Greetings, reader!
As was the case with posts such as 'Ranking every book of the Bible' and 'Ranking every Netflix Original Christmas Movie' - I have once again done something I'm not proud of.
So, this week marked the birthday of my best friend Atte, so I'm celebrating by making this week's post about a topic he's passionate about - fan theories about George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books, on which the series Game of Thrones (2011-2019) is based. For the longest time, I didn't care for the insanely widespread culture of ASOIAF theories, but eventually morbid curiosity and encouragement from my dear friend lead me to watch the 7-hour YouTube video 'Descending the ASOIAF theory iceberg' (if it helps, I watched it at 1.5x speed, while sleep-deprived and over-caffeinated, over the course of two long train rides).
I originally intended to rank every fan theory that can be found, but soon realized how massively I had underestimated the internet - there are hundreds and hundreds of theories out there, with a seemingly infinite combination of people suggested as Jon Snow's true parents, while half of the main characters are secretly Targaryens according to someone. So I singled out the best-known and most-circulated theories, as well as some personal favorites, and narrowed them down to a mere seventy-five. It should also be noted that I haven't exactly ranked the theories from most believable to least believable, but specifically based on how obscure they are - the list starts off with what are really more mainstream interpretations of the books than actual theories, and then it starts to get progressively weirder as I go down into the rabbit hole of what the deep, dark crevices of the internet have come up with.
SPOILER WARNING: I will discuss plot points from all five ASOIAF books, as well as all eight seasons of the Game of Thrones series.
CONTENT WARNING: As the books contain instances of incest, rape and other such topics and they relate to some of the theories, such topics will also be discussed in this post, so please read at your own discretion.
75. Robert Strong is The Mountain
This one barely qualifies as a 'theory', if only to demonstrate the top-of-the-iceberg mainstream interpretations where this all starts off. As Gregor 'The Mountain' Clegane was nearly killed but Maester Qyburn kept him alive with strange experiments, only for Qyburn to later present Cersei with a new champion who can't speak and is called Robert Strong, it's pretty dang obvious that Strong and The Mountain are the same person. But, as this is never explicitly stated in the books, it can be seen as a 'fan theory' of sorts, although it's much closer to just reading between the lines and drawing logical conclusions as should be done with any good book.
74. R+L=J
The most famous and common fan theory that started this whole phenomenon, this suggests that Jon Snow isn't really Ned Stark's son, but rather the secret son of Rhaegar Targaryen an Lyanna Stark, and thus the true heir to the Iron Throne. It was already confirmed true in the TV show, and while it's technically possible that the book would take a different route with Jon's parentage, there's just so much evidence for this mainstream theory that I'll be floored if it isn't the case.
73. Jon will be resurrected
Much like the previous one, this has been speculated by book-readers ever since the fifth book A Dance with Dragons ended with Jon Snow getting stabbed to death, and his inevitable resurrection already happened in the TV show when it went ahead with the story due to the constant delay of Martin releasing the sixth book. It is very likely that it will happen in the books as well, as Jon's role in the wars to come has been teased so much and Red Priestress Melisandre just happens to be residing in the location of Jon's death.
72. Cleganebowl
Still going on with things that book-readers have been speculating since 2011 and that already came true on the TV show, Cleganebowl is the prediction that brothers Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane and Gregor 'The Mountain' Clegane will eventually fight each other to the death, and this will be glorious. It seems extremely likely, as they're on opposite sides of a major conflict, they're among the best fighters in the realm, and their hatred for each other has been teased a lot.
71. The Mad Queen
Yet another already-happened-in-the-TV-show event speculated to happen in the books as well, this theory suggests that Daenerys Targaryen won't end up being the hero we expect, but rather has inherited more from her father The Mad King than we thought, and will eventually reach a point where she 'breaks bad' and must be defeated. Dany definitely showcases more cruelty in her sense of justice and more erratic behavior in each book, and George R. R. Martin generally favors dark twists and subversion of expectations to cliché heroic archs, so it sure isn't a leap to expect this story arch towards the end of the book series as well.
70. Jon is Robb's heir
The books never explicitly state that Robb Stark would've named his (alleged) half-brother Jon Snow as his heir, but he does discuss the possibility of doing so with his mother Catelyn. This theory suggests that Robb did end up doing such paperwork or at least the word of him intending to do so carried on, and this will lead to a resurrected Jon Snow taking over Winterfell from the Boltons and becoming King in the North. Again, this already happened on the show and was a major plot point there, so it's very possible that it's bound to happen in The Winds of Winter if the book ever gets released.
69. Euron Greyjoy killed Balon Greyjoy
Much like the 'Robert Strong is The Mountain' theory, this is just interpreting the text in a logical way, and quite the opposite of the more far-fetched theories out there. Official word is that Balon Greyjoy, King of the Iron Islands, just randomly fell to his death and the power-hungry Euron Greyjoy immediately returned from banishment to claim the Seastone Chair for himself. So it doesn't take a detective genius to reckon that Euron very possibly had something to do with Balon's death.
