R.I.P. Matthew Perry - Top 10 Best Chandler Episodes from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. to watch in his memory

Greetings, reader!

The comedy world lost a giant yesterday. By many accounts, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (1994-2004) star Matthew Perry (1969-2023) lead a sad life, yet still he managed to make millions of people across the world (and across multiple generations) laugh countless times. And what a legacy that is - in today's world, we really need our share of laughter. Perry's character on F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Chandler Bing, was always my favorite from the series, both because of his impeccable sarcasm and his character growth and generally lovable nature - and in all of these, Perry's acclaimed performance played a huge part.

If you want to check out his other work, his Emmy-nominated 3-episode guest role as lawyer Joe Quincy on The West Wing (1999-2006) is very much worth checking out. But, if you want to pay homage to the actor by watching his work in his best-known role, here are the 10 F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episodes where he shines the most.

Here are my honorable mentions: my honorable mentions are only limited to the episodes where Chandler had multiple laugh-out-loud lines, and he could be argued to be the episode's MVP. So, every and any F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode.

10. The Last One (Season 10 Episodes 17-18)

"You know it's twins, right?"

"Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people who know!"

We all may have seen the series finale a million times, but that doesn't change the fact that Chandler rules at the end as much as he does in the beginning. The entire series ends with his arguably best joke: the brilliantly delivered "Sure, where?".

9. The One with the Birth Mother (Season 10 Episode 9)

"I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife...she's already there. She's a mother without a baby"

The storyline of Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler trying to adopt a baby has its emotional moments, and one of them comes here, when potential birth mother Erica (Anna Faris) starts to have reservations. Chandler's heartfelt monologue to her, centering on his love for his wife, is a real tear-jerker, acted with aplomb by the late Mr. Perry.

8. The One with the Metaphorical Tunnel (Season 3 Episode 4)

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desparate for love!"

This classic Janice (Maggie Wheeler) episode is an important one for Chandler's character growth, as he tries to get over his fear of commitment. Perry portrays his character's inner conflict with heart and with humor, and the episode also contains one of the character's most iconic individual lines.

7. The One with the Proposal (Season 6 Episodes 24-25)

"Hi, I'm Chandler, and I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable"

Many of Chandler's best episodes have to do, naturally, with his love story with Monica (hands-down the show's best romance). The road to their engagement is all but straight-forward, but the two-part finale of the sixth season is a powerhouse of heartfelt comedic acting for both Perry and Cox.

6. The One Where Everybody Finds Out (Season 5 Episode 14)

"Okay, alright, alright, okay, you win! I can't have sex with you!"

"And why not?"

"Because I'm in love with Monica!"

Widely considered the best F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode, we've all seen this one a thousand times as well, but hey, it's beloved for a good reason. As funny as Chandler's mind games with Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) are, nothing beats the emotional payoff of all the layers of psychological messing-with-each-other suddenly turning into one of the show's sweetest moments - Chandler proclaiming his love for Monica for the first time.

5. The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding (Season 7 Episodes 23-24)

"Monica, I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle, I realized how simple it was. I love you"

Yet another classic Monica&Chandler milestone, this wedding episode sees all six main characters bringing their A-game into various storylines, yet the couple getting married are the stars of the show. You will laugh, and you will cry.

4. The One with the Blackout (Season 1 Episode 7)

"On second thought - gum would be perfection"

Chandler's trademark awkwardness always made him very relatable, and the trait (as well as the unconventional yet striking charm of a very young Matthew Perry) is on full display in this season 1 episode. Trapped at an ATM vestibule with a model, Chandler deals with the situation in an unforgettable manner, and hilarity ensues.

3. The One with the Fertility Test (Season 9 Episode 21)

"We're gonna...we're gonna figure this out"

One of the most emotional moments for Chandler (and the whole series) come here, as Chandler and Monica finally get some answers on their struggles to conceive a child. The episode's ending, where Chandler holds and comforts his wife, forcing himself to be the strong one who believes that they'll get through this, is a massive testament to how much the character had grown.

2. The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy (Season 3 Episode 1)

"Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Rushmore!"

"Yeah? Then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?"

"..."

