Greetings, reader!
Culinary Month continues, although this one would qualify for one of my typical posts as well, as I’m ranking fictional foods and drinks from movies, television and literature! There are many foods and drinks from the world of fiction that I’ve dreamt of tasting, while others I would stay the hell away from in any given situation. So here are the top 5 fictional foods and drinks that I would like to taste the most, as well as the top 5 least appetizing ones!
Here are my honorable mentions: Nozz-a-la from Stephen King’s Dark Tower books and Scooby Snacks from Scooby-Doo for the ones I’d like to taste; Flaming Moe’s from The Simpsons and Garmonbozia from Twin Peaks for the ones I’d wouldn’t.
#5 in hell no: Moloko Plus (A Clockwork Orange)
Anthony Burgess describes this as “milk with knives in it” in his book - I don’t know how literal he was being, but in any case, it can’t be very good, right? It’s also implied that consuming this is one of the things that makes protagonist Alex DeLarge act so violently, and that the drink is laced with several hard drugs. Uh, I’m good, thanks.
#5 in hell yeah: Melange Coffee (Dune)
I know I shouldn’t - consuming the fictional Spice has positive effects but also negative ones in the Dune books and movie adaptations, and if it was a real thing, it would probably be wise to steer clear of it due to danger of addiction as well as ethical concerns. But, the thing is - I’m *such* a coffee geek, and whenever Frank Herbert would describe a character adding melange to their coffee, my mouth would water. I’m not proud of it, okay - but yeah, I’d love a taste.
#4 in hell no: Victory Gin (1984)
In his dystopian masterpiece, George Orwell describes the feeling of swallowing this beverage as a “sensation of being hit in the back of the head with a rubber club”. The fact that people drink mainly this mundane and boring beverage is one of the many elements that color the atmosphere of 1984 and make the dystopia feel truly bleak - reading these pages will make you so grateful for the existence of miracles like scotch whisky and iced coffee.
#4 in hell yeah: The Perfect Burger (How I Met Your Mother)
Now, I’m a vegetarian, so realistically, I couldn’t eat an exact replication of Marshall’s white-whale hamburger from How I Met Your Mother’s iconic The Best Burger in New York episode. But, the thing is - in an episode that always makes the viewer hungry even if they just ate, the writing is so genuinely inspired by a passion for good food that the descriptions of the burger manage to transcend concepts like meat and vegetarianism.
Therefore, I can easily relate to Marshall’s quest, and imagine the exact same thing but as a plant-based version, therefore feeling his longing and anguish (and the eventual payoff) with full force. Now that’s good TV!
#3 in hell no: Fight Milk (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)
Initially, I had this on my draft for the “Ones I’d like to taste” list, because I figured that even though Charlie and Mac’s alcoholic milk-based protein drink can’t possibly be very good, I would be curious to try it out due to morbid curiosity and comedic value. But then I did some research for this list, and was reminded of a very crucial detail that my memory had omitted: in addition to milk and vodka, the recipe includes crow eggs. So, uh, pass. I would be interested to try Frank’s Wolf Cola though!
#3 in hell yeah: MacCutcheon Whisky (Lost)
I was so mad when I found out that this isn’t a real thing. MacCutcheon only plays a crucial role in a handful of Lost episodes, although it appears in several more as a background Easter Egg in various flashback sequences. But the episodes in which the fictional Scotch whisky does play a part, like the Desmond-centric masterwork Flashes Before Your Eyes, paint such an elegant picture of its taste. I don’t know what drink they used for the scenes where we see the drink, but even the color is so beautiful - and as a wannabe whisky enthusiast, my mouth was watering.
#2 in hell no: Slurm (Futurama)
Based on the social discussion around the meat industry in the last few years, I’m positive that a lot of y’all would be not only consuming Slurm if it really existed, but up in arms defending its mass production and consumption despite the ethical concerns in how it’s made.
Now, I won’t pretend to be the perfectly ethical consumer, but I’d like to think that I try hard enough that I would definitely want to steer clear of Slurm, no matter how good it allegedly tastes. If you haven’t seen the Fry and the Slurm Factory episode, I strongly recommend it - it’s a really well-aged critique of ethically ambiguous consumer behavior, in all grossness.
#2 in hell yeah: Lembas bread (The Lord of the Rings)
One small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man? Now this I gotta see. Whenever I re-watch the LOTR films, the Elvish waybread looks fascinating and appetizing, and the descriptions of its taste and effects in the books are pretty neat as well.
#1 in hell no: Cotton Candy Brandy (Big Mouth)
Advertised as "The only booze for kids, by kids", this beverage would sound quite unappealing even without the grave ethical concerns. That'll be a hard pass from me.
#1 in hell yeah: Various beverages by alien cultures (Star Trek)
Where do I start? What I wouldn't give to taste a Raktajino, the way Quark serves them on Deep Space Nine, or the iconic Saurian Brandy at the Enterprise-D's Ten Forward. Romulan Ale would probably not be to my liking, but Klingon Blood Wine on the other hand would be worth trying out of morbid curiosity (it doesn't have actual blood in it...does it?).
I was also always captivated by the bright-green look of Aldebaran Whiskey, which I tried to recreate with a fan-made recipe for an evening with my biggest nerd friends one time. In any case, the various alien beverages from Star Trek top this list with wide margins, as the drinks gain such a personality in the show's mythos that getting to taste them would be a dream come true.
Thank you for reading! Tune in next week as I finish Culinary Month off with a ranking of every menu item I’ve tasted from Taco Bell.
No comments:
Post a Comment