68. Jaime is the Valonqar
I promise, these theories will get weird and obscure at some point, but we have to start out with all of the basic vanilla ones to illustrate how wonderful the escalation of the theory iceberg is. This very common interpretation has to do with the prophecy a young Cersei Lannister heard from Maggy the Frog, warning her that she'll be brought down by a Valonqar ('Little brother') - most fans agree that this most likely refers to Jaime Lannister, whose redemption arch will be completed with him turning against Cersei and killing her. Interestingly enough, this didn't happen in the TV show, but it's still very much in the cards for the books.
67. Jon Snow is Azor Ahai
There's a lot of lore and speculation surrounding Azor Ahai, the 'Prince that was Promised' who the Lord of Light enthusiasts see as a sort of messiah-figure who will wield the sword Lightbringer and save the world from the Great Other. The most likely scenario is Jon Snow being Azor Ahai, as it almost makes too much sense - the heroic arch that Martin has written for him, his Stark (and possibly Targaryen) heritage and royal claim, his great warrior skills, the interest that Melisandre and other figures have shown towards him - the list goes on.
66. Margaery is the woman from Maggy the Frog's prophecy
Returning to Maggy the Frog's words to a young Cersei, the prophecy also included a warning of a younger, more beautiful Queen who will cast her down. The most obvious interpretation of this is most definitely Margaery Tyrell, whose role in the last few books have been exactly that - she's described as younger and more beautiful than Cersei, and the Tyrells' growing influence causes stress and panic on Cersei's part, as just like the people reading these books, Cersei herself believes Margaery to be the woman from the prophecy, and thus wants very badly to get rid of her.
65. Frey Pie
As an idea, this one sounds a bit far-fetched, but A Dance with Dragons is so full of between-the-lines evidence that doesn't seem coincidential, that it's almost certainly true. In a storyline that never made it to the TV series, Lord Wyman Manderly tells Davos Seaworth how 'The North Remembers' and he will have revenge on the Freys. Sometime later, three Freys who were visiting Manderly's rule in White Harbor go missing. And later in Winterfell, Manderly arrives at a feast hosted by the Boltons and Freys, where he offers them pie and loudly remarks on how good and tasty the pies are.
So, yeah, you do the math.
64. Benjen is Coldhands
With this one, it's very possible that it isn't true in George R. R. Martin's grand scheme of things, but it still ranks low on obscurity-points, as the thought very easily comes to the average reader and it definitely is one possibility. Benjen Stark goes mysteriously missing when ranging beyond the wall in the first book, and Samwell Tarly and company encounter a mysterious elk-riding figure called Coldhands who won't reveal his true identity while roaming north of the wall in the third book. If Coldhands is revealed to be Benjen, I certainly won't be shocked.
63. Aurane is the Lord of Waters
This one is fairly obvious once you've heard the theory and read up on it, but it still isn't among the most mainstream ones because it's so deeply in the details that an average first-time book reader will most likely miss the implication (I for one didn't have the faintest clue of this theory until I encountered it in the iceberg YouTube video). Basically, Master of Ships Aurane Waters goes missing with a big portion of the King's Landing fleet during A Feast for Crows, and sometime later, people in Essos start talking about a new pirate lord called 'The Lord of Waters'. Once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
62. Alleras = Sarella
Yet another one that is almost certainly true, but not quite at the bottom of the list because it does call for some next-level attention to detail from readers to catch it. During the Dorne storyline in the fourth book, we find out that Oberyn Martell's bastard daughter Sarella Sand isn't in Dorne, loves Oldtown, and is interested in learning things. Later in the book, we meet a mysterious Oldtown figure called Alleras. Alleras is Sarella spelled backwards, which is a hellishly odd coincidence, unless Alleras is Sarella in disguise. If you're wondering why the endless swamp of ASOIAF theories goes so deep, it's because Martin loves to hide cryptic and detailed shit like this in his books.
61. The Hound is the Gravedigger
No one seemed to believe that Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane really died when Arya Stark left him for dead in A Storm of Swords. Theories on who might've helped him survive and what his role in the future will be are quite varied, but a very common take is that The Hound is the Gravedigger who Brienne encounters in one of her chapters in A Feast for Crows. The description of the Gravedigger's appearance just sounds like The Hound, down to the half-crippled lurch in how he walks.
60. Jaqen H'Gar is Syrio Forel
This was my gateway into Game of Thrones theories back in the day, as I independently came up with it when following the TV series in my teenage years before finding out that many others have wondered the same thing. I remember lying in my bed one night, thinking about the series, when suddenly it hits me that two different Braavosi swordsmen have bonded with Arya and helped her, the first one's death is only implied but never shown, and the second one can change his face - the idea of them being the same person felt epic and mind-blowing, during this more innocent time before I read up on ASOIAF theories and found out that everyone is secretly everyone according to someone.
59. Tyrion Targaryen
This one is extremely likely not to be true, but it still doesn't rank all that high on obscurity points, because it's a fairly easy theory to come up with if you're into theories, and the notion of Tyrion maybe being a Targaryen has become a popular point of speculation on the internet even though it very likely isn't the case. It's a fun thought to play with, though: it would explain his outsider status in the Lannister family to a whole new level, not to mention giving context and meaning for the implications that Mad King Aerys Targaryen apparently 'took liberties' with Joanna Lannister back in the day.