Back to the lighter stuff - the season 3 premiere is no showcase in emotional acting or deep character studies. What it is, however, is filled to the brim with hysterically funny individual Chandler moments. The impeccably delivered "Huh" in the cold open, the "You know, you know...YOU DON'T KNOW?!" moment, the look of sheer bewilderment at Joey's (Matt LeBlanc) "Count Rushmore" comment - it's all perfection.

1. The One on the Last Night (Season 6 Episode 6)

"You are gonna be in charge of paying the rent"

"Right! And when's that due?"

"First of the month"

"And that's every month?"

"No, just the months you actually want to live here"

Chandler's finest hour (well, half an hour (technically, 22 minutes)) is, in my opinion, The One on the Last Night. It's the last night before Chandler moves in with Monica - and not only is the end-of-an-era feel of Chandler and Joey's roommate years very touching, but it also leads to one of the funniest gags the series ever created: Cups.

Cups is a card game, improvisationally created by Chandler, as a means of indirectly helping Joey with his financial troubles. It leads to some top tier comedic hijinks, and Matthew Perry's comedic acting is once again off the charts.

Thank you for reading. Rest in peace, Boss Man Bing.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Ranking Every Heist

Greetings, reader!

With Halloween just around the corner, I shall dedicate my last post of October 2023 to spooky season - not in the usual manner of discussing horror films, but by taking a look at television's finest Halloween tradition: the Halloween Heists from Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-2021). Every season of the show's run had its own take on the heist, and this is my ranking of these instalments.

8. Valloweaster (Season 7 Episode 11)

"The vests add nothing"

"The vests add gravitas"

"Your butt adds gravitas!"

It was a smart move to switch things up in later seasons, so that the heist tradition could keep on going without getting stale. But still, there's no getting around the fact that the later ones that don't take place on Halloween just aren't quite as dynamite as the original Halloween heists (there is one exception, which we'll get to later).

There are glimpses of brilliance in this taking-place-across-multiple-holidays instalment, including the hilarity of the characters being skeptical of an actual disaster being a mere heist scheme and the fact that technically, in one way of interpreting the ever-contested score, Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) has won three times and a filing cabinet has won once due to this episode. But, a lot of the actual schemes and reveals during the heist do feel a bit tired, feeling like the tradition was past its prime albeit still entertaining.

7. Cinco de Mayo (Season 6 Episode 16)

"You tricked me, Rosa! And then you shipped me to New Jersey!"

"First of all, grow up. Second of all, how'd you get back here so fast?"

The season 6 heist is the first one to break from the tradition of taking place on Halloween. Like I said - a smart move, but still, that alone can't save the tradition to being just a bit beyond its best days. The Cinco de Mayo heist is like Fast & Furious 6 (2013) - the fourth F&F had been bigger and better than previous sequels and the fifth had perfected the recipe by being even bigger and better - and then the sixth one proved that if you go more large-scale from there, it starts to feel bloated.

Now, I'm not saying that Cinco de Mayo is bad - there's a lot to enjoy, including the Scully's (Joel McKinnon Miller) twin brother reveal, and as is the case with every heist episode, it is one of the better ones in its season. But when compared to the high standard of other heist episodes, there's a lot in Cinco de Mayo that feels like trying just a bit too hard, or simply existing after the first five Halloween Heists had perfected the recipe and there was nothing left to outdo. It's still entertaining as hell.

6. Halloween IV (Season 4 Episode 5)

"Gina! Of course! It all makes sense - except for the parts I don't understand and the fact that I still kind of think Terry did this"

By season four, the tradition was an anticipated fan favorite, the writers were tasked with keeping the concept fresh with new twists, and they still had quite a few punches left in them at this point. The main reason for IV being ranked lower than the other actual Halloween-set heists is mainly that this one has the least epic final reveal - I don't care about Gina (Chelsea Peretti) as much about the other main characters so her victory doesn't feel so special, and how the victory came about is semi-clever but not as mind-blowing as the final reveals in the other heists.

Still, the opening act of the episode is delicious and classic stuff, and there are plenty of memorable moments. The tradition of everyone getting more competitive and downright mean (in a hilarious manner) each year really starts to find its voice around year four, and the trash talking is a joy to follow.

5. Halloween (Season 1 Episode 6)

"Can you magically make everyone kind, sober and fully dressed?"

