Ranking every “Hello” phone-answering gag from Modern Family

Greetings, reader!

I recently finished re-watching all eleven season of the sitcom masterpiece Modern Family, and in addition to simply watching and enjoying, I had a few little projects in mind. There are a few running jokes in the series that I’ve always really appreciated, so much so that I wanted to rank each instance of a particular gag. The only way to do this is to watch the entire series with these list concepts in mind, pausing to take notes every time that an instance of one of those running jokes appear. These will be my posts for the next couple of weeks: I’ll be ranking the best overall lines from the series two weeks from now, every instance of a joke based on the “Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets” company name next week - and today, to kick things off, I’m ranking every version of Phil’s “Hello” phone-answering gag. I hope you enjoy!

12. Just “Yello!” (The Kiss, Season 2 Episode 2 & Someone to Watch Over Lily, Season 2 Episode 20)

A good argument could be made for this one not to be counted at all - the main reason that I’m including it is a sentimental one, as I love all of these jokes so much that it would feel cold to put any actual instance at last place. So, I suppose you can see the mere act of Phil Dunphy answering the phone with an exclamation of “Yello!” as the baseline, and every instance where a joke is built around the answering of a phone as a much better version.

11. “Quick, what’s my favorite hospital food?” (Punkin Chunkin, Season 3 Episode 9)

“Jell-o!”. Nothing really wrong with this one, but the punchline isn’t at hilarious or clever as in many other ones, and the context is quite mundane when compared to the ones in later seasons where there’s a twist on the formula (I love it when they do a twist on the formula). However, this one is important as a set-up, because later in the episode we’ll see another character doing their version of the same gag, so we need this one for the “haha, he’s just like Phil” payoff!

10. “What’s the most dangerous type of uranium cake?” (Spread Your Wings, Season 7 Episode 11)

“Yellow!”. The punchline itself is definitely one of the easiest and least imaginative ones, but this one gains points for the clever set-up as well as the context of Phil trying to bond with Alex by specifically doing a science-based one.

9. “Quick, nature’s surefire sunburn remedy?” (Bad Hair Day, Season 4 Episode 16)

The context is in the more basic tier, but the set-up / punchline combo is one of the more imaginative ones and I love Ty Burrell’s delivery of “Aloe!”.

8. “Hey Phil, where were Nationals senior year?” (Pig Moon Rising, Season 8 Episode 17)

"Cleveland, o-HI-o!". This one stands out in two different ways: number one, it's not Phil making the joke but rather the Dean of Admissions, as a means of demonstrating how freakishly similar to Phil the guy is. And number two, the joke itself is a nice out-of-the-box twist on the usual "Hello" format. Really getting to the good ones here!

7. “What’s the best first-person shooter about genetically modified space marines?” (Connection Lost, Season 6 Episode 16)

This should be one of the more basic ones on paper, but I'm still ranking it relatively well - it appears in one of the show's best episodes, the specific wording of the setup is pretty amusing (it implies that there's, like, a ton of different FPS games about genetically modified space marines out there to choose from), and Burrell's delivery of "Halo!" is so endearingly excited.

6. “Hey Luke, what instrument does Yo-Yo Ma play?” (Punkin Chunkin, Season 3 Episode 9)

"Cello!". It's the first time that a character other than Phil does the bit, as Kenneth shows his similarity to his former mentor by making his own version of this joke. The set-up and punchline are relatively basic, but these were the early days of the show and the gag was still being established, so I'm giving it points for being a classic.

5. “Quick, who sang Evil Woman?” (Airport 2010, Season 1 Episode 22)

Speaking of classics - the first-ever appearance of the phone-answering gag deserves so much praise just for being the first, and ushering in such a memorable running joke. I also love that they didn't kick it off with one of the most linguistically basic ones, like "Halo" or "Cello" - pronouncing "E.L.O." in a way that makes for a believable yet slightly twisted "Hello" is quite out there.

4. “Quick, which nickname did Jennifer Lopez take from Jon Lovitz?” (Frank’s Wedding, Season 8 Episode 19)

This one gains points especially for the interrupted structure of the joke - Phil has been confronted by his family about being too silly, and just as he's about to answer the phone with his bit, the words of Claire and the kids get into his head, so he pivots to a simple "Hello". The intended punchline is revealed to the viewers, however, after Phil exits the room as Luke remarks "Wow, he didn't even say J-Lo".

3. “Quick, what’s that ring around an angel’s head?” (Sleeper, Season 5 Episode 21)

The joke itself is among the simplest ones, but this gains massive points because IT'S JAY PRITCHETT WHO MAKES THE JOKE! In a delightfully out-of-character moment (or, arguably, in a glimpse of who he is deep beneath the surface), Jay cues Manny up with the aforementioned set-up before answering Phil's call. When Phil hears his father-in-law greeting him with "Halo!", he immediately recognizes that he did "the angel one" - it's a remarkably sweet moment for an often contested character relationship.

2. “Quick girls, famous Danny from Moonstruck?” (Aunt Mommy, Season 3 Episode 15)

This one is basic in context and structure, but ranks very highly because it's my favorite set-up / punchline combination of the bunch. Using the name of actor Danny Aiello for one of these jokes was an absolute stroke of genius, and I adore Burrell's delivery - twisting the word "Aiello" into a variation of "Hello" is inherently funny, but this master of the comedic arts makes it about a thousand times funnier than it ought to be.

1. “Jay, you know what the beginning of love is?” (The Feud, Season 5 Episode 15)

The joke itself is pretty solid already, but it's the context and structure of the bit that put this at #1. Phil is talking with his father-in-law when the phone rings, and Phil cues up one of his classic jokes with this question - but Jay mistakes this for Phil trying to make some deep point about love, and asks him to cut it off and not make a big thing out of their moment. The poor guy becomes flustered, but decides to still do the punchline, and it's Ty Burrell's brilliantly awkward and embarrassed delivery of "L-O" that truly makes this gag into a masterpiece.

Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I rank every "Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets" joke from the same series.