58. Lyanna was the Knight of the Laughing Tree
In A Storm of Swords, Meera Reed tells Bran the story of the Knight of the Laughing Tree, which is a clear metaphor for the events preceding Robert's Rebellion. One thing left for interpretation, however, is the identity of the Knight of the Laughing Tree, who defended the honor of the crannogmen during the infamous Tourney at Harrenhal. The most common interpretation is that the Knight was Ned Stark's sister Lyanna, and I don't really care enough to read up on the specifics of why this might be disputed, so I'm just buying the words of more well-versed conspiracy theorists who seem very sure about this one.
57. Nightlamp
The line between conventional 'fan theories' (example: Jon Snow is really the son of Elia Martell and Daemon Targaryen. Yes, I just made that one up) and speculation on what will happen in future books (example: I think it would be cool if Euron Greyjoy summoned a kraken in The Winds of Winter) is a bit unclear, as many of the internet's 'theories' are more just guesses on what will happen in the next book. But since these can be seen as a subgenre of theories, I am counting them on my list, and one of the cooler ones is Nightlamp - I won't go into the details here, but you should read up on it, as it is a well-laid-out battle strategy on how a lot of readers think Stannis will defeat the Freys in The Winds of Winter, having caught a lot of foreshadowing and subtle build-up for such a strategy in A Dance with Dragons.
56. Young Griff is a Blackfyre
In one of the biggest storylines that didn't make it into the TV show, A Dance with Dragons introduces us to Young Griff, who is eventually revealed to be Aegon Targaryen, although it is very up-for-speculation if he really is the still-alive Targaryen heir he claims to be, or if he's a politically planted impostor. One theory suggests that Aegon / Young Griff does have Targaryen blood, but that he actually descends from the Blackfyres, the 'bastard offspring' of House Targaryen from the past. Definitely not a sure case, but definitely one of the many possibilities for 'Aegon's' true heritage.
55. The Grand Maester Conspiracy
On some level, this is almost certainly a real thing, but it's the specifics where things get muddled - there are many variations on this theory, and it's unclear how much will be revealed in the two remaining ASOIAF books or whether Martin wants to leave the exact role of the Maesters up for speculation. It's clear that the Maesters have their own (very possible sinister) motives, and it has been implied that they had a role in the dragons going extinct, not to mention the dire warning Samwell gets upon arriving in Oldtown of not telling the archmaesters about his search for information on obsidian and the Others. There's something spooky going on with the Maesters for sure, but just how grand of a conspiracy it is, only time will tell.
54. Margaery isn't the woman from Maggy the Frog's prophecy
Margaery Tyrell being the 'younger, more beautiful Queen' is such an obvious way to interpret Maggy the Frog's prophecy to Cersei, that it almost feels far-fetched to speculate that it's someone else. But no one does 'far-fetched' as well as the ASOIAF fandom, so naturally a whole range of suggestions have been made - what if the younger, more beautiful Queen is Daenerys, or Sansa Stark, or perhaps Cersei's own daugher Myrcella? I think I even saw some dipshit suggest that it's Lady Stoneheart.
53. Jon isn't Azor Ahai
Again, speculation of Jon being Azor Ahai is so mainstream that it's a whole other thing at this point to suggest that some other character is the Prince that was Promised. Popular alternatives to Jon include Stannis Baratheon, Daenerys Targaryen, and for some fucking reason, Jorah Mormont (I'm convinced that the Jorah theory exists just because some internet hero reckoned 'A-Jorah-ai' is a cool title for their theory).
52. Theon is the Hooded Man
Throughout his POV chapters in A Dance with Dragons, Theon Greyjoy / Reek occasionally sees a strange hooded figure in Winterfell. As the hooded man never really does anything to affect the story and isn't mentioned in any other character's chapters, the most common interpretation is that the hooded man is simply a broken Theon's vision of his former self, concocted by his mind as a means of reflection.
51. Brienne descends from Duncan the Tall
This brilliantly nuanced, well-thought-out interpretation of George R. R. Martin's literature draws from the fact that Brienne of Tarth is, in fact, quite tall.
50. Hodor descends from Duncan the Tall
Hodor is another character who is, to be frank, quite tall, so naturally someone has made this bomb-proof connection as well.
49. Faceless Men caused the Doom of Valyria
Okay, this one is pretty intriguing. The theory suggests that the notorious Doom of Valyria, the world-altering disaster that brought Old Valyria down, was deliberately caused by the Faceless Men as part of some grand scheme to control the course of events. Makes you think.
48. Robert Arryn is Littlefinger's son
To this day (in the timeline of the books, that is), Petyr 'Littlefinger' Baelish believes that he once slept with Catelyn Tully and took her maidenhead, when in reality it was Cat's sister Lysa Tully, and Littlefinger was too drunk to realize this. This theory suggests that Lysa's son Robert Arryn was born out of this one-night stand, his father thus being Littlefinger instead of Jon Arryn. The funny part of this theory is that Littlefinger wouldn't have any idea of Sweetrobin being his son, while the dark part is that it would give a whole new layer to Littlefinger's alleged plot to slowly poison poor Robert with sweetsleep.