"Kind, sober and fully dressed. Good news everyone, we found the name of Santiago's sex tape"

There's something special about the original. It may be the least flashy, least high-stakes and least blockbuster our of the heists, but the tradition works so well because it started off small enough that there was room to grow on and the growth arch was a wonder to follow. Here we have but a delightful battle of minds between Jake (Andy Samberg) and Holt (Andre Braugher), and the episode is simply really good - so good, that they decided to make another one the next year, and so forth.

Also, the final reveal in this one is very clever and feels like a true payoff. Some real Ocean's Eleven (2001) vibes right there.

4. Halloween II (Season 2 Episode 4)

"We're doing it Boyle! We're Tokyo Drifting!"

The second Halloween Heist is much like the first, but with a classic one-notch-up improvement: it's just a tad bigger and better, a tad better-thought-out, and an overall solidification of what would become a beloved tradition. It's still very much Jake vs. Holt this time, as Heists #3 and #4 would be where the other characters started to actively participate more. But one more round of Jake vs. Holt was just what we needed, and boy, the show sure delivered.

Halloween II is pure and simple fun - it's not as grandiose as the future ones nor does it need to be. The heist tradition was built one block at a time, and this building block was an important one. Also, the final twist is one for the ages.

3. Halloween III (Season 3 Episode 5)

"You drank a soda? Not sure that's the worst thing in the world"

"It was the worst thing in the world. Worse than a fruit-forward Riesling. No, I'm not exaggerating"

Halloween III hits a true sweet spot: the tradition has grown more beloved, more grand-scale and more high-stakes than the previous ones, yet not even the most cynical fans could call the tradition overdone or stale, as everything is still so fresh and the writers have a blast with the opportunities presented by the premise.

Also, hats off to Amy (Melissa Fumero). Her win is well-deserved, cementing her as a true mastermind and amazing detective/genius.

2. The Last Day (Season 8 Episodes 9-10)

"Wunch's grave"

"Wow, did Terry put up a balloon arch just for the heist?"

"No, that was me. I come every week to install a fresh one"

Oh man, this one hits hard. By the final season, the once-per-season heist tradition was such an integral part of the show's DNA that they decided to utilize it for the series finale. And this was the right choice, as can be surmised from The Last Day's #3 ranking in my blog post of the greatest sitcom series finales of all time. It's the perfect setting for B99's final episode.

Even though the concept had become a pit past its prime in seasons 6 and 7, this spectacle doesn't suffer from that - there were no punches left to pull at this point, allowing the writers to truly give their everything with just the craziest twists and turns. Amy tricking Jake into thinking he was in a coma for years (and that Amy moved on and remarried) is such a perfect peak for eight years of heist plots growing more elaborate and delightfully mean-spirited.

Also, pretty much every character has the idea of manipulating the final heist into a means of saying their sweet goodbye to the others. These overlapping plans make everything a bit messy, but in a sweet and tongue-and-cheek fashion. A nice bow on things, this one.

1. HalloVeen (Season 5 Episode 4)

"And, it's midnight! So I guess I'm an amazing human/genius!"

"Yeeah...although...you might want to read the inscription on the belt"

Nothing can quite beat this one. From the hysterical cold open, through everyone separately coming up with the plan to hide microchips in Terry's (Terry Crews) yoghurt, all the way to the final reveal - Jake's proposal to Amy, which I dare to call the single greatest moment in the whole damn series. Not only is HalloVeen the best instance of the Halloween Heist tradition, it's the best episode in all of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. You will laugh, you will cry, you will re-watch it over the years and enjoy it every time. Sitcom television, with the exception of Community, just doesn't get better than this.

Thank you for reading! Next week's Tuesday is Halloween, and I have quite a special horror marathon planned, so next week's post will be a recap of that (in the form of a top 10 list, obviously).

Top 10 Sex Education Episodes

Greetings, reader!

Netflix's hit comedy-drama Sex Education (2019-2023) recently aired its fourth and final season. Praised as much for its authentic attitude concerning diversity and representation as for its dynamite cast and realistic, well-written characters, this sex-positive and honestly educational series has found its way into many hearts. These are my favorite episodes!

Oh, and spoiler alert: as the list is aimed at people who have watched the series, there will be spoilers for seasons 1-4.

Here are my honorable mentions: Episode 1 (Season 1 Episode 1), Episode 8 (Season 1 Episode 8), Episode 6 (Season 2 Episode 6), Episode 8 (Season 3 Episode 8), Episode 4 (Season 4 Episode 4).

