the third-last episode of The Return, where we get the greatest payoff in television history.

Like I've mentioned, Dale Cooper is my favorite television character of all time. Kyle MacLachlan plays the unique role with an unparalleled level of positive energy, optimism and childlike enthusiasm that one can't help but fall in love with. And this is why it's so harrowing to watch MacLachlan's role for the first 15 episodes of The Return - instead of getting the return of the Cooper we know and love, MacLachlan plays a double role as two different characters - one is the evil entity BOB posing as Cooper, and the other is the strange character Dougie Jones who was fused with the real Cooper. But, after a hell of a long wait, this magnificent episode brought about the return of the real Dale Cooper, and it is a thing to behold.

From his first lines after getting up from his hospital bed, the viewer knows that this is the man we've been missing. Angelo Badalamenti's original Twin Peaks theme starts to play as the confused Bushnell Mullins (Don Murray) asks "What about the FBI?", to which Cooper respons "I am the FBI", equipped with a warm smile and a thumbs-up. I've re-watched this masterpiece of a scene multiple times on Youtube, and always end up nodding at the top comment that states "I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say this is the greatest moment in human history".

1. Beyond Life And Death (Season 2, Episode 22)

One of my all-time favorite television episodes for a damn good reason. The final episode of the show's original run meets conventional expectations well enough, as we get multiple emotional moments and great conclusions to characters archs. The cliffhanger ending is one for the ages, and I can only imagine what it was like for people who saw this back in 1991 to wait a full 25 years for the follow-up. I'd also like to point out that the episode literally contains the line "I'll see you again in 25 years", in case it wasn't clear that David Lynch is an actual wizard.

But the foremost reason for this being my favorite episode of my favorite series is everything that goes down in the Black Lodge. This larger-than-life location and its Red Room had been teased brilliantly throughout seasons 1 and 2, as every now and then we'd get a glimpse of what goes on there, always in the context of especially epic and meaningful episodes. It was clear for a long time that the Black Lodge was the epitome of the show's lore and the endgame of where things were going. In this finale, Cooper goes into the Black Lodge in an attempt to save the love of his life, Annie, and everything that happens there is norm-defying, mind-bending and astonishing.

The scenery that Lynch creates is artistic and unlike anything else, from the bizarrre characters and odd architecture to the added atmospheric value of backwards dialogue and Badalamenti's psychedelic soundtrack. This episode taps into the very heart of the experimental strangeness and otherwordly epicness that was the core of Twin Peaks, and it is majestic to see how the story dives deeper and deeper into the Lynchian world of interpretational art, madness, and ultimately beauty and hope. God, I love this series.

Thank you for reading - especially if someone took the time to actually read the whole thing, I hugely appreciate it. I'll be back next week with a slightly less ambitious blog - a ranking of the 10 likeliest countries to win the 2021 UEFA European Championship. Hey, it's an event broadcast on television, so it's not "off-topic" for a blog about movies and TV!