47. Euron was a student of Bloodraven
Euron Greyjoy is at the center of many theories, as he is such a powerful and mysterious figure. One theory suggests that he learned many of his otherworldly abilities from Brynden 'Bloodraven' Rivers, the man who eventually became what is known to Bran Stark as the 'Three-eyed raven'. This would give some additional context to Euron's connection to dark magic, as well as explaining his nickname 'Crow's Eye'. Wacky stuff.
46. The Grand Northern Conspiracy
So, the fact that Wyman Manderly is a northern loyalist who wants revenge on the Boltons and Freys for the Red Wedding and taking Winterfell, is no secret. But this theory suggests that several other northern houses, including ones that bent the knee to the Boltons, are also in on it, and they've been secretly coordinating to take back the north for a long time. Probably not true, but a fun idea for sure.
45. Bloodraven is warging into Jeor's raven
This one very possibly is true, but I reckon that "The raven of Lord Commander Jeor Mormont often acting strangely and influencing events is explained by the fact that the Three-Eyed Raven is secretly warging into it from time to time" has to score higher obscurity points than less likely but more 'I-could-see-how-you-would-come-up-with-that' theories such as the Grand Northern Conspiracy.
44. Euron is a fraud
I don't know who comes up with this stuff, but it's funny as hell to follow. Some people have suggested that Euron is a very non-magical, not-well-travelled individual who is merely an extremely charismatic and skillful liar, and everything about his travels and deals-with-devils and connections to dark magic is just a bunch of bullshit as a means of getting people to fear and follow him. I don't really know what the point of such a reveal would be and how it could possibly serve the story, but that is the case with quite a few of these theories.
43. Mance Rayder wrote the Pink Letter
Right before being stabbed to (probably temporary) death, Jon Snow receives the infamous 'Pink Letter' from Ramsay Bolton - but some fans suggest that the letter was actually written by Mance Rayder. While it makes logistical sense, as Mance was in Winterfell at the time of the letter's writing and sending, and the theory apparently stems from the fact that many word choices and phrases in the letter sound more like Mance than Ramsay, I really struggle with what Rayder's motivation would be for faking all that information in order to lure Jon Snow to react.
42. Loras isn't really injured
One of those delighfully small-scale theories that work as filler material for the more mind-blowing ones down the iceberg, this Loras Tyrell theory suggests that when the Knight of Flowers returns from Dragonstone in Feast for Crows, horribly burned and struggling for life, this is actually faked by the Tyrells to throw Cersei off, and really Loras is fine. Honestly I might even see this one being true, as it could lead to interesting stuff in The Winds of Winter such as Loras being Margaery's champion in her trial after all and Cersei realizing she got played, but in the grand scheme of things, this theory is so miniscule in scale that it does amuse me to think that someone took the time to come up with such an idea. It's honestly quite sad to consider how no matter what Martin comes up with in the next book, for every twist there will be at least one fan who had predicted it all along.
41. The paste that Bran eats is Jojen
Now, hear me out - apart from the very top-of-the-iceberg mainstream theories, this one is one of the likeliest ones to be true, as it would explain a great deal of things. But it still scores high obscurity points, because it does involve Bran Stark EATING Jojen Reed. Essentially, while Jojen is canonically still alive in the books, he is in very poor health for the last few Bran chapters in A Dance with Dragons, and isn't seen or heard from for the second half of the latest Bran chapter.
At the end of that chapter, the Children of the Forest make Bran eat a mysterious paste that allows him to tap into his Greenseeing powers - and as Jojen hasn't been heard from since they entered the cave, and he definitely has the rare power of Greenseeing, many have speculated that the Children killed Jojen behind the scenes and turned him into the paste that is fed to Bran. Very dark, very disturbing, weirdly hilarious when you've gone so deep into the theory rabbit hole that you're totally numb to dark implications.
40. Tyrion poisoned Joffrey
Although it's basically confirmed that the Tyrells had Joffrey killed with help from Littlefinger and Ser Dontos, the King getting poisoned at his own wedding is such delicious material for conspiracy theories that there naturally are a few alternate theories. Tyrion poisoning Joffrey would make sense on many levels (which is why most of King's Landing believe that to be the case), but the big counter-argument is that if it were true, why would Tyrion never mention it in his own thought processes throughout his POV chapters? Of course, theory #25 on my list might give an answer to that, but still, this one is a bit out there.
39. Howland Reed is the High Sparrow
Speaking of 'out there', the biggest argument for this theory seems to be that the two characters are described to have similar hairstyles, so of course they're the same person. Okay, I buy the idea that Howland Reed will have some big mysterious role to play, as he's amped up as an important character but never really seen after going missing in action. But masquerading as the High Sparrow? Don't really know what the endgame would be in such a narrative.