10. Episode 3 (Season 1 Episode 3)

The first two episodes of the series are quite light - more serious themes are toyed with, hinting that the series might occasionally swim in deeper waters, but mostly it's masturbation problems and other mundane things played for laughs amidst the life lessons.

Then the third episode comes along and says, 'We're talking about abortion'. That's a good thing, and it makes for a hell of an episode.

The scenes set in the abortion clinic are great in terms of dialogue and overall tone. The script handles the themes with grace, and details like the pro-life protestors outside the clinic harassing Maeve (Emma Mackey) really hit the nail on the coffin in terms of overall emotional impact.

9. Episode 8 (Season 4 Episode 8)

The series finale has its flaws, but it still makes it onto the list. Remember that the series only ever aired 32 episodes, so the last-ever episode being at #9 means that it's not even in the best quarter. Still, I had to put it this high - while the ending could've been better and didn't stick every possible landing, it has an abundance of positives nonetheless, as most major characters get poetic endings and there are many individual moments that had me choking up.

Let's get the negatives out of the way first, because I like to end with the positives (why would I write this blog, if not to put smiles on the faces of fellow cinema-and-TV enthusiasts?). There are parts where the finale doesn't feel like genuine closure but rather a slightly mechanical, checking-boxes mentality of giving every character some ending and doing things every series finale should do. Also, it pisses me off that pretty much every character gets a decent ending except for Otis (Asa Butterfield), the main character. Yes, I get that his whole thing was helping others and he gets to do a lot of that in the last episodes, but it would've been nice to see him getting his own special ending instead of sitting alone and knowing that at least he helped a bunch of people.

Then for the positives. It was touching to follow how the Cavendish students rallied together to search for Cal (Dua Saleh), when they went missing (and THANK GOD that they were okay - that storyline really had me worried there for a moment). The Groff boys (Connor Swindells & Alistair Petrie), my favorite emotionally stunted men, also get a precious ending after growing so much over the last seasons and really nailing the show's idea that problematic behavior doesn't come from nowhere, and even a major asshole can learn if they seek help, deal with their issues and are willing to grow.

And then there's Eric (Ncuti Gatwa) - as I mentioned, many characters got nice endings, but his takes the cake as my favorite. The proud and energetic Gay Black Christian fellow we know and love always had amazing storylines regarding his cultural identity, and his direction in the final episode is pure fire. Eric's speech to his church is incredibly powerful (and something everyone who uses religion as a means of spreading hatred should hear), and his decision to become a pastor spreading the message of inclusion feels as right as it does heart-warming. Man, we need pastors like Eric Effiong in real life.

8. Episode 1 (Season 3 Episode 1)

Season 3 is hands-down my favorite season of the show - after season 2 let me down by focusing less on lessons and thematics and more on a zillion overdone love triangles, season 3 put us right on track with what kind of show this was always meant to be. The season's fresh feel kicks off right with its first episode.

New headmaster Hope (Jemima Kirke) arrives, and while she would turn out to be the most despicable character in the show (arguably the only major character not worthy of a redemption arch), the ever-smart writers don't show this right away. In this episode, she seems fresh and likable, which lays some expert groundwork for how dark it feels when she slowly starts to show her true nature in the following episodes.

Also, the storyline of Otis and Ruby's (Mimi Keene) secret hook-ups is as entertaining as it is important for the character development of both individuals.

7. Episode 3 (Season 3 Episode 3)

Ah, more season 3 greatness! This episode doesn't focus on any one spectacular event or hold any larger-than-life moments like many top-10-worthy episodes - it's just a remarkably fine piece of the puzzle, with pretty much every storyline progressing in an engaging fashion.

We get to know Cal, season 3's cool new character who grew into one of my favorites, better as they bond with Jackson. We follow Aimee (Aimee Lou Wood) on her road to recovery from the assault she experienced in season 2 (one of the show's most gripping and eye-opening storylines) in an emotional fashion. And, as Otis and Ruby's fling turns into actual dating, the series does a brilliant job humanizing Ruby, who previously seemed cold and not very likable, by showing just enough of her background and personal life to make any viewer with a heart care about her all of the sudden.