38. The Dornish Master Plan
Now, this isn't the theory that Doran Martell is playing the long game and slowly trying to build alliances and conspiracies to get revenge on the Lannisters, as that is very much not a theory but a fact, explicitly stated by Martell in A Feast for Crows. But the 'Dornish master plan' fan theory is that there's a whole other layer to this, and that the various ways in which Doran's plan has failed thus far have actually been part of his larger, 5000 I.Q. 5D-chess master plan. This would involve stuff like letting his son Quentyn be killed, letting his brother Oberyn die, and manipulating his daughter Arianne into carrying out a plot that lands her in prison - basically, the theory suggests that Doran is willing to sacrifice his whole family in order to gain glory for his family.
37. N+A=J
Some nitpickers have found a lot of evidence for Jon's parents actually being Ned Stark and Ashara Dayne. And yes, the foundations for such an interpretation do exist and are in the books intentionally, but it is quite obviously a red herring created by Martin to make the real reveal less obvious. Still, some people believe that Ned and Ashara being Jon's parents is the actual case, and that the whole Rhaegar+Lyanna situation is the real red herring. Over-thinking this stuff will give you a headache (but it is rather fun).
36. A+J=C+J
Remember how I talked about Tyrion really being the Mad King's son like 23 theories ago, and that sounded like the craziest thing you've ever heard? Well, much further down the iceberg we have the theory that Tyrion is Tywin and Joanna Lannister's only trueborn offspring, and that the incestuous twins Jaime and Cersei are the bastards of Aerys Targaryen and Joanna Lannister. While this could be argued to make sense (their golden hair could be a Targaryen trait instead of a Lannister one, and the whole incest thing definitely runs in the Targaryen family), it's still quite the stretch.
35. Sansa is Littlefinger's daughter
It's not even the incest implications that make this one quite out of left field - the ASOIAF world is no stranger to such topics, after all. It's the timeline that makes this one into a real head-scratcher - is it implied that Littlefinger did have sex with Catelyn after all? Or that Sansa is in fact Littlefinger and Lysa's daughter, in which case why in hell would Ned and Cat be raising her as their own? Jesus Christ, this theory rabbit hole is a mess.
34. Oberyn poisoned Tywin
A lot of people seem to be buying this one, stating that Tywin Lannister would've died even if Tyrion hadn't spontaneously killed him, as he was poisoned by Oberyn on the very same day. My question is - why? Why would this be part of the story? How would it be an interesting addition or change anything in any way, as Tywin dies anyway? I swear to God, some of these theories man...
33. Tyrion was the real target of the Purple Wedding
Of course a King getting poisoned at his wedding will spawn about a million different theories, and since many characters in King's Landing did want Tyrion dead and he was unknowingly handed the wine that Joffrey ended up drinking, someone has obviously come up with this fun little theory. Christ, there are still 32 of these to go? And the iceberg just goes deeper...
32. Jon will marry Sansa
Before you go all 'eww', remember that most likely they're just cousins, not siblings, so this would be far from the worst cases of incest seen in the franchise.
31. Bloodraven will steal Bran's body
Something that very possibly might happen, to be honest, but still quite high on the obscurity chart, as it is a fairly random future prediction hinging on the idea of a former-Hand-of-the-King-turned-present-prophet-creature-monster using the body of an innocent crippled boy in order to take over the world or some shit.
30. Littlefinger caused Robert's Rebellion
This theory may be far-fetched, but it's quite mind-blowing to consider: what if Petyr Baelish has been playing his long game for decades, and the entire conflict where the Targaryens lost their throne and Robert became king was his doing, as part of some big-brain 6D-chess strategy to help Littlefinger seize all the power decades later? Who's to say not?
29. Euron Greyjoy is Daario Naharis
Euron has been known to travel across Essos, and apparently the timeline barely works in support of this theory, as the appearances of Euron in Westeros never directly coincide with the chapters where Daario appears in Essos. And since Euron intends to marry Dany and Daario has seduced her, some people suggest that the future books will have some huge reveal of the two being the same person all along. This theory is a bit too cartoonish to be taken seriously, which is why thinking about it immediately brings to mind those sitcom episodes where a character is juggling between having two dates at the same party or something, and constantly almost slipping up when trying to keep their cover intact.
28. Lemongate
I can't help but like this theory, because the way it's often presented has something inherently epic about it, despite the premise being surgically nitpicked and very far-fetched.
Basically, some readers (who I assume are all botanists) have noticed that there's something off about the narrative where Dany often reminisces on her warm memories from her early childhood in Braavos, remembering a house with a red door and a lemon tree in front of it. Apparently, these people have made note that lemon trees wouldn't be able to grow in Braavos' climate - and before you completely scoff and write this theory off, it should be noted that if there's one author so unhealthily devoted to consistency, scientific detail and zero-plot-hole end results that they wouldn't accidentally place a lemon tree in a climate where lemon trees can't grow, it's George fucking Martin.
So, there could be something to this theory, which goes on to suggest that because those memories can't be from Braavos, Dany maybe spent that portion of ther childhood in a place like Dorne, and was lied about it - and this would have huge implications, tying into the idea of Doran Martell having planned a secret Targaryen alliance for a long time. I'll say this - if the last two books do reveal that Dany was secretly raised in Dorne for a portion of her childhood, then whoever is the first person who was caught off guard by the mention of lemon trees in Braavos and came up with this theory deserves a f**king Nobel prize.
27. The Tyrells and Martells worked together to kill Joffrey
Here we have the suggestion that Doran Martell's long-con plans and Oberyn's trip to King's Landing were a part of the same scheme as Olenna Tyrell's plan to poison Joffrey with Littlefinger and Ser Dontos' help, implying that the two houses worked together, with their longstanding rivarly being the perfect alibi against any accusations from the Lannisters.
26. Quaithe is Shiera Seestar
I guess there's a lot of evidence supporting this theory, but it's still obscure as f**k because I just read up on Shiera Seestar but am actively forgetting who she was while I'm writing this, as she's such an obscure character (who apparently has a major role in Martin's fantasy world's larger mythology, but is barely mentioned in the Song of Ice and Fire books).
25. Unreliable Narrators
This one is a bold take and a certainly obscure one, but it's definitely one of the most wild and fun theories, as it presents pretty much endless possibilities. Since everything in the books is told from a certain character's perspective, one can raise the question: what if some of the POV narrators (or all of them) are lying??
And there's absolutely no end to what implications this theory might have. Maybe Tyrion and/or Cersei really did kill Joffrey, but don't mention it in their own thoughts in case the cops end up reading their chapters. Maybe Ned Stark was never killed, and Arya is just fucking with us by recounting her experience of seeing her father die. Absolutely anything and everything is possible if you buy the 'unreliable narrators' theory.
24. Cersei killed Joffrey
Of course this one has been suggested, but let's be real - as huge of a monster as Cersei is, you can't deny that the twisted creature loved her children, even the one who is even more of a twisted creature. There's no way that Cersei killed Joffrey. Also, I just made #27 up, but let's be real, you didn't notice.
23. Bran caused Robert's Rebellion
A good fan theory is supposed to blow your mind, and this one certainly managed to stick out of the crowd and do that for me - it's very likely not the truth in George R. R. Martin's written lore, but it is a mind-bending idea to speculate upon. The theory suggests that after Bran Stark gets a hang of things in the Three-Eyed Raven's cave and starts warging into the past, he ends up warging into King Aerys Targaryen - and being warged into is what drives him mad, making him the Mad King, and thus causing the entire chain of events that ends up causing Bran to fall off the tower and travel to the Three-Eyed Crow's lair in the first place, trapping us all in a hellish time loop with no escape. There's something to lose sleep over tonight!
22. The Hound raped Sansa
I hate it how this theory partially makes sense and technically could be the case, because it would absolutely ruin the brilliantly likable-despite-his-flaws character of The Hound, while making Sansa's already traumatic arch even more traumatic. The theory stems from the odd fact that Sansa clearly remembers The Hound kissing her in King's Landing, even though it's stated that this never happened. There's clearly something up with that, as Martin doesn't write such discrepancies accidentally, and the most brutal and heartbreaking interpretation is that actually The Hound did kiss Sansa and do much worse, but Sansa has blocked it out and is in denial, which is why her accounts of events in her POV chapters keep changing. I kind of wish I could just forget about this one, as it is so very upsetting (and if you think this theory is dark and depressing, then you better buckle up for #3...).
21. Bran is all the Brans
And then, back to the fun ones.
So, as fans of ASOIAF lore will know, there are many Starks in Westeros history by the name of Brandon Stark - Bran the Builder who built Winterfell and The Wall, Brandon the Breaker who defeated the original Night's King, and Eddard's brother Brandon Stark who died at the eve of Robert's Rebellion. And, of course, our very own Bran Stark, son of Eddard - who gains the ability to warg into the past and supposedly even change events by the end of A Dance with Dragons.
So this theory, which I can only imagine was created by an ASOIAF fan high on acid while reading the books for the 17th time, suggests that eventually Bran will go into the past and affect the history of the north in major ways, and that all the Brandon Starks in history are just our Bran going full Doctor Who on Westeros' history.
20. Westeros is in a Hollow Earth
Because us A Song of Ice and Fire fans are a bunch of nerds, and many of them seem to belong to the more knows-lots-about-science type of nerdhood than I do (as big of a nerd as I am, I know nothing about science), there have been many attemps to scientifically explain why the seasons are longer in the Game of Thrones world et cetera. Many have suggested that the fictional planet it takes place on (assuming it is a planet) is farther from its sun than Earth is, but a much more fascinating take is that Westeros and the surrounding continents belong to a hollow earth. Cool shit.
19. Roose Bolton is in fact a vampire who means to kill his son Ramsay and wear his skin
I don't care how many views the 20-minute YouTube video exploring this theory is, it's still a bridge too far. And it's absolutely bonkers that we're only this far into the list, meaning that there are a full eighteen theories somehow even more obscure than this one.
18. Quentyn Martell is alive
If these theories were ranked from good and thought-provoking to absolute shit, instead of a conventionality-obscurity scale, then this absolutely shit-tier theory would most definitely make the top three. I mean - not only did Quentyn die, but he died a slow and brutal and very final death, which tied up his character arch in the clearly intended way, so it is absolutely beyond me to try to figure out why some fans have floated the idea of Quentyn somehow still being alive and having a role to play?