6. Episode 7 (Season 1 Episode 7)

Sex Education has a habit of each season having excellent penultimate episodes, followed by season finales that fall just a bit flat. In every season, the second-last episode is better than the last (in my opinion, as well as IMDB's), and every episode 7 of the four eight-episode seasons made it all the way into my top six, while the only episode 8 to make it into the top 10 was the series finale sitting at #9. Uh, sorry for the math homework.

Anyways, even the least-good penultimate episode is quite a banger. Eric's entrance to the school dance in full drag is fabulous, and seeing him make up with Otis after their fight is a fantastic testament to the endurance of true friendship. Then there's the scene where a student threatens to hurt himself, and Otis talks him out of it with a passionate and empathetic speech, really driving home what a great protagonist he is for this particular series.

5. Episode 7 (Season 4 Episode 7)

The second-last episode of the series is a gripping but ultimately wholesome powerhouse - while there are other important storylines at play as well, the main focus is on the Cavendish students taking a stand against ableism in a protest filled with empathy and unity. The first act, where Isaac (George Robinson) can't get to his exam because the lift is broken again, is frustrating - but when this starts a chain event of all present students refusing to take the exam until something is done, things become heartwarming.

As someone raised by a disabled father, I've witnessed time and time again how our society has made things frustratingly difficult for the differently abled, so this episode was an emotional viewing experience. Also, hats off to Robinson's acting performance - the character had been so cynical and emotionally wary throughout the series (for very understandable reasons), that it caused an instant flow of tears in this viewer when we got to the part where Isaac looks around at all the people standing up for him and sports a genuine, baffled smile.

4. Episode 5 (Season 3 Episode 5)

Sex Education is built on a combination of wholesome and informative themes, humor ranging from silly to elegant, and character relationships that forge real-feeling drama into the setting. And all of these three major elements are at their peak in season 3's infamos field trip episode.

For the themes, we have all sorts of moments with larger points to make, like Adam showcasing his character growth by taking the fall for Rahim (Sami Outalbali) and the Moordale students having important conversations about the growing problems with headmaster Hope's abstinence policies. For the humor, we have the 'who caused the poop accident' plot that somehow works with the larger story despite its ridiculous nature. And for the character relationships, that kiss between Otis and Maeve is one for the ages.

3. Episode 6 (Season 4 Episode 6)

The best episode of the newest season reads like one emotional gut punch after another. Things are quite sentimental from the start, as we follow the funeral of Maeve's mother.

The episode finds itself being pretty much every possible genre of emotional: grim and hard to watch (Maeve's brother (Edward Bluemel) going off the deep end in his bitter, drug-fueled eulogy), wholesome and heartfelt (Aimee countering Maeve's loneliness by inviting everyone from the school to attend the funeral), and larger-than-life (my favorite dude Colin (Jim Howick) seriously returned for a show-stopping cameo, as he performs a beautiful rendition of U2's With or Without You in a deeply touching context). Tear-jerking stuff.

2. Episode 7 (Season 3 Episode 7)

A sublime example for all the writers and storytellers out there on how to construct a payoff. Things in Moordale Secondary School had looked bleaker and bleaker throughout the third season, with headmaster Hope going full Umbridge and taking her ridiculous abstinence policies further and further in a way that would feel downright unrealistic in its villainy if it weren't for the upsetting fact that many people in this society have that exact worldview.

And after things have gotten more and more dire, this is the episode where goodness prevails. After Hope pulls the last straw by literally locking poor Cal in a room for Open Day so that they wouldn't disrupt things, the students pull off a downright epic protest that had me pumping my fist all the way through. Ruby, Jackson, Eric and many others show their most badass sides as the 'let's be proud of ourselves and not ashamed; let's talk about sex instead of repressing' thematics of the show just hit so hard. Watching the protest unfold in a cathartic, revolutionary manner is as entertaining as it is powerful.

1. Episode 7 (Season 2 Episode 7)

Funny how season 2 is easily the overall worst season of the series (at some point, the overlapping triangle dramas just started to give me headaches), but the one episode from there that makes it into my top 10 is the best individual episode of the whole series. And while there is plenty that the episode does right with other storylines, the main reason is that the storyline of various female characters coming together to help Aimee deal with her trauma is the best individual thing the series ever did.

After multiple episodes of Aimee being traumatized after being sexually assaulted on the bus, she finds herself in detention with many other Moordale girls - and when the subject comes up, they all share their own experiences of dealing with unwanted sexual advances. It's a heartbreaking and important scene, bound to resonate with female viewers and teach a thing or two to male viewers like myself.