Usually, the most far-fetched theories of someone still being alive are based on something that happened in the TV series, but even that can't be the case since Quentyn was a minor enough character to never be adapted into the show, which really should underline the fact that he probably doesn't have the world's biggest part to play in the endgame? So, you know, maybe and just maybe, being burned by a dragon and finally passing away after struggling in bed for three days, just might mean that Quentyn really is dead???? Get your shit together, conspiracy theorists.
17. Mance Rayder is Rhaegar Targaryen
Yeah, some fans think that Rhaegar Targaryen faked his death in the Battle of the Trident, and because he was a wanted man in face of the Targaryens losing the war, he travelled north of the wall where he ended up using his leadership skills and royal blood in order to rise up as King-Beyond-the-Wall. If you're wondering what the connection between Rhaegar and Mance is - there really, really isn't one. Yet someone still came up with this. Go figure.
16. Varys is a merman
One Reddit user layed out 28 separate points on why Varys being a merman makes perfect sense (this is the first and last time that I've used Reddit as source for a blog post). I suppose that if you read all five long-ass books specifically looking for lines that could be seen as evidence for Varys being a merman, you're bound to find something in a monkey-with-a-typewriter sort of way, but it is absolutely beyond me how someone came up with the idea in first place.
15. UnTommen
Here's how unhinged the ASOIAF fandom is: Tommen Baratheon hasn't even died in the books, and there are already theories on how Qyburn will bring him back after he has hypothetically died. These guys have way too much time on their hands (says the guy who familiarized himself with all of these theories and decided to write a top-75 ranking of them).
14. Jon Snow is Ned and Catelyn's son
This one is hilarious because it's very basic and very obscure at the same time. After the many, many theories on Jon's parentage had gotten weirder and weirder, some genius came up with the suggestion of Jon's parents being Ned Stark and Ned Stark's f**king wife. It's great because on some level it would make perfect sense and be the most obvious choice, but on many more levels it's the most illogal bullshit ever suggested, because WHY? What in the world would be the motive for Ned having a trueborn son but plotting an elaborate lie of him actually being a bastard? And why would Cat be so bitter about Jon's existence if he's her son?? Seven hells...
13. The Tyrion/Penny Double Twist
Penny, the young dwarf girl who Tyrion meets and befriends in A Dance with Dragons, is implied to have somewhat of a crush on Tyrion, but it seems very one-sided. However, some fans have suggested that in a moment of weakness and despair Tyrion will end up sleeping with her - only to find out that she's really his bastard daughter. It says a lot about the screwed-up nature of this theory culture that I've never seen the 'Tyrion will sleep with Penny' and 'Tyrion is actually Penny's father' theories separately, but only when lumped together, because incest just has to be involved.
12. No one poisoned Joffrey
The genius premise of this one: maybe the King just had food poisoning, and the most hilarious timing imaginable.
11. Everyone poisoned Joffrey (because he's a gigantic asshole)
Doing a big 180 on the previous theory, this one suggests a wacky Murder on the Orient Express -type of situation, where the various theories on Joffrey's real killers are combined as maybe he just was such a colossal dick that everyone had the same idea of poisoning him at his wedding. While it's far-fetched, it's an absolute blast to think about, especially if you don't picture it as a coordinated plan, but as a mega-coincidence where Littlefinger, Ser Dontos, Olenna Tyrell, Tyrion, Sansa, Tommen Baratheon, Euron Greyjoy and just fucking everyone has the same idea of "He he, I will poison Joffrey at his wedding, and someone else will be framed for it!", and everyone acts shocked when the King falls down after drinking wine that had like 20 different drops of poison in it.
10. George R. R. Martin never intended to finish the series
Taking things to a meta level, this theory takes place in our reality and not the fantasy world created by George R. R. Martin, because of course someone had to break that barrier. Basically, this theory suggests that Martin never got around to planning a cohesive ending for the ASOIAF series, but rather kept delaying that while adding more and more mysteries and plotlines and digging himself deeper.
Eventually, he realized that he won't be able to create a satisfying ending, so he pushed it off to HBO as a real 'Here you go, make a series based on my books, I'll totally finish the books when I get around it, haha it's your problem now' move. And now he's spending his senior years pushing the supposed 'finishing of the books' away with side projects like World of Ice and Fire et cetera, until his eventual death frees him of the burden of having to finish the books, which he never really intended to do.
9. Ned is a pigeon
Okay, let's break this one down.
"So, you know how in the books, all of the Stark kids are wargs?" Yep. "So, it would stand to reason to speculate that Ned Stark also has warg powers, right?" Yes, still with you. "And you know how sometimes characters with warg abilities try to warg into an animal right before their death so they might live on through that animal?" Sure... "And you know how in Ned's execution scene, there are pigeons in the sky?" I really don't like where this is going, but do go on... "So what if, and bear with me here..." Oh God. "...Ned warged right into a pigeon right before being beheaded?" Okay, the fandom has officially gone too far. Are you finished? "Well, not quite...you know how in Arya's last Game of Thrones chapter, she makes herself kill and eat a pigeon because she's so hungry?" Okay, please stop talking. "So...what if that pigeon is Ned, trying to help his daughter, and instead she brutally makes him die all over again?" Yeah, I'm not sure when exactly the line was crossed, I just know it happened long before we arrived here.
8. ASOIAF takes place in the Lovecraft universe
I'm not all that well-versed in H.P. Lovecraft's literature, but apparently Martin is a big fan and has drawn inspiration from him. But some fans think that there's a much more literal connection - Westeros and the surrounding continents actually taking place in the same world and same canon as Lovecraft's works. Apparently the idea is born out of some monster names and terms that appear in both fantasy universes, and the rest is just fans reading into things and connecting some dots that didn't necessarily require connecting.
7. Tywin is the Dusky Woman
No he isn't, goddammit.
6. It takes place on future earth
Okay, it is pretty fun to imagine A Song of Ice and Fire as a post-apocalyptic reality. But really, how insane of an apocalypse are we talking about, as the shape of continents et cetera has changed entirely, not to mention the duration of seasons, while the human race has survived but lost 100 per cent of its cultural inheritance, and also magic became a thing at some point?
5. Tyrek Lannister is a horse
Never mind obscure theories, this cousin of Tyrion and company is a pretty f**king obscure character to begin with. This theory surrounding his disappearance draws inspiration from the sentence "Tyrek Lannister was last seen ahorse", with some tin-foil masterminds claiming that the POV character is mishearing the character saying the quote, with the actual quote being "Tyrek Lannister was last seen a horse". No, really, I swear I'm not making this shit up.
4. Robert Strong isn't the mountain
This one is a blast. So, what if, and hear me out, Gregor 'The Mountain' Clegane's almost-death and experimental treatment by Qyburn doesn't have anything to do with Qyburn presenting Cersei with a mysterious new champion who can't talk, is huge and has an obviously fake name? What if it's just the biggest coincidence in the history of fiction? Heh.
3. The abonimable Bran/Meera/Hodor theory
God, I hate this theory so much. As if A Song of Ice and Fire wasn't dark enough already, some deranged fan decided to make it even darker with this God-forsaken abomination of a fan theory. Basically, the premise is that when you combine the following facts...
- Bran has warged into Hodor a few times, although he feels warging into another human is wrong
- Some fans speculate that Bran will 'turn bad' to some degree, as Martin doesn't do traditional hero narratives
- Bran seems to have a crush on Meera Reed
- The books do contain a lot of rape
...there is the possibility that in The Winds of Winter, Bran will, you know, okay I don't even want to say it. This one is just too damn upsetting. Let's just agree that Bran is a sweet little boy with a Stark heart of gold, and Meera will be fine? Can we have that? Please?
2. Tyrion is a Targaryen...but not in the way you think (a.k.a. the timetraveling fetus theory)
Ah yes, the timetraveling fetus theory. The premise of the timetraveling fetus theory has to do with Daenerys' baby, who is born dead and as a deformed, monster-like creature towards the end of the first book. We never actually 'see' the child in the book, as one Dany chapter ends with her about to give birth, and the next one begins to her waking up as she's informed of what happened. So, some readers have noticed that the words Mirri Maz Duur uses to describe the child are very similar to how Tywin Lannister and others describe what Tyrion looked like when he was born.
So, the only logical conclusion? Dany's child is born deformed but alive, and Mirri Maz Duur uses blood magic to send it to the past, and the child grows up as a Targaryen impostor among the Lannisters, becoming the Tyrion we know and love. Yes, this is a real theory that a fan came up with.
1. The Samwell Loop
Yeah, this megalomaniac 6th-wall-breaking earth-shattering bonkers deeper-down-the-iceberg-than-Chtulhu-himself clusterfuck has got to take the cake as the most amazingly, wonderfully obscure motherfucking fan theory I've ever come across.
So, hear me out. Samwell Tarly, after the wars are over and Jon / Daenerys / Bran / Hot Pie / someone else sits on the Iron Throne, returns to Oldtown to continues his maester studies. As he obtains more and more information, he eventually becomes the ultimate archmaester, and his combined information of magic and powers from the deepest crevices of Westeros and Essos enables him to travel between realities. And then he - bear with me here - arrives in our world, the 'real world', and starts to write down all that he remembers from his original reality, under the alias George R. R. Martin.
As the people accept all of this as a fantastic work of fiction, Samwell/George starts to become more and more stressed - maybe he has committed some atrocities towards the end of the war, and doesn't want to admit to this, thus putting his creative process to a halt when nearing the end of the book series. He tries to delay the process, having the books adapted into a HBO series and writing a bunch of world-expanding works like Fire and Blood, as the fans press him harder and harder for The Winds of Winter to be released. Eventually, he gives up and travels back to his world of origin to live out the rest of his life as Samwell Tarly, and thus we never end up getting The Winds of Winter.
Say what you will, I for one love this theory and consider it the only acceptable #1 when ranking these based on obscurity.
Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I celebrate the newest season of Netflix's The Crown (2016-Present) by ranking the top 10 acting performances across the entire series.