Later on, Aimee (who has stopped taking the bus ever since the incident) is walking to school, when she finds her detention buddies waiting for her on the bus stop, announcing that they will all take the bus together. Aimee Lou Wood's acting performance is brilliant, as you can read the level of touching safety and comfort from her facial expression, and the scene plays out as a deeply moving testament to friendship, healing and female empowerment. Many Sex Education episodes moved me to tears, but this is definitely the one that had me bawling the most.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I celebrate the approaching Halloween by ranking every Halloween Heist from Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-2021).

Ranking Quentin Tarantino's movies (by alphabetical order)

Greetings, reader!

Bear with me here. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) turned 20 years old this week, and I wanted to celebrate. Having already ranked Tarantino's films in a previous post, I decided to switch things up - inspired by satirical website Hard Drive's articles such as Every Christopher Nolan movie ranked by when my Mom tapped out watching them and Every Hayao Miazaki Movie ranked by how mad he'd be to find out you had sex during it, I've grown fascinated with the idea of silly and arbitrary factors to rank something by. So, here is how I personally would rank the 10 feature films Mr. Tarantino has directed - if the reasoning of the ranking were alphabetical order.

1. Death Proof (2007)

Death Proof, Tarantino's contribution to the Grindhouse double feature, was without a doubt the hardest one to rank based on alphabetical order: the film is sometimes marketed as Grindhouse: Death Proof, and sometimes just Death Proof. If I went with the former, it would be ahead of the likes of Django Unchained, as there's just no getting around the fact that G comes after D. However, the mere Death Proof is the more common title, so I went with it.

2. Django Unchained (2012)

Beginning with the same letter as Death Proof, this revisionist western takes things to the Mexican-stand-off of comparing the second letters in both titles, with just a few key letters of the Latin alphabet separating the 'E' and the 'J', thus placing Tarantino's 2012 film right here in my ranking.

3. Inglorious Basterds (2009)

This film's title is often misspelled, as only true fans and observant readers will know the purposeful misspelling of 'Bastards' as 'Basterds'. However, this does not affect the film's placement in my alphabetical order ranking, as it is the only Tarantino film to have a title beginning with 'I', so placing it third was quite a no-brainer.

4. Jackie Brown (1997)

Clocking in as the very next letter from the previously mentioned 'I', 'J' is the tenth letter in the alphabet and the opening act for the title of Tarantino's somewhat underrated crime flick Jackie Brown. The title has a very 'early in the alpbahet' energy to it, with the very second letter being an 'A' and the next word starting with a 'B', but there's no getting around the rules saying that this title would be placed after Django Unchained and Inglorious Basterds on a library book shelf.

5. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

This one is ahead of the next instalment (true Tarantino enthusiasts might guess which one it will be) only very barely - just by one numeral after the two-word title and the shortened 'volume' indicator. You see, Tarantino happens to have a film with the exactly same title, except...

6. Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)

...the number is '2' instead of '1', implying the sequelic nature of this 2004 release. So, yes, in the closest call of today's list, Kill Bill: Vol. 2 very barely beats its predecessor. A tough, splitting-hairs call, this one.

7. Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood (2019)

Quentin's newest feature film may have won Academy Awards for Best Supporting Actor and Best Production Design, but on this list, those factors make little difference. The letter 'O' kicks off the second half of the alphabet song in Finnish, while belonging to the endgame of the first half in the English version (growing up in a bilingual family, it took me a good while to learn the rhythmic and structural differences in these two mostly similar versions of the song). So, it makes sense that the film beginning with the word 'Once' finds itself here, a little over halfway through.

8. Pulp Fiction (1994)

Tarantino's most-appreciated and honestly best film might top most rankings, but in this particular one, it can't reach either extreme. Beginning with a 'P', it would have an okay chance of being placed near the very end of the countdown, but as the filmmaker has made movies that start with the letters 'R' and 'T', there's just no getting around the fact that Pulp Fiction can't always come out on top. Don't tell Samuel L. Jackson - he might get angry.

9. Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Nearing the end here, we somewhat ironically have the first feature film directed by Tarantino. Reservoir Dogs begins with a resounding 'R', therefore earning its placement right here.

10. The Hateful Eight (2015)

Today's final pick is a somewhat controversial ranking, because some people belong to the school of thought that a prefix such as 'The' shouldn't be taken into account when ranking something by alphabetical order. With such a logic, The Hateful Eight would go by the 'H' and be placed between Django Unchained and Inglorious Basterds. Still, I decided to include the 'The', therefore putting this film at the very last place.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week for my top 10 favorite episodes of the Netflix original series Sex Education (2019-2023), which recently aired its final season.

Ranking the Movies in the Conjuring Universe

Greetings, reader!

I recently became acquainted with a horror franchise that had previously eluded me - the Conjuring universe. Consisting of the interconnected films in the Conjuring trilogy, the Annabelle trilogy, spin-off The Nun and its sequel, and the barely connected The Curse of La Llorona, these (some more, some less) real-life-inspired supernatural horror flicks certainly have a vibe of their own. Having watched them all in the last few months, culminating in seeing the new The Nun II (2023) in the cinema, I can now offer my ranking of all nine films in the Conjuring universe.

9. The Curse of La Llorona (2019)

None of the movies in the Conjuring franchise are downright bad - quite a few lean woefully mediocre, but all have some redeeming qualities. For The Curse of La Llorona, the semi-unrelated spin-off film that is only arguably canon, those positive qualities are in how it draws from creepy folklore in a Midsommar-esque fashion.

Still, it's not overall great cinema - it particularly fails the franchise's standard as a horror flick, as there is much less underlying creepiness and the actual horror comes mostly from individual jump scares. And while the film's 'stands out of the crowd by being different' aspect is somewhat of a strength at times, it is also a crutch - almost all of the other Conjuring-verse films get nerd-enthusiasm mileage from having cool connections to each other, so the film where the only connection is that one priest character from one other film does feel a bit disjointed in the larger puzzle.

8. Annabelle (2014)

The Annabelle trilogy is a true outlier in the category of horror franchises: the first instalment is the least-good one (The Purge is the only other example I can think of). This is largely because of the Conjuring universe's smart long-term planning: for a set of spin-off movies focusing on the Annabelle doll seen in The Conjuring, the most interesting concepts are A) an origin story, or B) a continuation taking place after the first Conjuring films. Knowing that they were going to make many of these films, the producers took the long-term route and started off with a film that is neither, therefore saving the more compelling premises for the sequels. Simply put, the first Annabelle film takes one for the team and leaves room for better stuff in the future.

Also, it's just a fairly generic and predictable horror film. Still, there are quite a few genuinely scary moments, and the film's ending ties neatly into the events of The Conjuring.

7. The Nun (2018)

Many people seem to consider the first Nun film to be the worst film out of the nine in this universe thus far. I do see the reasoning for this: Corin Hardy's directing is wobbly at best, and elements from dialogue to overall production value are quite a bit B-class. But still, the scares themselves are an important factor when comparing horror films, and this flick does have its share of those.

It helps that Valak the Demon Nun (Bonnie Aarons) is easily the scariest villain in the franchise, and just visually such a guaranteed scare. Sure, films like The Conjuring II and The Nun II utilize the villain much better, but even at its worst, just the visual of The Nun is inescapably spookier than the likes of the Annabelle doll or La Llorona.

6. The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

Here we have the Quantum of Solace of the Conjuring franchise: good production values, looks great, feels like a real movie and not a cheap sequel - but the soul is somewhat missing. It seems to be an ongoing theme with Michael Chaves, who has directed three of the films in this universe: his films avoid the 'cruddy and lazy sequel' archetype by looking visually compelling and grandiose, just the kind of films that it's easy to make a killer trailer for. But when you watch the film from start to finish, especially knowing how good the Conjuring films can be at their best, it just feels like something is missing.

The Devil Made Me Do It still ranks this high because there is a lot to like: Chaves does know how to create a decent scare, and the story stands out from the rest with its detective-like approach to the haunting case at hand. The idea of being less 'haunted house' and more 'haunted man' than the previous Conjuring films is appealing, but the film definitely doesn't reach its full potential and is thus stuck around the middle of the ranking.

5. The Nun II (2023)

The newest addition to the franchise, released just some weeks ago, is another middle-of-the-road Michael Chaves instalment with lots to like and lots to be a tad disappointed in. The biggest minuses for me were that the final act dragged on for too long (this was notable as the franchise usually excels in pacing), and that parts of the film felt a bit too cruel for this particular universe (the old woman's death in particular seemed unnecessary and brutal in a fashion that seems to break the storytelling code of these films).

But there's a lot that the film does right, making it an overall vast improvement over the first Nun film. The production values are decent, the story has a solid emotional core as you actually care about the characters, and best of all: the horror is excellent. There are thrills that will leave you cold throughout the film, and the sheer visual spookiness of the Valak character is utilized to the maximum with lighting and cinematography choices. This one is definitely worth checking out!

4. Annabelle Comes Home (2019)

The third Annabelle film is a hard one to rank - on the level of production values and directing, it's far from grade-A cinema, but subjectively and story-wise, I just really like it. Among the reasons for this is the premise - it may play a bit recklessly with the 'based on true events' foundation of the Conjuring franchise, but for the purely fictional side of the universe, the idea of Annabelle coming back with its haunting powers after being safely locked up by the Warrens is quite delicious. This film also has an even bigger emotional core than The Nun II, as I really got invested in the characters, almost choking up in a few places.

I also admire the film's use of side villains - it's smart in the sense that a third film about the same haunted doll might feel a bit stale without such an extra spice, and it's smart in the sense that the Warrens have investigated so many intriguing cases that it's a cinematic gold mine to utilize these. The Ferryman and the Hellhound really add a lot to the story, both in a worldbuilding sense and a decent horror -sense.

3. Annabelle: Creation (2017)

The second Annabelle film is a slow burn, descending from creepiness at a leisurely pace to a pressing, intense drive of non-stop horror towards the end. The film takes us back to the 50's and tells the origin story of Annabelle, and what really helps the film stand out is its setting - the dusky and rural orphanage really has a vibe of its own, perfected by the production design and cinematography throughout the film.

Very little of the film's horror comes from resorting to mere jump scares, as it's all about the underlying creepiness and well-built sequences here. A vast improvement over the first Annabelle film, from the delightfully slow-paced and grimly fascinating opening act all the way to the neat tie-ins into the larger Conjuring lore at the end.

2. The Conjuring (2013)

There are many elements to enjoy in the film that kicked the whole franchise off, starting with the fact that a supernatural horror flick based on true events is not something you see every day. This really makes the whole franchise stand out - you may choose to believe it all word-to-word, you may see the films as dramatized and mostly-made-up fictionalizations of somewhat real events, of something in between. But it does make you think, as something in these movies (the first two Conjuring movies in particular) just feels more real than we're used to feeling in this genre.

(Side note: throughout many of these films, I wondered how the strongly religious aspect of the franchise plays with different audiences. I'd imagine that many deep-end serious Christians may not like them as they could be seen as using the word of the Bible for horror cinema entertainment, but the most hardcore-atheist horror fans might not like them either, as they could be seen as tarnishing the brutality of the horror genre by being all 'Jesus saves the day'. What I'm trying to say that maybe, just maybe, the lasting popularity of the Conjuring films proves that we're not quite as divided as it often seems).

Anyways, the first Conjuring film kicks ass. I love how gradually the horror is built - many films of this genre fall either into doing too much build-up and rushing the final act or then jumping into the final act too early and dragging it on, but with this one, it's hard to even pin-point where the final act begins. Every scare seems just a tad more intense than the previous, thus building the atmosphere from "woah, something's wrong, something's spooky" to "HOLY F%&#K, GET OUT OF THIS DEMON-INFESTED HELL HOUSE" very smoothly.

1. The Conjuring 2 (2016)

The sophomore instalment of the franchise is somewhat similar to the first, but one or two notches better in most categories. The pacing is beyond perfect, and there are many little touches (short scenes and simple instances of not-haunting-related dialogue in the first act) that really humanize the characters and make them feel like real people instead of mere horror flick victims. And when shit starts to go down, it goes down with grace.

There are many sequences of horror perfection, such as the "There's someone in my tent" toy car scene (I honestly got chills just thinking about it now) and the one where Valak fully appears for the first time. The Conjuring 2 is decent cinema beyond being 'just a horror film', but more than that, it's exceptionally successful as a horror film. In the category of the best horror flicks of the last 10 years, it honestly goes ahead of The Vvitch (2015) and Hereditary (2018) in my book.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I celebrate the 20-year anniversary of Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) by ranking Quentin Tarantino's films - but with a major twist.